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Me and my boyfriend broke up because he believes he might be gay.

Well the thing is, hes been suspecting this would happen for the length of almost our entire relationship and now hes left me for another guy. I dont blame him for it or anything, hes been interested in the guy for some time now and he is still trying to figure out his sexuality. He says he is still slightly attracted to me and he still loves me but he wants to try dating guys to see if he prefers it more. This has been causing me alot of pain and i know he feels guilty about it but right now I am more miserable than i've ever been before. This has been my first "real" relationship and my first breakup and its horrible. The relationship itself caused me enough pain but i cant imagine moving on without him. I feel like everything I care about, everything thats important to me is gone. He was my entire world and i cant stand to be miserable and heartbroken while he continues to experiment with other guys. My only hope right now is to wait and see whether he enjoys being with guys more than with me. He says he still loves and cares about me just not really in a physical way. I dont want to move on. I dont want to try to cheer up and be happy and get over this. I would do absolutely anything to have him again, but the possibility that he may never want me back is crushing me.

I feel like i'm drowning in misery. I've always been depressed before and now that this has happened it makes everything else i had to deal with even worse. I am not doing well in school, I feel like I dont fit in with any of my friends and now i'm losing the one person that i felt like i could really talk to, the one person i enjoyed being with more than anyone else. Before this happened I used to have thoughts of suicide. Now they're coming back and I feel like I'm mentally sick.

I dont know what to do about all of this. Should I try talking to him more or should i just try to forget about everything we had, even though at the moment that seems impossible to me. Or, should I wait and see if theres a possibility that he might not be gay afterall? I mean, hes only a teenager and its natural for him to be curious about the same sex as well, but I'm worried that he might just forget about me, lose interest and fall in love with some guy. Please give me advice on how to deal with this, I'm new to dating even though we were together for almost a year, and I dont know what to do about this.

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You are not alone. And supposedly, it happens to lots of people. My first boyfriend broke up with me 7 months ago because he is gay. I was completely crushed. And still am a little hurt by it. But if he says he still loves you, then what's the reason in cutting off all ties? He can't help how he feels. And I'm sure he is going through a lot right now also. My ex and I are still great friends. I felt so much like you, you won't even believe. I didn't trust him that he wanted to still stay in my life after he had told me. But he did. And still is. And now that I know this about him, things have been so much better between the two of us than ever before. Knowing the real him is what makes up for it. You just have to accept him for who he is. I know it's hard right now. But just trust me. I've had the same issues with suicide and such. I made it...haven't found someone new yet. But I'm doing okay. I know you will too. You just have to hang in there. I'd be glad to talk. I know it's hard to find people who have been in a similar situation.

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On the emotional issue, I can relate; I suffered from clinical depression for years. There's no one solution to the problem - people and their symptoms vary too much for that - but I would say one thing: relying on someone else's affection is dangerous. Of course, you should talk to people and seek whatever help you think you would find useful, but staking something as fundamental as mental health on a relationship is too much of a gamble - you need to find a way to be happy, or at least healthy, by yourself. Relationships end all the time without any sexuality issues.

On the gay issue, I can also relate, though not with the exact situation. It sounds very, very like your friend/ex is gay - you say it's usual for straight teenage boys to experiment or wonder about the same sex - unfortunately for us gay males (I speak from experience), it really, really isn't - at all. Real straight guys are pretty straightforward - they like ladies and lady-bits and that's it - boy-bits creep them out. (Sorry)
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Yeah I know what your going though. My ex boyfriend was my first love for and my first kiss. He was everything to me and I was always there for him. Sense I met him I was attracted to him and loved him. The past few years we have been though so much together and I thought I could trust him no matter what. He told me he loved me and the past few months I felt as if he was drifting away. I gave him chance after chance to tell me how he felt and he just held me and told me how much he loved me and never wanted to brake up. Then a few months ago he tells me he is gay. I broke apart and I have been stuffling with a low selfestem every sense. He still flirts with me constently and cant keep his hands off of me (I dont understand).

A few weeks after we broke up he found some one new and I swear I still feel a bit used. Thats when he started to act gay which is something he never did before. He is still uncomfertable about being called gay and I dont rly understand I guess he is getting use to it. All I can tell you is to just take a break from him for a few weeks. Thats what me and my ex did and that time away made things a little easier. I realy dont understand why gay men have to go out with a woman break their heart is beyond me but apparently they have to. Your going to hate him for a while but it will pass.
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You need to decide if you want your ex to still be in your life. I knew I was atracted to guys in some degree since I was 8 or 9. You don't know what it's called ,you just know that someone you know seems to please you to be around. And you are curious about the bodies of other guys, just seeing what they look like, not in a sexual way, at least that you know of. The pressure on most high school age guys that they should be dating ,or be in someway involved with a girl is unbeleivibly strong. It is what is expected of you. I dated in High School, we made out and she seemed like she wanted to go farther, but I usually made an excuse and left. The next couple of girls I did end up sleeping with. The thing is that is was like a game. The object is to date until you go all the way and you win. And you know something is wrong about that. I dated a few girls after school, even thought about marrying one,but knew it wouldn't work. She tried having sex with me to try to convince me. And she knew what the reasons were I didn't want to. Then you think to yourself, I'll tell my family I'm dating a black girl. Then when they find out I'm gay, they will be relieved that I'm not marrying her. I slept with a woman old enough to be my mother when I got my apartment at 18. And yes there was guys in school that would mess around, either because they were curious about how things worked,we had just hit puberty, or they knew the could take advantage of you wanting play around, and it was usually one sided. You think that your ex or soon to be ex is just out there carefree and having a good time. It has taken a lot of pain and soulsearching on his part to accept who he is. Many men, Do get married, to please their families, to look normal to everyone else, and sometimes they make it work no matter how painful it is for them.They love their kids and their wife, but it just isn't what really satisfies their soul. Watch the movie FAR FRON Heaven" , it is a main stream movie with major stars. But it will show you what happens when people try to fit in. Be glad that you found out now, before you were married and had kids. And realize your not the only one who is feeling pain and anguish.Nobody is worth killing yourself over. No matter how bad you feel. You have to have respect enough for yourself to know YOU are the most important person in your life. And life goes on and will get better. Trust me, it does. If you let it.
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I can't even begin to tell you how much this story relates to me right now. It seems as if I wrote this. I know how you feel, and I'm in your same situation...It's difficult, and I'm still wondering what to do/think. It recently happened to me as well... I hate it so much. Every time I think about it, I want to cry...The worse part is, that there's nothing I can do.
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Remaining friends is good,because they are not abruptly pulled away from you.If his flirting bothers you,tell him so.He was honest with you,you should be with him. It is most likely a show to the others around you that he is still straight. Another good movie to watch is "The Mulligan's" ,their son is college age, so they have been together at least 19 to 20 years.You can love someone without wanting to have sex with them.Friendship is made up of a lot of other things besides sex.Do you want to know now or after you've been together for
a good part of your life? And it is true,you can't change someones sexual preference.
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I am in the EXACT same situation but I have been dating my boyfriend for three years and I gave him my everything..including my virginity. I feel like SUCH a fool and so used that it's not even funny. I feel like he's just been using me to get through higschool and to impress his family but now that he's a soph in college he doesn't need to use me anymore. I also have suicidal thoughts and it is really bad. Like i do not have a problem with gay people at all but I feel like such an id**t to lose my virginity to a gay man and date him for three years. He has purposed to me and bought be a ring and everything. We would always talk about what kind of dogs we were going to get, how many kids we wanted and what their names were going to be. He promised me he would never hurt me and he did. I come from a background where I've never seen a realtionship work out. Not even my parents and I didn't even belive in love until I found him, but now I know he just used me and lied about everything he's ever said to me. You're not alone at all, trust me.
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I am responding because I am looking for advice too. I hope you are happier now and that things all worked out.

I am struggling because about 5 months into my relationship with my boyfriend he told me he had a couple sexual encounters with men. He comes from a family that does not tolerate gay people, so I am worried that I am his cover because he is too scared to tell them the truth. I have had such a hard time dealing with this because I have low self esteem and worry that I am not enough for him because I don't have a penis and cannot fulfill his needs that way. He is always saying that I am the woman for him and says how he wants to get married, but he never initiates sex and lately hasn't been in the mood. And I am terrible and looked through his online history and saw that he started watching gay porn and was taking quizzes trying to determine his sexual orientation and googled "I like penis and girls". 

I am just not sure how to talk to him. I won't be mad at him and I want him to be happy even if it means we aren't a couple anymore. He is my best friend and always will be. But I also don't want to get married and have kids and have him break it off when we are 50 because he has been keeping this pushed deep down inside of him.

Please help...

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It's timely that I found this page. I am browsing for some enlightenment on how I feel right now. I have a mutual understanding with a man for more than 2 years now. He courted me as a normal man, gave me flowers and sweets and lured me to fall for him. I was there for him too during his dark and low moments. I even supported him financially even he needs. After a year, I learned that he is gay. I felt like I was splashed with a bucket of icy waters. I felt being used as a front but I gave him a chance. I did not confront him at first but my woman's instinct told me to snoop into his emails and I found the answer. When I told him about it, he said we will discuss it later. He is not yet ready to talk about it and I gave him time. I love him but I felt being betrayed. He said he will turn his back away from gay lifestyle but his sms messages tell otherwise. Worse is I found out that he has an endearment with a guy friend. I suspect that he has a relationship with him as his attention to me now is not like before.

I pondered on this during my sleepless night. I fear for the uncertainties in the future and I decided to let him go. It's excruciating but worth it as I know that I can't love someone who has divided attention and affection towards me.

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I think the issue with these relationships is that the guy is so endearing, and sweet. They chase you and make you feel like the best girl in the world. I'm currently in a relationship for about 11 months now and it was a mutual agreement that my boyfriend was bi, and I accepted him for it. Recently, he's been pushing me away and ignoring me because he needed space. In actuality, he was thinking of breaking up with me because he wanted to go figure out whether he was gay or not. Of course I automatically thought it had something to do with me, but it doesn't. He says i'm the most perfect, loving girl he has ever truly loved, but there is a feeling in him that he wants something different, and that something is not me. The way he said it was very hurtful, but I truly believe he was trying to be open and honest. He was my first love and it sucked to think something was so great and really was a lie. I don't think he didn't love me, though. He's proved that before and our sexual relationship is great. He just needs space to figure things out. The best thing to do is to break it off and tell him you'll support him, but you cannot get into any emotional/sexual encounters. You have to fully come to an understanding that he may not ever come back. It is tough and I am suffering right now too. I went into depression during my time with him because of his threats of breaking up and not being able to tell me why. And now that he finally decided to come out with it, it wasn't too much of a shock, but it certainly didn't make me feel good. I felt alone and deserted. He said we were soulmates and we were absolutely perfect. He doesn't have gay stereotypes, but I guess it's something he wants to explore. It's been over a year now since you last posted, and I hope that you are okay. I felt a lot better when I found out that other people are going through the same thing. It's easier listening from them than with my friends because they don't really understand what is going on. I hope the best for all of you, and I know that we will all find someone that will be committed to us and only us. 

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Hi, I can really identify with the last few posts. Two years ago I searched through the web for similar threads. I was madly in love with a wonderful man. He treated me like a queen. When we began dating I used to tell my friends "I hope this one lasts because he'll have ruined me for other men." Then after we had known each other about seven months he told me that he was bisexual. I read everything, looked for as much information as I could find. I loved him but was worried that I might not be able to meet his needs long term. Ultimately, I realised that as sexuality is unique to each individual no one can answer that question except your partner. Unfortunately, I've come to know that his answer may not be truthful or complete depending upon how comfortable he is with his sexuality.

I asked him. He told me that he liked men and women, had explored both genders and relationships with each and had a strong sexual and emotional preference for women. He said he wanted to be honest with me as he loved me. He was also, on the face of things, comfortable with his sexuality: his friends and family all knew. I trusted him and was relieved that he had had the opportunity to explore before meeting me. He was 31 when we met, is 34 now. He was first with men at 19 but had been with far more women. He'd had an on-off relationship with a man for a couple of years. His most recent relationship had been for 1.5 years with a woman.  He had loved both. He could love both. He had never broken up with either a man or woman because of their gender. Great, I thought, he's the elusive bisexual people doubt but he's real and he's wonderful and he's mine!

He is no longer mine. He broke up with me in January. He couldn't do it to me anymore he said. He had lied. He had to imagine men in order to orgasm with me. He wanted to be straight very badly. He wanted to get married and have a family. He loved me and thought I'd make a great mom but he was gay. He didn't want to be gay, wanted to be bi but wasn't. Over the past few months he's been coming to terms with it. He's been re-coming out to friends and family. He has started dating and is happier in himself. The whole relationship has devastated me.

I don't know what your partners' stories are. I don't know if they are bi or gay. However, as nasty as it may sound: I weighed up all the information I had and it pointed to Bi; I listened to the man I loved as he told me he was Bi; I don't doubt that bisexuality exists BUT if I had to do it all again I'd have told him I loved him but had to let him go. The damage to your self-esteem is not worth it. Love them BUT love yourself more. When I searched I found lots of posts by women who had doubts or who had just found out. I always wondered how their stories had ended. I hope this helps. 

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Aw, I feel like I could have written this comment because this happened to me today, with the person that I love. He was the kindest man I've ever been with and we had such good times. I can't keep him--I knew I had to let him go but it doesn't make it any easier. However, it was probably the most gentle break up I've ever been through. I felt real love, even if it wasn't the kind of love where you get married and have a family...it felt much more powerful. He made a break through and he needed me to understand...I was angry at first because I couldn't imagine being without him. I can't contend with men (or other women for that matter) but then I realized that I want him to be happy and free...and I want to be free too. I am hoping to see him again someday but he needs time. He was like an earth angel to me...always there, so loving, so genuine. I'm glad for his honesty. He didn't want to hurt me later on down the line. It was so hard to say goodbye but everything dies eventually, no matter how much love is around.
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You have no idea how helpful it is to read these messages, especially yours. It is almost like you wrote exactly how I feel and what I am going through. You are right, it does feel better to see other people are going or have gone through a similar situation, and only they, can truly understand the pain.
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I was with a man for five years in in we broke up in i have a baby from him in he just told me he is gay everybody use to always say it in i took up for him but he new why string me along i hate him
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