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hello,

i am suffering depression and anxiety and was diagnosed a year and half ago with a mental physcotic illness due to having thoughts of being watched, people on tv being able to see me and the thoughts that i have done something terrible therefore am being punished. just wondering if anyone else suffering from this?

find anything difficult, stopped doing all usual activities e.g. going out with friends, going down yard to look after/ride horse. feel quite isolated as havent seen any friends in a while but just dont want to be a burden with my low and probably catching mood. :S

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hello my friend and welcome to the club!!!


Unfortunately Im a depression sufferer too with general anxiety disorder. My job is very stressfull at moments because im in the miltary and u know all that shouting and discipline you have to do everything perfect ( u know that its impossibe!!!)


I was diagnosed with it for ayear and a half ago. I dont have thoughts like that like im being watched etc...but at times ill be very sad from nothing , i have crying spells, my anxiety become worse sometimes I have like depersonalization like I fee detached from the outside world like the things and the reality which is happening seems to be in a dream like state . I dont know if you can understand me!!!. Really i never thought I would have pas from this vicious sh*t!!!( sorry for my language but you know I feel so much frustrated and Im a different person and not like this!!!):-(((cry

Life seems no more interest me Thanks God Idont think of death or paranoia and im afraid that someday ill arrive at that thinking:(

I know that life is so beautiful and we have to enjoy every single moment of it because we only live once but this sh*t doesnt let you enjoy it . It feels like your mind/brain has been handcuffed by strong chains.

Yesterday I have experienced a terryfying panic attack. I was depressed from the morning and I forced myself and went out for dinner with my gf and her friends. All of a sudden i was feeling bit afraid of nothing . It was stormy a bit and I developed a fear from the bad weather and had experienced depersolization I felt detached for a moment and pretended that nothing happened to me . I tried to stay calm and smiled to the others not to let them notice of my attack!!

Then it passed away like nothing. I feel afraid of this sh*t . Idont want them to happen anymore. Im fed up !!!!!

I see floaters inmy eyes . Like blindspots and now im getting paranoid about them cause i know that they come from my depressive state and I thinking that until they wont go away , Ill be not feeling better anymore!!!!


I join u my friend in my sympathy I know how you feel . All that pain and sh*t comin to you . But live day by day and everyday is a new day . Yesterday is the past and you had win over yesterday. Survive today and live for tomorrow!!!!

Good luck my friend

Sincerely your new friend
From Malta

Gilbert
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hi Gilbert.

wow it sounds quite alike actually i totally understand your feeling fustrated i get very angry at my self and i completely agree with the thought that you should love every minute of life and all the good but how can you when your mind controls your every second of thought and doesnt allow you to even have a giggle at a joke. i went out for a meal too yesterday with my dad mum brother and grandad i felt ok but i did get panicky at one point when the camera was pulled out and dont worry too much about your vision i definetly get the blind spots too and often stare into space even when trying to focus on something. when i try and read a book i read the same line about 4 times until i shout in my head to pay attention to what im reading. sometimes i cant even see the next line underneath and end up skipping text or reading every other line so it makes no sense anyway!!! >:( grrr it gets very irritating doesnt it.

i havent been out with friends for a while miss riding my horse too but i just dont get enjoyment out of it and cant even see myself doing it again but as my mum and dad keep saying you do get better i did last time and hopefully will again this time. paranoia is bad with me also i think the craziest of things r going on behind my back which you couldnt imagine.

hope you get well too how are you coping with your work are you having time off or do you manage to carry on working in the day ?

kindest regards,

:-)
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hi nofocus and thanks a lot for you reply, first of all nice to meet you:)


I totally agree with of what you have said in your post . If you are new in here youre welcome with arms wide open . I wish I could really open my arms and hug you so strong.

My story begins around 2 years ago in June 2007 Ive noticed a changing freckle on my chest and I started to get obsessed on it . I thought that its something serious . I thought that it was Melanoma and could lead to cancer. I cried over and over and was worried about it. I was feeling depressed and started to have panic attacks . My heart starts tobeat faster . Couldnt breathe properly . Feeling I was going to die. My brain felt very heavy and foggy at times. I couldnt concentrate and focus. Couldnt sleep . It was a nightmare!!!

I didnt took no pills nothing at that time . It took about a month and everything was gone like I had got my normal life back again. I started to joke and laugh all the time with my friends and relatives I was a new person once again and thought that it was just a nightmare that had passed away from me. April 2008 I had a lot of stressful situations. I was short in money. My car broke down . I lost 3 friends and my grandma in a space of 3 months ...

And voila One day I was out and I was feeling anxious and felt like somethin is blocking my throat and the next day woke up depressed and anxious:(

Fortuately my anxiety seems to be less intense than 1 and a half year ago but still I have a lot of bad mood and sadness from nothing.

I dont know your story and I would like you to share your experience with me If you like.

We are here to help each other :-)


Sincerly yours

Gilbert
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my depression started years ago i was about 14.i think. i have been on alot of diff anti depressants and nothing has worked
so i self medicated with weed for teh past 7 yrs. well i was smoking way to much so i decided to quit. i know i was still depressed while smoking and was just numbing it all and buring it deep inside me. now a month and half off and i cant stand myself i am depressed constantly. i have only neg thoughts. i dont think i deserve to be happy for all the sh*t i have ever done!! i do the same stupid stuff and sometimes think ppl can see me but i know they cant. lol its dumb. i feel dumb. i either cry all the time or dont cry at all it just depends. i was seeing a therapist but now i have no insurance.......so im just trying to deal with it. i told my mom everything i was feeling whcich is a lot and im to irritated to even go own rambling about every little thing. but she said she felt the same way i did when they put her on zoloft. i had a bad reaction to it. adn prozac and welburit well everything. now with no insurance theres not much i can do. sometimes i have scuicidal thoughts but i would NEVER act on them, im to scared of going to hell. and i know my life is not that bad. well its not bad at all compared to others! but i cant be happy, its like im going to be like this forever. i will try and have positve thoughts and tell myself sh*t could b worse but it dont help. nothing does! sometimes im fine but most of the time im depressed. i want to smoke again just to numb this feeling. i just dont know what to do. nothing is helping. i have to kids and im never there for them like i should be due to this sh*t. i could just lay in bed and sleep or watch tv all day. i dont know want to do anything. everyone irritates me.
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Hi Vangie,

your depression sounds very much like mine was i smoked weed for nearly 10 years and ended up having such a bad reaction and developing schizephrenia. trust me when i say you will not be like this forever, as hard as it is try not to smoke weed anymore as it only worsens the mood long term. i think you need to go to your doctor and tell him everything including about the weed. i am on citalopram, mitaprozeen and an anti-physcotic and im finally doing things i used to studying my degree and looking after myself it took 3 months until i could leave the house on my own and im finally getting my life back and trust me you can too. i used to sleep or ly in bed all day and not eat, stay up all night watching tv and have all sorts of negative and strange thoughts. i thought i was being watched by people and that my life was being broadcasted on the internet. IT WASNT everything was in my head and it is yours too. try and get help and you will get better.

thanks xxgood luck
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yeah im done with the weed have been for a month and half now. i used it for depression and anxiety then it stopped doing the job and started causing those things. the doctor put me on the citalopram and i had a bad reaction like i did on prozac. my eyes were dialated adni was pale nad nauseated, my anxiety was ten times worse. i only took it once it was 20 mg. but now idont have any insurance so i cant do anything. when we get insurance again i will. I think im copeing pretty well on my own and through prayer. if i could lay in bed all day i would but i have two boys that arent in school yet so i have to function for them. im just tired of feeling like this. its been yrs since its been this bad. i know it will get better but i hope its soon. everyone said it takes six months or so to recover from smoking so much. i smoked the past seven years. spent about 4-6 hundred dollars on it. smoing about 1 1/2 grams a day. if i couldnt get dro i would have to smoke more regs to numb everything out. now im doing it on my own and trying to deal with the way i feel. i really hope our insurance kicks in soon i cant stand being like this.i have all the symptoms of depression. my therapist was sayin i might be bipolar but my insurance ran out before i could ever get diagnosed. sucks
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its good you are still functioning for your kids it keeps you focused and stops you smoking weed so its positive. think of the good things rather than the negative you will never be like this forever and im very proud you are doing this alone but once you do get insurance you can see what you have and hopefully get the meds that suit you.

good luck
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oh i will. its only gonna be a month till we get insurance woo hoo!!! but till then im gonnna have to deal with this. its like one day im depressed then the next im either fine or suffering from my anxiety. i will be okay i know i will. just takes time nad i have to do stuff to keep my mind off sh*t!! im exhausted. very xhausted. my body hurts my head hurts. i have no appeitite! sucks. i hate anxiety i think its worst than depression
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anxiety is a killer. go on the website a man called paul david suffered with it for 10 years it explains it soooo well a really good reading piece. just think anxiety is just a feeling it cannot harm you so dont fight it just let it come and without fear it can no longer survive. take care xxx

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i know it just sucks having this feeling 24/7! im tired of it already. the depression and everything it just sucks!!
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Can you tell me a little more about it? I usually don't like to hop off the forums to read more about things. Can you post some of the story here? Thanks!
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hi no focus and all other friends:)

I hope you all feel a bit better. Yeah anxiety sucks so much. I used to take xanax to control it but it wasnt helping me and I told my doc to stop it. Now ive been without it for more than 3 months. Fortunately Many symptoms of anxiety had been dimisnished but I still have other symptoms. I used to have a lot of heart palpitations and something stuck in my throat. Now at least they are gone.

Im still a bit panicky and feel sad from nothing at times. I have eye floaters in my vision, My stools are lose.and etc...


Well thanks for listening
Take care and hug you all xx

Gilbert
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The loose stools eventually go away. The more meditating I have done, the less my stools are loose. I can even drink caffeine without suffering any ill effect and that feels great. How about you?
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TODAy sucked
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