My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, at first our sex life was brill, often a few times a nite and always different. Then a year ago we had a child and ever since then, our sex life went down hill completely. I found a stash of porn which he had hidden from me, even though i have no problem with porn and actaully enjoy it. Then this new girl came along in work ,who he often texts but denies it and deletes the mssages from his mobile phone, I am now forbidden from looking at his phone too. His bills are now not sent out and once when I did find one I noticed he was texting her over 50 times a day often in the middle of the nite too (whilst working his nites shift) when I confronted him he flipped saying I was being ridicoulous. Now our sex life is awful , we have it once every few months if that and when we do it last only for a few mins. When I ask him he just tells me that hes lost his sex drive and even though he wants sex with me he cant. Im totally confused esp as today when I log online I notice hes been lookin at 11 different porn sites!! Im totally confused and need some advice. I love him so much and just want him to ' want me' like most women.do.
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At what point do you draw the line and leave him and take your child...not saying its got to that point yet.
Its hard to know whats going on you say “this new girl came along” where he works have you tried confronting her saying “I found out the texts messages you been sending to my boyfriend and I want to know how far its gone on for...”.
You say your sex life went down hill after you had your child which asks the question did he what kids? And was your pregnancy expected?
Its hard to know whats going on you say “this new girl came along” where he works have you tried confronting her saying “I found out the texts messages you been sending to my boyfriend and I want to know how far its gone on for...”.
You say your sex life went down hill after you had your child which asks the question did he what kids? And was your pregnancy expected?
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brunette84
Well I guess this is bad news day for some here,
If he is after the " new girl", then let it be, You LOVED him, as you have a child by him, but he denies the text msg & hides porn and seems not interested in you any more, so "TAKE THE CHILD AND RUN"
He will owe his child support to you, by you going to the court and asking how to do it properly. You will stop crying over the bad things he is doing and denies you the access of what was once a open relationship.
If I was his father, I kick his butt more then once in a day for more then a month or two!!!!!! because the both of you had a child, that looks like he does not want any more, or never did.
SORRY, but take the small loss, and you will find someone new and better for the both of you. You need to look ahead not behind.
RT
Well I guess this is bad news day for some here,
If he is after the " new girl", then let it be, You LOVED him, as you have a child by him, but he denies the text msg & hides porn and seems not interested in you any more, so "TAKE THE CHILD AND RUN"
He will owe his child support to you, by you going to the court and asking how to do it properly. You will stop crying over the bad things he is doing and denies you the access of what was once a open relationship.
If I was his father, I kick his butt more then once in a day for more then a month or two!!!!!! because the both of you had a child, that looks like he does not want any more, or never did.
SORRY, but take the small loss, and you will find someone new and better for the both of you. You need to look ahead not behind.
RT
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Also as much as it hurts to say it is not uncommon for a man to become unattracted to his partner after she has a child. It sounds like a serious relationship problem and I'd suggest couples counseling. He doesn't sound far off from leaving.
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but yet hes talking bout getting married next year. its totally confusing. why do men become unattracted to thier partners after having a child?
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i tired confronting her and all she did was run to him saying I was pestering her, so he then had a go at me for interfearing and texting his mates. Ive tried to text her since but she jus ignores me.
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Guest wrote:
No. Only the shallow ones.
brunette84 wrote:
but yet hes talking bout getting married next year. its totally confusing. why do men become less attracted to their partners after having a child?
Don't all male species get less attracted to their partners after having a child?
No. Only the shallow ones.
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Brunette...
You've pretty much laid it out for yourself above.
He's involved to some extent with either another woman, or, satisfying himself through porn. He resents your intrusion into his personal business, and the other girl is feeling threatened by you. How much more evidence do you need before you go for couples counseling?
If he won't go, you go by yourself.
There may be some aspects a counselor will help you see, but you've already identified plenty already.
One of the things you need to ask yourself is, "Will my life and the life of my child be better with him, or without him? Can I make it on my own, without him? What is he contributing?"
I'm uncomfortable when you say "He had a go at me..." Does that mean he took a swing at you, or that you two argued? Or was it rape? I'm unsure what the expression means.
WrathofJade is right. There are relationship issues here, and couples counseling seems to be indicated.
Good luck!
You've pretty much laid it out for yourself above.
He's involved to some extent with either another woman, or, satisfying himself through porn. He resents your intrusion into his personal business, and the other girl is feeling threatened by you. How much more evidence do you need before you go for couples counseling?
If he won't go, you go by yourself.
There may be some aspects a counselor will help you see, but you've already identified plenty already.
One of the things you need to ask yourself is, "Will my life and the life of my child be better with him, or without him? Can I make it on my own, without him? What is he contributing?"
I'm uncomfortable when you say "He had a go at me..." Does that mean he took a swing at you, or that you two argued? Or was it rape? I'm unsure what the expression means.
WrathofJade is right. There are relationship issues here, and couples counseling seems to be indicated.
Good luck!
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Cause he's got his cake and eating it too....
You aren't the tempting seductress you were before having a child by him.
Who knows, maybe he didn't want the responsibility of a family, and now, you represent a family and results of sex. She may be "freedom" and "excitement" for him, but she might also be just a good friend that he can confide in.
It is confusing when you're getting mixed signals.
How about asking him who he's planning on marrying next year?
And if so, how he thinks his life will change. That may tell you a lot about his goals and what he's planning.
You aren't the tempting seductress you were before having a child by him.
Who knows, maybe he didn't want the responsibility of a family, and now, you represent a family and results of sex. She may be "freedom" and "excitement" for him, but she might also be just a good friend that he can confide in.
It is confusing when you're getting mixed signals.
How about asking him who he's planning on marrying next year?
And if so, how he thinks his life will change. That may tell you a lot about his goals and what he's planning.
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I asked him why he keeps his mobile phone a secret from me. His reply was that he doesnt let anyone look at his phone and he is entitiled to some privacy!! I have no right to look at his phone apparently. when I gave him the chance to either show me his phone or jus leave, he said he would leave.
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Well, it does sound like you gave him an ultimatum.
Guess now you know where he stands.
He DID want his privacy. And he felt strongly enough about what ever was on his mobile phone that it was more important than your relationship.
Sorry to hear of this turn of events.
But I think that this was quite a while in coming.
The mobile phone sharing was just the last crack in the ice... :'(
(Ladies?)
Guess now you know where he stands.
He DID want his privacy. And he felt strongly enough about what ever was on his mobile phone that it was more important than your relationship.
Sorry to hear of this turn of events.
But I think that this was quite a while in coming.
The mobile phone sharing was just the last crack in the ice... :'(
(Ladies?)
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I wouldn't presume to pass judgement on his actions, but it certainly looks like there was something in his mobile phone that he wanted to keep private.
(It certainly feels like that's the case, though, doesn't it?)
Anyway, it doesn't matter now, does it? You gave him an ultimatim, and he took it. You have to be ready to accept the consequences when you make a demand.
Good luck.
(It certainly feels like that's the case, though, doesn't it?)
Anyway, it doesn't matter now, does it? You gave him an ultimatim, and he took it. You have to be ready to accept the consequences when you make a demand.
Good luck.
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