Honestly my life is a living hell or feels like it, it feels like my obsessive thoughts are trying to make me into something my heart knows I am not. Like I said I know for a fact I am not gay but no matter what info I have intrusive thoughts still give me anxiety and I just wish It would stop. I have had sex with about 5 girls and I loved it, I love boobs and nice butt on a girl, and I have been very emotionally attached to girls that I have had relationships with as well as plenty of crushes all throughout my life and I find it exciting to fool around with a girl and love their features. Ive also fooled around with a few close (girl)friends and it was awesome, thinking about that makes me so happy and I feel a little like my real self, and my god, is it a wonderful feeling to actually be happy for a moment. I have been able to overcome these thoughts and feel like myself every now and then, but because I have had this going on for soooo long, the OCD just finds new ways to scare me, and I am to the point where I really am about to crack, I can barely find solace anymore. I have tried talking to a doctor but I am shy and do not explain it good and I believe I have the will to get through this but I just really want help and advice, my girlfriend is supposed to come back in half a year, I want to wait for her, but then again I don't. I love her alot and she loves me, but loving someone who live 8 states away is hard, right? Sometimes my OCD tells me that it isn't right to naturally have a hard time with this, which makes me even more depressed because I know for a fact that it is normal. I just don't know what happened to the me that used to be confident with anything no matter who said anything, I miss drawing, writing and expressing myself, and just generally enjoying life. I find gay life in no way at all appealing and just want to avoid it all together. I used to smoke weed alot and never get paranoid, but like alot of other people I have been getting paranoid with it, so I stopped, which I know is good all together. I just get anxiety and heat pounding and negative emotions even if i see a word that would spike me. It's hard to get excited about sex but still do, its just when i do sometimes, my OCD tells me i shouldn't like that and gives me negative emotions (despite before getting HOCD i was turned on all the time, but hey OCD wins by telling me even more dumb sh*t).
Actually, I feel pritty good giving out this rant, but I know that in an hour I will feel horrible again because my HOCD will tell me sumthing stupid.
and that is exactly how life is going, I couldnt explain it any better, I know many other girls and guys are going through this hell, Help a sufferer out please?
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I understand bud, its a living hell. You are not gay if you wanted to bang women and know that you still do. I am going through the same problem and it has gotten better however you need to ignore the doubtful thoughts abnd focus on what is real... you liked women before right? no sexual feelings for men ever? ever notice if a man is good looking but feel no lust whatsoever? did you think about girls most of the day and everyday? If you can answer these as a straight man, you are not gay.