I forget what normality feels like (depersonalization story)

Thanks, Levar85.
A friend of mine said basically what you did. She went through this too apparently.
But this does give me a lot more hope.
And I'll be sure to report back if I do go to the doctor.

hello, I am a 19 year old female and i I have recently started smoking weed again. I have been experience anxiety attacks and depersonalization. I feel like I'm starting to doubt my own existence I don't know the time or the place that I'm in. My mind goes back and forth trying to figure out if this is real or not. The feeling scares me so much and I just wanted it to go away. But this doesn't happen every time I get high, and it's also happened with different types of marijuana. Also the voices in my head are so loud, my thoughts just keep going over and over. I start to feel really far away like I'm not inside my body. I feel like I'm not me. I forget who I am. And my eyes keep wanting to close but I don't feel tired. I also keep hyperventilating and other times my breathing gets so slow I feel like I'm going to die, & the scary thing is, even after I finally fall asleep the next day at work sometimes I start to feel weird again even though I'm sober. I feel far away and forget everything like my mind goes completely blank and I don't know where I am Who I am or what I'm doing.  I get to the point where I think I'm going to pass out but I never do. Has this type of thing happened to others, should I stop smoking altogether or was it just bad weed?

Hi my name is Jessica. I am a 24 year old female. I've been having panic attacks for almost a year and a half now. I used to smoke too for about 10 years. I have been diagnosed with panic disorder and g.a.d. Although I just think I have a panic disorder for the most part. I felt the exact same way you did and have been feeling like it on and off since my first panic attack. It also hard for me to explain but I know exactly what you mean so you are not alone. Lately my panic attacks have been getting worse and I feel really weird in my head more than I usually do. The doctors always just tell me it's my panic attacks, stress, and anxiety. They tell me these weird feelings are normal, it's hard to believe but it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone so I hope you feel a little better knowing someone else out there (me) feels the same way. If you have any questions or anything you want to talk about I can probably relate and I'm here. To the girl who said she was feeling weird. I don't think it was the weed that made you feel that way although I quit myself because it made my attacks and anxiety worse you should look up derealization and depersonalization which are caused by anxiety/stress I've don't quite a bit of research because of my problems and I think that may be what you are experiencing.

19 year old female. quit cold turkey for a month or two deal with the panic attack your brain will throw at you. were you normal before you smoked weed? any depersonalization before ever smoking weed in your life? if not quit and tough out the withdrawals and you should feel normal again. 

Ive had this for twelve years now its never went away i just cant enjoy my life , and i dont know what to say to make things better

Bro, I hope you see this, but I have a very similar story. About 3 weeks ago, I smoked weed for the first time. I was brainwashed by tv and the media and society and didn't think of it as a drug when my friends told me to try it. I was like well the whole world is doing it and its even being legalized so what can go wrong. Now the problem probably wasn't the weed itself but the amount I f*****g smoked, especially for my first time. I smoked 4 and a half f*****g blunts... 1 and a half at one time and the other 3 at the same time around half an hour later. I was f*****g stupid. I went in with no knowledge whatsoever and went hard my very first time. After smoking the first 1 and a half, I was having a good time, laughing at everything and anything and I had the stereotypical stoner red eyes and I was like haha damn. TheN about half an hour later, thinking i was f*****g superman i smoked 3 more with my friends. Now my friends are regular stoners, this was my first time. I smoked those 3 blunts within a total of 20 minutes. Big mistake. For about 10 minutes after we finished all 3 of us say dowb in chairs. My other two friends who smoked just as much as me, wer having a normal conversation. I was sitting in my chair with my eyes shut laughing non stop and bobbing my head uncontrobally in sync with the best of the music (had a small Bluetooth speaker playing in the background). This went on for 10 to 15 minutes, i was laughing non stop and continuously bobbing my head back and forth. TheN all of a sudden the high or whatever the f**k it was hit me like a goddamn train. My blood pressure started going up and down, my body was shaking uncontrollably, I was DEHYDRATING LIKE CRAZY my tongue was twitching anf moving and squirming on its own in search for moisture I had no control over it i would drink water and a second later I was hella thirsty again and that lasted about 3 hours. The whole dilemma of this super bad high lasted 6 f*****g hours of just non stop side affects. I had to keep moving to keep my blood pressure up because i knew if I say sat down i would close my eyes and i was afraid uf I fell asleep i wouldnt wake up. I was deeply scared for my life. I was afraid i would be like this forever. And if you read bad weed trip experiences, you will see people say alot of the same stuff im saying. I almost had an out of body experience. I could feel myself leaving my body but i was like f**k that i cant let thay happen cuz it might fucj me up menatally so i "pulled" myself back in so to speak. I almost fainted during my contious walk, because i stated walking up a bill and that sh*t was scary, I would move first anf my mind would register it later or maybe it was the other way around it was becoming dark and everything was spinning but I was too scared to faint too I was like if i faint I might not wake up so i did everything I could to grain to my dear conciounsiess and keep me awake. While time i haf to reassure myself that I'll be ok ill be ok. I told my friends to call and ambulance i might be dying. Mind you where i live weed is %1000 illegal anf if my parents found it it would devastate them. I was super scared. And the biggest thing was that thid sh*t lasted 6 f*****g hours. Just non stop dehydration, palpations, varying blood pressure, fighting the tremors and violent shaking trying to regain control of my body, trying to stop the out of body experience, fearing for my life and everything. Eventually my friend dropped me back home at around 11pm even though I told him to let me stay at his house til the morning but family would havr seen me in that state and been like Wtf. Once i got home I was 80% better, now only experiencing somewhat varying blood pressure and a moderate irratic heartbeat. I went to sleep and woke up in the morning. I was 90% better but still a little traumatized. I had some pressure under rhe left side of my body around where my diaphragm sure, everytime I breathed. I googled it and someone had a similar thing and said it was probably because of all the hard laughing and it'll be alright in a few days. And he was right. It took a few days, but I was totally fine. Functioning perfectly like before and feeling great. Btw, no the weed im %100 sure wasnt laced with anything. My friend grows it himself so if its possible to grow it wrong which i think is possoble ypu coulf say it was because of that but id argue that my friends smoked the same blunts just as much as me and were completely fine so make of it what you will. Ine of my friends said i was fighting "the high" and said i should have sat back down in the beginning anf i would habe been alright. Maybe he was right, maybe not nut o did what i deemed best for my survival at the time. Also i should mention i hadnt even eaten anyrhing that whole day before i smoked. Man i was fucjing stupid. Never again. Anway, around 2 weeks later, I stayed up for 36 hours. Around the 36th hour, I experienced that same blood pressure change I got from the bad high and the same difficulty breathing. So i was loke Fuc k i neede to final go to sleep. I was awoken that morning with a disturbance regarding a very dear loved one of mine. That coupled with what happened the night before gabe me anxiety and depersonlization.now let me elaborate on my experience with that. The varying blood pressure and breathing thing i experienced reminded me of that bad high and I think that really screwed me uo and it gave me anxiety. Anyway the next few days I had REALlY bad depersonlization. I felt like was looking at everything and experiencing everything from behind a glass wall. There was a layer that now existed between me anf reality. It really screwed me up.however, thank God, around 10 days later it went away 95%. However, ever sinc ei missed that night of sleep i feel as if my brain has been permanently fried or at least is still in need of more rest. Eve since that night which was actually a month ago now that I think about it, my productivity saw a SHARP decline. I pretty much accomplished nothing in that time period. But now I feel alot better. Before i was a super outgoing anf nature loving, living in the moment kinda guy. Yhen I became a slightly depressed but quite anxious and somewhat paranoid person. You say you wanted to go home. I felt similar. I wanted to be with my parents . I wanted to see their faces. I wanted to let them known I loved them. What i found that helped me yo get through my depersonlization was a few things. First s the mindset. Everything will be ok. Esp since I was spending alot of time with family, I was feeling comfortable. However in the very beginning I did feel emotionally disconnected and almost felt no love for my parents. Not because i dont love them but because of the anxiety or whatever. However i realized that my love for them is there, it's just suppressed and it needs to be uncaged. So i started spending alot if time with family and just believing that it will be ok. Also going out with friends definitely helps. Omg I forgot about the brain fog had with the depersonlization. That scared me so much too it's loke you cant remember anything you try and all you are is foggy and 8nclear sh*t man its scary. Just know it will be ok tho give it time. It may be hard but give it time and get emotional support. Mind you I haven't tolf my parents any of stuff I have experined/am experiencing. Eventually however the anxiety started getting to me and I told my mom I have anxiety af i told her I felt weird but didn't say anything beyond that. As small of a thing that may seem, I felt tons better after i told her. Now what i feel is just that my brain is fried due ti my lack of sleep from that day and my only problem now is that im paranoid about having some permanent brain damage. I went to the doctor today. I told him I think I'm experience (now mild *before quite strong*) anxiety. There are some other issues i have in my life rntoo like money problems and stuff and one other big issue related to money so that also helped in the build up of my anxiety with the bad trip reminder being the final nail in the coffin. The doc gave me a physical, checked my breathing and pulse very stabdard stuff and told me im fine and that i do seem to have anxiety and that once i solve tgat major money probelm i will be fine and i agree with him because that is whats bothering me now f**k the weed and sh*t idgaf about it noe i just know.im nver gonna do anything like that again. Doc saif i dont have any brain damage tho he ddint scan me or anything also i didnt tell him i smoked weed so thers that too, but i still do agree eith him. I need to somehow get rix if this sleep debt tho ove hesrd its possible and ive also heard its imoossible. It might be impossible to comoletleyget rid of it but it might be possible to bring it down eblugh to where its within my limits because that is the knly tjing notering my brain physically right now. I really hope this helepd provide insight or some help to you in anyway. I would love to sed a reply from you hope this heleped. Will check back on this thread ebery noe anf then. (Also im 20 y/o). In a way im glad i had that bad experincw with weed. If i only smomed thay one blunt in tbe beggging, i would have been like yo i wanna do this agaun and then i would have become a regular smoker, and then i would have become the one thing my.momma wouldnt have wanted me to be. So there is a silver lining to the cloud. If it hasnt become apparent, yes i love my.momma to death anf i would hate to dissapoint her you could call me a mommas boy but that dont mean im a wuss or a pushober. If i experienced all of this stuff with a weak mindset i woulf have never overcome any of this. I jusg perservered and stayed strong. I believe mindset is key to keeping your wits and your sanity esp during depersonlization/derealization. I just wish i could educate and ptevent stupid peope like me from rushing into and going beyoind your limits with these drugs and sh*t. I still kick myself for being so stupid. But i definetly learned a lot through this. I learned how scary mental prblems and illnesses can be. I leanred that depression is a real thing. I used to be one of those ignorsnt people who thought it was just an excuse for being lazy. And i only had mild depression. The depersonalization is what really psyched me out and now i have a newfound respect and patience for people with maskable mental illeneses such as anxiety. Ive always had respect and patience for people woth obcious mental illeneses but now i will be open to and less ignorsnt about the less obvious and hideable ones. I do belive believe everything happens for a reason and i do believe in God. I just oray I get over this fried brain feeling which im 99% sure is because if my lack of sleep. I have never been a fan if sleep. While I have no problem talking or staying asleep, I feel loke it's a waste of my life. I've always felt like that. But i mean it in the sense that life is short anf I dont like the thought of spending it staying asleep all the time anyway I think I u went s little of track. Wish you the best and rememebr. Stay strong. I still feel guilt about rolling and blazing that day because ny mom always told me never do drugs, even weed. And she was right. It screwed me up directly that day i smoked it and has screwed me up indirectly til today. I'm sorry mom. I love you.