Hello guys. I've come across this forum, and although I know how bad reassurance is to my anxiety/OCD, I need peoples inputs.

All my life, I have known myself to be straight and never questioned it. I'm a 23 year old woman and I have a wonderful fiancé and two kids. I NEVER have questioned my sexuality until a couple months ago - when my anxiety went spiraling. I have had multiple anxieties that took over my life but I seemed to get over it, never realizing that I had obsessive anxieties. But with help and therapy, I realized that I have indeed struggled with anxieties and obsessions all through my life and it just so happens to be HOCD this time around...

So here's my background. I've always have crushes and LOVED guys. ALWAYS. When I was younger (probably in elementary school like 4th or 5th grade), my step sister used to force into doing stuff with her. Stuff that when I look back at it, I am embarrassed and deeply regret and if I could take it back I would. I do remember her letting me hump her leg and I would enjoy it because I loved the feeling of down there being pleasured... that was it. But I also remember not enjoying the fact that she would always force me to do things. As we got older, and our parents separated, she stopped forcing me to do things.

When I got older I liked to masturbate to lesbian porn, but I never wanted to do things with girls in real life. I never had feelings for a girl or wanted to be with a girl. Quite frankly, thinking about being with a girl gives me so much anxiety. I have cried about it, called out of work, avoided other woman... the list goes on. I HAVE NOTHING against gay people, I have friends who are gay and I never shamed them. It's just not the way I rolled. Or want to roll. I have thought that other woman are attractive or pretty, even have been so envious of them wanting to look like them, etc. I also have found for example, found their body parts like boobs, wanting mine to look like theirs and also they could turn me on... HOWEVER I have never wanted to touch another girls boobs or butt or whatever cause it just doesn't sit well with me. If I ever gotten turned on by watching or looking at a girl looking or doing provocative things, then honestly it just puts me in the mood to have sex with my fiancé. And I have NEVER second guessed myself, until my anxieties got the best of me this year. At first it started with intrusive thoughts about my religion, then hurting my kids, then not loving my fiancé, and now being gay. It's never ending worrying and it drives me nuts. Some days I'm okay and think that I have gotten over all of this but then I'll catch myself checking if this girl turns me on or if I think shes pretty, etc etc. Then it starts my anxiety and panic all over again if I feel like I do get a response down there....

Please help.