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To start of, i am a 16 year old boy and all my life i have been attracted to girls and stuff, since i was little i would always try to kiss them and stuff and ever since i was 12 i tried to have sex with them and stuff, thats when i started masterbating too, over girls at my school and watching lesbian porn, i could never get off at straight porn because the penis bothered me, gay porn was very very disgusting to me.... sometimes i even masterbated to hentai, but both straight and lesbian hentai.....
Almost all of 2011 i was in love with a girl, she was very very pretty, i wanted to be with her so bad, i just loved her so damn much, i masterbated over her almost everyday, when i was at school i would always look at her and think about being with her, but until mid october i thought she wasn't for me and then after that that thought stuck me "what if i was gay???" and i started pancking and breathing deeply and saying i am not gay, i am not gay and then i calmed down.

but then a few days later the thought came back and got worse!!! i started feeling really depressed, i was lying on my bed and i started to jump and move around on it like i was having a seziure, keeping making my hand in to a fist, rolling up into a ball and many other things, then that night i couldn't sleep and two nights after that i couldn't, i felt horrible for those days i didn't sleep, i finally got to sleep that third night because i didn't sleep the other nights, but still the next morning i woke up feeling horrible.

since that i just can't stop thinking "am i gay???" it has been on my mind 24/7 since that day nothing else and i just can't take it anymore, i'm having thoughts when i think i really am becoming gay and i have to accept it but i don't want to and having thoughts too that i never knew i was gay, one side  of me that wants me to be gay and the other side doesn't, but most off all i don't!

also my thoughts keep saying to me ""YOUR GAY YOUR GAY YOUR GAY GO GET A BOYFRIEND" and i think "NONNONONONONONONOO I DON'T WANT THAT I AM NOT GAY AND I WANT A GIRLFRIEND!!" and i panic so much. When i see good looking guys i feel funny and my mind says "oh he is cute" and i think "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE IS NOT!!!", i used to think that with girls "shes pretty" if i saw a pretty girl but i really don't anymore, i didn't have any funny feeling seeing pretty girls. My heart doesn't beat to guys, but still only beats to girls. But my mind is saying "your gay" I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON, this was happening when i was watching rise of the planet of the apes with james franco in it, my mind saying "oh you think he is so cute don't ya?" and again "NONONONO" and i just get so panicked, i have to stop watching the movie and i get all agitated, i have watched james franco movies before and never had those thoughts before.

Also i think its gotten worse since the other day.... i had a dream about gay sex i saw two guys doing each other and i wasn't my digusted in my dream and when i woke up my mind is saying "you liked that didn't you" and i think "NOOOOOOOO I DIDN'T!!!" i can barley get turned on anymore either, i look at lesbian porn and feel bored with it now, I USED TO FREAKING LOVE LESBIAN PORN!!!!!! i get all sad and think "why is this not turning me on??" then i look at gay porn i don't get turned on and i don't feel disgusted, my mind says "haha you like thatttttttttttttt" and then again i scream "NONONONONONO", then i look at straight porn, nothing whatsoever.

Now i woke up this morning and feel gayer than ever, i don't know why, i didn't have a gay dream, but i feel that i am gonna get turned on by gay thoughts.... i have been taking Lovan every day since december ( i told my parents  in december about this because i thought it would go away soon but it wouldnt) and all it has been doing its taking the anixety away because i used to have anixety before i started taking it.... the thoughts are still there tho....
i just started taking some other medication, don't know what it is called and i think that is what is making me gay!! i think this medication is making me gay :( :(

please help me.... i wanna die..... been straight 16 years of my life..... loved girls....... THEN BOOM..... i am suddenly probably gay :(

sorry it so long aswell

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Hi Snake,

Did this start before or after the Lovan?  Is it worse now than before?

Lots of teens have some questions about their sexuality at times.  Just because you've thought of a few things does not mean that you are homosexual.  You are who you are. 

Why did you decide she wasn't for you?  Did you ever ask her out or did you just dream about her?


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I had the horrible thoughts before Lovan, but got worse horrible thoughts after Lovan but no anxiety.

I know alot of teens do... I know i am straight but my mind doesn't stop saying your gay to me :(

and because she was actually a little younger than me (2 years) and she knew after a while that i kept looking at her and she must have knew that i liked her...
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Snake,

Have you ever had a girlfriend? Not one that you've admired from afar like this girl, but a real live walking, talking, girl?

Is there a girl you're interested in now? Go out with a girl and have some fun, see how you feel. The other girl may not have known what you wanted.
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I have never had a girlfriend but have always wanted one so bad but my heart has only beaten over girls, never guys.
I am not really interested in any girls right now.... but maybe i will try looking at girls at school more.....

I am just so so so depressed today, i'm sweating, feeling anxious for some reason.....
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Dafuq did I just read
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I have been thinking about being gay since i was 19... I was the happiest child in the world back then. I´m 26 and have the feeling i wasted the last 7 years. I am working on picking my life back up at the moment and this article of yours really helped me a lot. Because I still torment my self every second day by watching gay porn and somedays I´m just not able to think about something useful apart from how can I prevent the straight ship from sinking. It´s really tough to live life sometimes and I hate myself for the person I let myself become. I never wanted to be gay, I never wanted to be dishonest and chaos is the result when you don't know what honesty actually is anymore. Don't get me wrong my life is okay but I´m not even near where I would like to be. I don't even know why i share all of this with you. Maybe because I want you to know you really helped me here, maybe because I haven't talked to anyone about my situation lately and it feels good to just puke all the garbage out you need to digest as the days keep coming. This all sounds a bit sad up there. But I´m actually a pretty funny and "happy to be happy" guy. I just want to say thank you. And if you want your penis sucked some time give me a call... just kidding Thanks man or woman.

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Guys... stop stressing. Feel whatever you feel, and be whatever you want. So what if it turns out that you like guys better than girls? Go for it and see where it takes you. If you don't like it it, stop. If you need a break, take it.

Don't stress about it. Allow yourself to indulge in whatever fantasy makes you feel good. Enjoy it. Get into it. Let it take you wherever it takes you. You don't need to be ashamed.
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mm mmm mmm
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