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HELP ME!!!

i'm 16 i was a happy fun loving kid, i literally was happy about everything, a little stressed out because of normal life but nothing big, no history of depression or anxiety or anything of the sort, i was extremely energegetic and happy i would just be so happy when i got home every day to look at my life.

I vowed to myself never to smoke pot when i was younger but when everyone of my friends all my successful friends whether it be in school or sports started doing it a tried it.

I had smoked twice before as much as all the other kids i was with yet both of those times i hadn't felt a thing, i was perfectly normal, i figured i was one of those kids whom marijuana has no effect on.
one time i was with some of my friends (not truly good friends, i dont know if that is relevant), but i smoked more then usual because i wanted to actual feel something, see what this was all about.

At first i felt fine and happy althouhg uncontrollable laughter was begining to worry me. but at one point i started thinking of things i was worried about in my life (school, girls) normal things, etc. they were amplified so much that thoughts of jumping out of the car passed through my mind. i told myself this would be over eventually i played mind tricks to get through it. when i finally got home i felt better i didnt know i was still high.

next morning i got up and felt like life wasnt worth anything really
i didnt experience derealization but things just felt funny maybe 98% real but not 100%. i went to go hangout with my friends not abusing any substances whatsoever and i felt better. but i realized that i needed to change my "venue" frequently to feel good about life. i went to a party later that night and i felt fine and i thought my depression had passed but when i got in the car without my friends it happenned again.

i figured i could sleep it off but i kept waking up in the middle of the night being depressed.

the symptoms are normal things that usually make me happy like being with my mom or my family or just playing some video games don't make me happy.

the next morning after the restless sleep i didnt feel depressed anymore but later that day after thinking about the yesteday and the day befores events i became sad again. i went into my bathroom to hide and i started crying for a good half an hour.

i just want this to be over and i want to see if anybody else has experienced this. i just feel depressed and i want to be happy, tiny things like being in circuit city when its going out of business sends me into such a fit of depression that life even watching succesful people on TV makes me question whats the point. i feel like my peripheral vision is a little less clear and i dont feel comfortable. i literally feel homesick in my own house, homesick from my old state of mind i miss it and i just want to return.

if anybody can help me or knows what im talking about please help
Thanks

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Well good news and bad news, I can totally relate to everything you are saying. Specifically feeling homesick to be back into your old mental state. I am 23 now and smoked pot when i was 22 for about 8 months. I went into a deeper state of disassociation than you and even at times thought the TV and radio were sending hidden messages related to whatever i was thinking about.

I constantly had to change venues or get bored, i lost interest in video games altogether. Lucky for you you made the association early on between pot and these feelings. I kept smoking for a good while after that before things got really bad. Lost a good girlfriend, lost or rather quit my job, ticked off my family and a lot of friends pretty good. Got pretty depressed and was only happy/not anxious when i was high.... almost like my mentality made me want to be alone with weed and have weed be my only friend.

Good news, It goes away... i've been sober about 4 months now and i would say it was pretty bad for the first three months but after 90 days things started to get a lot better... they continue to slowly improve. I've started enjoying socializing again and even video games. Not quite like i used to but it is getting there.

Bad news, I hear that for people who weed has this effect on (which is a lot more people than are aware of it cuz they just smoke more to dull it out and then think that therefore weed helps them). Anyway bad news is i hear that these effects can persist sporadically for about two years after you quit. Like you will have random days where you feel pretty down and depressed and don't enjoy anything and want to... go hide somewhere. Then you will feel fine for a while. The bad gets more and more spaced out though. I would recommend you stay away from weed for good, alcohol for at least the first 90 days.. it slows down the process. Not that you are supposed to be drinking anyway :-p
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Your feelings are completely natural. It seems as though you have an anxiety disorder like I do. Mine Didn't start until I was 16. I had been smoking weed since I was 14 and I quit. I fell into a depression quickly after this and had derealization and depersonalization. The best way to get rid of your anxiety , dr and dp is to focus your mind on something uplifting, like how you want to do better or be nicer or anything thats desirable for you. The reason you think the world isn't real is because you are spending all of your time searching for answers why you think it is. If you forget about it, it will go away. Hope this helps :-D
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Hi my name is Taylor and im 17 years old... i can relate to your experience being high.. but much worse.. ive always been a deep thinker.. thinking about the meaning of life and where we are... i smoked weed about 5 times and never got high, than around the 6th or 7th time it hit me. i felt like nothing mattered and i couldnt stop laughing, than after a whilke my thoughts started to control my head... thoughts like "who am i?" "where am i?" i didnt even know what a human was... and i could nopt respond to anyone that was trying to talk to me.... after it wore down i still felt high, as i do now. But ever since that experience i have had these crazy thought that wont go away. And i cant even see straight. i have derealization/depersonalization, anxiety and depression... I was so out of my body that i would just walk around all day by myself (not even going to school) starring at things and wondering what they were... i couldd look in the mirror and not recignize who it was. i could see my mom and my dad in my face. But i didnt know who they were... It was horrible... the last thing i wanted to do is step foot in a class room, where people could judge me. so i asked my father for help, he thought i was NUTS... so he sent me to the hospital where they were trying me out on different medications. than they sent me to a rehabilitaion center. I remember sitting down and physically being there but feeling my head floating up into the sky aand not being able to talk cause i was in such extreme fear.. they tryed out a bunch of drugs on me but the best thing that seemed to work was cymbalta im 17 and it is recomended for 18 years or over but it works well for me.. im still diswsosiated but NOT NEARLY AS BAD. I honestly think that marijuana caused this... i have been through trama though... my mom trying to kkill herself in front of me several times, my grand parents dying, my brother abusing me, along with my dad, being left alone most of my life locked in my bedroom... and several things that i have emotionally blocked out... i want my depersonalization to go away but at the same time i dont.. because we see the world in a different light that no one else sees... like a movie, its unreal and beautiful. I can look in the mirror and see myself in "third-person" as i like to call it.. but i see myself as others see me. in a way its cool because i have a more abstract thought pattern and im much more understanding and interested in sciences. If i didnt have this than i would be no different from any one else.
embrase it. BUT YOU MUST GET HELP IF YOURS WAS AS BAD AS MINE.... i can enjoy music, art, and beauty now and im begining to find myself...
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Ive had the same thing happen to me my friends. It hit me after not smoking for about five months. I was thrown into a panic attack and sent to the hospital. i dont know what else to do.
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WORD FOR WORD that is exactly what i went through. actually, im still going through it. and i usually panic from morning to night just thinking that maybe i belong in a psychward. i cry 24/7. derealization, depersonalization, dissociation,... all of it. i think time is the best answer, along with ways of dealing with anxiety maybe? could you update me on how youre doing? i'd really like to talk a bit.
ANYBODY who can update me on their stories. any success? any advice?? i'd surely appreciate. im reaching desperate here... =/
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Hey guys my names Nerissa and i'm 17 , straight up everything you guys are saying i've been through all of that sh*t mine is mostly Derealization.. like the dizziness, not being able to see properly , rapid heart beat, loss of balance, and bright light makes it a lot worse for me.. like point on same exact everything you guys are going through i feel you. I've had dr/dp since April. 20th 2010. the first time i experienced this sh*t was a month before april and it only lasted for a week. i ended up in the hospital because i thought i was having a heart attack when really i was tripping balls , long story short the doctor told me "there must of been was coke in the weed " ..when really there was wasn't because clearly i was the only one effected so harshly, so anyways a month passes and on 420 i decided to take a little puff an BAM f**k.. i've had dr/dp since then so for about 9-10 months. (i'm not a harsh stoner or anything by the way, just once in a while)...

This f*****g dr/dp is some real sh*t i would not EVER EVER wish this upon my worst enemy, i'd rather go through physical pain because i feel numb most of the damn time. This condition has negatively effected me in major ways; i don't recognize my family and friends they seem like strangers to me... i would be paranoid FOR NO REASON , i would get these over whelming outrageous thoughts, i thought i was going crazy that i was going to die/ how the world started/am i really here !/who the f**k AM I?! (that type of sh*t).. like i was just completely losing my self i was a nervous reck! , I'd look in the mirror and could not recognize myself and i sometimes still think this. i would rarely go out of my house or to school i skipped a lot because i would be so scared be around people and like somebody else said i was scared of being judged, i just felt so dizzy and anxious and just screwed up. ontop of that my parents don't know wtf I'm going through so they think i'm slacking off. I have an okay support system my friends kind of understand and give me advice but you really have to see through my eyes to really feel the hell that we as dr/dp sufferers go through each and everyday.. But within these past months I've improved quite a bit . i've stayed very actived and i exercise,It helped me alot to get out of my house because my house as my safe zone, i would be so scared leave, but facing my fear really helped i've been going out with friends and started to party like i use to , my diet is on key i take Omega-3 fish oil supplements and i drink lots of water and of course i have not smoked anything since April 20th 2010. I do believe that the change of thinking from being scared of life to positive thinking,hope and the positive strong attitude I've kept has helped me.. and i mean yeah i do have my bad days still a. My memory... it's still pretty bad lol like i don't remember sh*t all most of the time. i still feel like i'm living in a dream and my life is an HD movie and it sucks like f**k and its jut so DAMN ANNOYING but what can you do right ? but if we all just keep fighting and try and live your life like you used to i know we will all get better we will all get through this sh*t, don't force yourself to get better but take steps.


- and has anyone held a job while going through derealization ?
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Taylor, I can relate to your experience completely. Funny thing is that I'm also 17 now and in the past I've smoked weed about say 4 times and the fourth time I felt the physical effects but the fifth time was actually 3 days ago and ever since then Literally don't know who I am anymore, keep questioning every thing to the point it needn't be questioned. I'm also very philosophical and usually do try ponder ideas and thoughts about 'life'but ever since doing weed last time, it's been the scariest thing ever. What I did actually was stare into the mirror, to the point where I couldn't recognize myself,I too forgot everything thn and didn't even know what a human was, I ran straight to my brother and started to freak out, asking him repeatedly "what is this? Is this reality?".

Also I've been suffering depression for more than a year now and panic attacks as well...

I really don't know who I am and I feel like there is two people or minds in this body, i am so disjointed that's it's unbearabl. I've only told a few people, and went to the doctor today, Ofc I didn't say that I did weed, but I'm sure that it just exacerbated the anxiety I already had.

I'm still feeling like a complete stranger I don't even really know what I'm doing now.... The doctor gave me anti depressants which should ease th anxiety symptoms, I start the course tomorrow, so I'm bloody hoping I can go back to how I was before :( I really truly hate this.
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Im going through the exact same thing as well man. Im 16 also by the way. It all started when i had a horrific high when i ate like 4 weed brownies that were filled with some high grade sh*t. This happened about 3 months ago. And the last time i smoked was close to 3 months ago. Every time i smoked weed after that night, I would get incredibly anxious and paranoid so i decided to stop. I went through the craziest anxiety and now im going through some SEVERE depression. The worst thing is, I think smoking made my OCD even worse. Because now I get pointless things stuck in my head for days. I think it's called obsessive thoughts. Believe it or not, about 4 weeks ago i saw a cockroach in my bathroom, and I still think about it from time to time. It is annoying! And for my depression, its gotten pretty bad lately. There's times when I feel life isn't worth living. It got SO bad that i started writing in a journal and it really helped. Hopefully, with time things will get better. Keep your head up man. You're not alone :).
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Have things gotten better for you? I am 22 years old and I got this problem like a month ago after taking a hit of some cocentrated THC. I was also on an anti-anxiety drug called Buspar. Needless to say it really screwed me up and now I have derealization everyday. I feel like I'm in a dream-like state all the time and it is bothering me extremely bad. I've already been struggling with depression and anxiety, but now I feel like I don't have a grip on my life. I'm thinking of taking Wellbutrin to help with the depression and this derealization so I can get through school and such. I don't like taking antidepressant medication, but right now this may be too much for me. Have your problems gotten any better? Do you think this is temporary?
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I would appreciate a response from anybody about derealization. Is it temporary? Would taking Wellbutrin be a bad idea?
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Thirty05,

Yes it is temporary and it does go away, I speak from experience. I'm 26 now and have smoked for the last 5 and a half years quite steadily increasing my usage every month until I was full blown stoner. I would usually only smoke with friends and acquaintances but started the lonely stoner smoke sessions and became more reclusive over the next few years.

One night I was doing my usual ritual of breaking up the bud and packing a bowl and then puff away. Little did I know that bowl would change my life in more ways then I ever expected. I smoked but something happened I got this nervous type feeling, not really paranoia but just something was up and I knew it. I tried thinking of things to take my mind of it but I couldn't. I couldn't think of of anything to make me happy or give me that ease feeling that flows over you..it never came. I freaked out, ran upstairs to my dad (he knows I smoke, he does too) and told him and his friend that I was bugging out but they just laughed and were telling me to let the high ride but they didn't get it, I knew what letting the high ride was all about but this ride was faulty, very faulty.

Over the next 8-9 months I was a mess. I was depressed, anxious, blank minded, dull witted, and every other kind of feeling that no one ever wants to feel. Things didn't seem real although I knew they were, they just seemed bland and very boring, None of old hobbies interested me, I didn't talk to anyone about anything other than how I felt it was a very strange state of mind. I was ready to try anything (non-narcotic or prescription related) to take it away. I spent hundreds of dollars on different vitamins and herbs with little success other than a few placebo effects from a few different supplements. I started having odd beliefs about things like, What are thoughts? Do i have them anymore? It felt as though my mind had rejected me and I wondered if my personality would ever come back.

I began reading everything (literally I read the entire internet =P) about people that were experiencing this so called 'marijuana induced disassociation'. I also began to post on forums similar to this and just to get a comprehensible paragraph into the text box was huge feat. I mean I had to re-read and edit about a hundred times before I felt it made any kind of sense.

Im gonna cut this a little short cause I'm dozing off over here but I'll end with a title of a book that I read that really acted as a ladder to climb out of the hole I was in, it's called 'How to lift depression fast: The human givens approach'. It's a very informative book that had a very different approach to what depression, anxiety, and all that good stuff is and why it happens. I HIGHLY (no pun intended) recommend book. It was final gotcha to the whole derealization game.

Best of luck to anyone going through it and hang in there IT GOES AWAY, just give it time.
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It can cause a lot of anxiety, and sometimes some symptoms of anxiety that are amplified compared to how you are feeling (like chest-pain, twitching muscles, and I also get this weird sensation in the back of my head). It was weird today though, I literally feel high and euphoric. I don't understand it, I didn'teven sleep last night. I've also been titrating off of the anti-anxiety medication Buspar. My doctor wants me to take Wellbutrin, but I am a bit reluctant to throw that into the mix. What do you guys think?
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alwaysbelieve: Please let us known what happened! Did you managed to get over it?
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did you managed to get over it? please let us known!
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