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Well, my name is Kayla and I have been told by many therapist is have depersonalization. I have struggled with depression since I was 8 years old (im now 16). I have had depersonalization for close to 9 months now (on and off) and i have no ideal what to do. It all started last year around early june, my mother had a nervous breakdown and put me out off the house. Later, mid january i was put out of school and ever since its been a downward spiral. Ive been smoking weed, drinking and popping pills alot to cope with some off the pain i feel. Ive been trying to stop for months now but, things for me get to painful. The weed makes me very, very paranoid and brings out old feelings of being beat and raped. Eventhough Ive talk to therapist , because im only 16 I cant have sit down sessions with them because my grandmother wont allow it. I think because im depressed it makes these feelings worst, nothing feels real and im totally and completely detacted. Sometimes, I just want to die because I feel as though ill be like this forever. I really dont want to take anti-depressants because my best friend killed herself on them. So, if anyone doesnt think im crazy or totally screwed please offer stories or advice. Thank you......

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Seems I have to rewrite what I said: 

For when you have suicidal thoughts call:1-800-273-TALK      

Anyway- smoking weed, drinking, and popping pills is not going to help have anything go away. Sure at first it may seem like that, but it will only make you worse. Is there anyway your grandma would let you do sit down sessions somewhere else? Or is there a way you can do it without her knowing? I think therapy is a very important step to recovery. 

You do need to talk to a doctor, and be honest about the drinking,weed, and pills.  And see if you two can work together on something else if you don't want an anti-depression pill.
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Im 19 and also depressed. I dont have anything to be depressed about but I am. So.. i kinda know how you feel. When Im stressed i smoke pot and think about cutting... im telling you. this doesnt work! your obviously smart and have self worth beucase you want to stop! :) thats awesome.. dont let that go. Keep trying to further yourself.. dont let this take you down. Maybe take time for yourself... do yoga or go for a walk. Something to take your mind of things... that doesnt involve drugs or alcohol. yout not screwed and lifes going to be what you make of it.. keep your head and try to stay positive! :)  ***this post is edited by moderator *** ***
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