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Hi there, I'm an 18 year old female and I have been experiencing some of the symptoms that seem to be similar to "HOCD". About a year ago, I discovered porn. I viewed straight porn first experienced little arousal and then I stumbled upon lesbian porn and experienced enough arousal to climax. At this point, I didn't really wonder whether I was a lesbian or not, I just recognized the porn as something separate from my real life where I wanted to have sex with men and relationships with men. I have had 3 relationships with men, 2 of which I have felt extremely intense feelings for the men emotionally and sexually. I have been in a relationship with a man since May of this year. I can confidently say I was completely in love with him. I had my future planned around him and was ready to commit to him for a long time. Then, two months ago I was thinking about how aroused I get by lesbian porn and lesbian thoughts and how much little I get aroused by straight porn and straight thoughts and automatically questioned, "Am I a lesbian?". Right after this, this is all I have been able to think about for almost 2 months. The feelings for my boyfriend have dropped almost completely and I do not have nearly as much desire to have sex with a man as I used to. I've pictured being with a man vs. being with a woman and I can really only see myself ever being in a committed relationship with a man. I have never been attracted to women in reality, but I now find me asking myself, "Do you find her attractive?", "Do you have the desire to get to know her?". I've been a confused wreck and it's been taking over my life. There are many days where I completely come to the conclusion that I'm straight, but then I find myself going "What if you become a lesbian in the future?" or, "What if you marry a man but then become a lesbian while you're married?". Also, after I just hangout with my girl friends, I always think "you're definitely not a lesbian", but then the next day these compulsive thoughts fill my head again! Lastly, I have not ended the relationship with my boyfriend. When I was happy with him, I was extremely happy. I'm just so afraid that this is a phase and that when the OCD vanishes, I'll miss him and regret breaking up with him. Anyways, I would appreciate any kind of advice or input as to what I should do next or as to what I am experiencing. Thanks!

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Hi there! I completely understand your concern, but I don't think you are lesbian. You can't just become one. You can't make that conclusion just by waching a lesbian porn movie. Porn movies are made to get everyone "experience arousal". They are all beautiful, sexy, perfect , enjoing themselfs...but still it's just a movie. By watching Lord of the rings you don't get to ask youresf if you are actualy a Hobit :-D . As you just said, you do have a loving boyfriend, and it's not your first one, you don't get excited by women in real life just by wathcing them on the porn, well we all do XD . And there's noting bad about it. You don't have to cheat on your boyfriend to find out if you are a lesbian (though I think you're not), maybe you could start flirting with a girl or somethig "inocent" like that and you will see if you like ti or not. Jut stop thinking about that and enjoy your life.
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Hey, thanks for the advice! I broke it off with my boyfriend and now the OCD is barely there. I guess somehow, although the relationship was seemingly perfect at one time, it was the trigger of the HOCD. Now I'm back to my boy-crazy self! I still have SOME HOCD thoughts, but they're fading and I'm much more relaxed. Thanks again!
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we need to wait our passion come true only when we meet people in different occations. so wait and see yourself what you are really.
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