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and DISAGREEABLE person in the short-to-long run, and you will think
that everyone who does not smoke a-little is against you.
You should get on like .03 mg of Nighly Etorphine for sleep.
You can not beat the OPIATES when it comes to a GENERAL and/or
BASIC relaxation. It will not give you HORRIBLE tastes unto your
tongue, and it will quell any restless legs and such.
The one thing, you will get severe REM Rebound, since most Opiates
Suppress REM, towards the end of your night you will have Horrible
end of the world type dreams, but you get used to, and begin to
enjoy them because they are Vivid.
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Hey, i know this thread is old, but I wanted to reply Anyway. Mainly because the scariest part about when it happened to me . was the feeling that i was going through it completly alone. not much turned up on the internet, so here i am Saying YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. this has happened to me twice in my life. Yes i was dumb enough to heal from the first episode and try it again.I am in no way a doctor, but through these hard times, I researched so much into the subject that my two cents wont be a complete uneducated one.i hope that what i have learned will help anyone whom is will read this, and that it will bring some measure of genuine peace in body , mind , and soul. Because i know that going through something as horrible as this feels as though anyone of these 3 things are ready to give up. but you must remember, Life is worth all the effort and fight that you will have to do in order to overcome this nightmarish ocourance.
FIRST TIME-took more marinol (ThC pills) than i should have
RECOVERY TIME- about 4 months
.WHAT HAPPENED DURING MY HIGH?- it all started very normal, i know this because i had taken these little pills before. and like a fool, i under estimated how strong these pills really are. i remember feeling good, right up untill i felt a sudden sense of un explained panic and shere terror. luckily in this occourance my friend was with me. we had both taken them and were watching tv. cartoons i believe. at first i didnt want to say or do anything about it. so i just sat there trying to make sense of what was happening to my body. every moment that passed seemed like an eternity, and it seemed to be getting steadily worse. my heart rate was also steadily climbing as my fear and panic elevated. Everything i was expierencing visually seemed so unreal to me. everything seemed distorted. sort of like what you see when your trying to remember a dream you once had. this frightened me so badly that i just couldnt take it any more. my heart beat was going a mile a minuete. i stood up. and i told my friend to call 911 because i thought i was having an adverse reaction to the drug or possibly even an overdose. He was already peaking so of course his reaction wasn't the most conforting. he didnt believe me and thought i was trying to "freak him out" I panicked even more. i could no longer even stand. my legs had given out on me and i was on my knee's hunched over on the floor. i started to check my heart rate by placing my finger over my caratoid artery on my neck. but this only made things worse. because when i felt how fast my heart rate really was, it just made my panic all the more real to me. it felt as if my heart would explode and give out at any second. i begged and pleaded and argued to please call an ambulance and contact my parents. but he just sat down. he didnt believe me, i just stayed in that possition praing that it would go away. and after what seemed like a century it slowy subsided and i was able to make my way to the couch where i had been sitting and passed out to this very day my friend still believes i was trying to "freak him out" while he was high.
AFTERMATH-
The next day i tried to make sense out of what had happened. the most terrifying part was that it felt although i was still high. and that awful feeling of panic still lingered. my whole reality felt unreal to me. what i would see with my very own eyes seemed to me no more real than a vivid dream. i questioned wheather or not i was still alive, i questioned wheather or not i had gone or was going insane. i felt aas though nothing i did could snap me out of it. and every single moment of the day was a constant fight for sanitity. it went on and on like this for some time. untill i started to analize where all those bad feelings were coming from. i was doing a lot of wrong at that time. so i straightened up my act amd slowly but surely a started to think more clear. and after much work on my life. i felt like my old self after about 4 months tome.
SECOND TIME- Took huge hits of wax from a bong " concentrated thc" i had stopped smoking. but like a rat who doesnt learn its lesson the first time i went back to for the cheese, knowing full well i may get shocked.
RECOVERY TIME - still on going. this one happened about 2 and some weeks ago.SEVERITY-a billion times worse then the last.
WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED?-i was at work when my friend offered me a hit of wax. ( i worked at a tattoo studio where drinking and drugs are always encouraged) i refused the first couple of times. making the argument that alchohol is the only drug my body is able to handle properly. I even explained what had happened to the last time everything went horribly wrong. it had been about a full year since the last horrific expierience. but out of stupitidy and pride i went ahead and accepted the next time i was offered because i felt as though i was invincible and my body could handle anything i threw at it . i took the hit of wax and felt pretty good for the first 5 minuets or so. then something happened. i started to feel that feeling creeping into my body slowly as my high got more intense and more intense. i tried to distract myself. i went to go grab some tattoo supplies that the shop had been needing. so i hopped in the car and off i went. i was telling myself over and over to relax and take it easy, but no matter what i did everything made get even worse. not even the fact that i had gone through something similar not to long ago conforted me, in fact it made me feel even closer to death . made me think thoughts like " this time im going to die, i know it, im dying " I finally arived at my destination that was only about 5 blocks away. i had to interact with people and hide what i was going through and of course this made things even worse. at this point i thought i was at the peak of the event. boy was a sorely mistaken. i finally recieved the supplies i had came for ( i could tell i wasnt hiding it very well because they all had very strange expresions on they're faces. but how could i? hiding something like this is dam near impossible. i hopped back in my car headed to the closest drug store because also needed to pick up some distilled water. i tried playing some music i liked in the car , but music sounded so scary to me ( and to this day i cant really enjoy music while driving) i usally loved singing in the car. I arived at cvs (drug store) and parked my car behing the building where nobody was so i can try and get a hold of myself. i tried calling my girlfriend but even talking seemed like and imposible feat for me at that time so i quickly told her i was having anxiety or a panic attack and hung up. she continued to call me back . but i just couldnt answer . i felt paralized. my mouth was so dry and it was so hot that day so also begining to thing i would die of dehydration. my heart was going so fast it felt as if it was at my through. i couldnt breathe. my chest felt so tight and all i was thinking is "am i going to die like this?" i finally decided to try and manage to step out of my car. i did and sat down near some plants that were in front of where i had parked my car. i felt like i was passing out. nothing seemed tangible to me. and walking was impossible. my legs were usless. my calf muscles were so tight and my entire body began to shake uncontrolably. my adrenaline levels went through the roof and i tried to stand so i can run for help inside the store. but my legs wouldnt and could not carry me there. my mind was not my own. and my vision was dark and tunneling. i prayed to god to bring me out of this hell. i felt so guilty about praying because it seemed i only did so when i was in comple danger. so i even asked the devil to help me. (big mistake). i tried laying down on my back seat but the fear of passing out never to awaken drove me to a state of shock. i no longer new what to do. there i was knealing outside if my toyata corrolla on the verdge of death. i felt so alone. so i finally gave in. i did what i had promised myself not to do. but since it had been so long since i had smoked and the feeling was only getting worse a made the decision that was was happening to me was very real indeed. and not a symtom of being (Crazy ass high) i called 911. i told them i was having a sever panick attack and it just would not go away. this went back in forth untill i finally told them i needed an ambulance sent to me. while i awated them i surely though i was going to die, alone scared and unfufilled. when they arrived they took my vitals and declared my heart heart rate wasnt normal. and asked me i wanted them to take me to the hospital.i was so embarresed at this point that my panic levels were subsiding. this combined with the fact that people were actually monitering my vitals. here i was , tattooed wearing a muscle shirt to my old boxing gym, buzzed head and crying like was a child,completly embarresed but glad i felt safer on my way to the hospital. i arived at the hospital where they took my vitals again, and waited for someone to give me an akg for my heart . it had been at least 4 hours since i had tooken that hit from the bong, and my panic attack was barly starting to become barable. when it finally did. i decided not to stick around for the results of my akg for fear of a larger bill to pay. i ran out of there practicly. happy to be alive and relieved that that horrific fealling had subsided. i decided to walk back to my car to think things over, my car was no more than 5 miles away from the hospital. so i decided that walking was the fastest way. after all my boss was probrably thinking "what the *#*#*$ happened to him?? he only went for supplies" which usually only took me about 15 min. it was now dark out and had been more than 5 hours.
AFTERMATH- for the first month and a half, every single second of every day was so imensly difficult. even the simple act of breathing was so difficult for me it felt like i just wanted to stop, it was so exausting just to breathe. the only way i felt i could cope is curling into the fetile position and even this didnt really do anything other than make my agony a bit more confortable. i considered many times admiting myself into a psyciatric ward. i couldnt even sleep, sleeping was terrifying for me. or even eat! everything i would eat i would throw right back up!. i discovered that suger helped me. it would seem that something happened to my body during the episode that made my body have constant low blood suger. i discovered that bread and suger my body would keep down and it would help my mental state as well as body. before discovered the suger, my body would randomly begin to twitch and shake violantly. and i would begin to throw up. i couldnt see a future, or a past. it felt as though i was watching a movie of myself, and whatever i was doing felt sureal i felt detached and terrifified i would die at any single moment.
AFTER AFTERMATH- I finally seeked help wherever i could. and came to numours conclusions and serious mental break throughs throught the span of the second month. i wont go into great detail because this is less imortant, because it is different for everyone. and my objective is to help as many people as i can with this nightmare that can happen to anyone.
The main thing to remember is that you are suffering from Ptsd . yes thats right POST TRAMATIC STRESS SYNDROME. for those of us who have suffered such a bad trip from drugs that lingers for months or even years for some, it is ptsd. because our mind is so F&*CKED up on drugs at the time of the panic attack or anxiety attack, our mind amplifies it ten fold. and to us at the time of the attack death is as real and close to us as any soldier out on the battlefield. because we honestly truly believe that we are going to die at that exact moment, this is why somethings may "trigger" anxiety attacks after the initial terrible one suffered while intoxicated. things that reming you of being at that time. it can even be something as simple as listening to the radio while driving(one of my many triggers), or the time of day or light thats your eye percieves , if anything at all similR TO WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT DAY it may trigger crazy flashbacks of anxiety, panick and or confusion.
IN CONCLUSION- what i realized is that even when i was a child i felt very alone because my mom was never really around. this (acording to many psicology books) lead me to always seek a women. women have always made me feel better. but sex is no subtitute for real relationships. sex has always been the underlining problem for me. i always confused it for love. this caused me to hurt many good people. i think this is why i felt so alone. also when i was a child i remember being terrified of sleep, and of dying while sleeping. ( i believe many of my supressed feelings, sins and thoughts were all brought up at once, to lead to my meltdown. I currently however , as i right this. am feeling much better now. im not at 100 percent. but any improvment means hope. and hope if what you need to get through this. In a way i am very greatful that this happened to me. it has turned me into a much better person than i once was. the me 3 months ago isnt even half the man i am today. i know have a much closer realtionship with m mother and family. as well as my girlfriend whom i plan to marry some day. i even discovered that she has been suffering from the same exact symtoms after her mom was abruptly taken from her at a pretty young age. she had been diagnosed with cancer but was in remision. w=and without warning she passed away. so since this has happened to me, and i explained it to her, she no longer feels so alone anymore either!. for a while she thought she was going literally crazy like i was. same anxiety and panick attacks also. i couldnt believe she had been living with such a terrible burden alone. so im glad this happened to me. to help her with her issues and ultimatley heal our open wounds. that is also why i am writing here. so that i may help as many people as i possibly can!. because i feel that whoever has gone through this knows how dificult it can be. So my hope is to bring hope into those who feel hopless and alone. and to remind you that you are not alone!!!.
GOD BLESS!!
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