i am very confused

I'm an 18 year old girl, and i'm not sure if i'm gay or straight or bi. My first kiss was with a girl when i was 7 (although she initiated it) but I've been attracted to guys since than,  i'm a virgin and i never really dated guys that much, i found them so hard to communicate with and i haven't enjoyed kissing a boy in a while. I don't really see myself getting married to a boy or actually having sex with a boy. But i never thought about marrying a girl either... I don't know. ill find a man attractive but as soon as it starts to head in the direction of anything past friends i get freaked out. I use to think i would have sex with a man but now i'm just not sure. I just cant picture myself enjoying making love with a man although i find men attractive (though mostly just if they have a nice face) When i go to bars i will make-out with girls but i cant picture myself having sex with another girl either. (i have had a girl eat me out, but she wasn't someone i was attracted to but i wouldn't mind someone i like doing that i guess as for boys I've given blow jobs to couple of the boys i did date that was okay, one fingered me and that was lame he did not know what he was doing.) I avoid every would-be sexual encounter i could have with a male, i don't really want to date most  boys, i think, i use to think boys were cute, but now if i'm asked out or hit on i say i have a boy friend or pretend i'm lesbian. But i still think some boys are cute/nice  I feel like i could have a better relationship with a girl, i really just don't get men, i have male friends but there is only one i would actually have a relationship with or consider sleeping with....(i know this is awkward but the only boy i ever really loved was gay, he's still one of my closest friends, so glad i never told him how i felt lol, anyway i think the only reason i liked him so much was he was so femme, easy to talk to unlike any other boy, he was really pretty too, very feminine features, most men i find attractive have pretty/feminine faces)....  but i just don't know if i could actually have sex with a girl, i have to say i'm a little curious(i'm curious about sex with a man too but for some reason i just never see that really happening in reality),  i think it's way easier to become connected to another girl. I think i would have to love someone before i slept with them, and I've never really been in love with another girl or a boy. it just seems easier to love another girl but loving a boy isn't totally out of the equation i just don't really see myself truly loving a boy, loving a girl seems unlikely too but i'm just not sure anymore. I use to think i was straight i mean i can appreciate a hansom boy and ill feel attracted to them but when i kiss them i feel like somethings just off, and i find girls easier to be attracted too, theres just something about girls that i like... but i don't know if that means i'm gay or just haven't met the right boy yet maybe?  I really just don't know what i'm feeling! At 18 shouldn't i know if i like boys or girls? I can communicate with girls better i just kind of understand better girls seem easier to connect too, and i can talk and be friends with boys i don't know if i could them, at least not date most of them.  Sometimes i feel like i'm not attracted to anything at all.... i am very very confused!

(please don't think im stupid im honestly very confused right now and am so much trouble figuring everything out, it's extremely difficult to type out how im feeling because i really dont know what i feel)