Hello I am 20 years old and I think I am suffering from some form of HOCD it has felt like I have been for 9 months now and heres why I think this it all started last year when I got this really bad tattoo done it got infected and healed so badly (I thought I had a disease so I waited a good 10 months and got blood tested and I am ok) I then lost my virginity to my girlfriend and it made me feel better I kept having sex more and more I liked it Id always been sexual with girls before I lost my virginity fully to my gf anyway so yeah it was going ok I was getting over the upset and depression of my bad tattoo but was happy I had sex with my gf then I noticed I had this really weird feeling almost like a gay one over my step dad I assumed as it was around him when I had it I didnt quite understand it but dismissed it as I usually did with all my bad faults I have suffered from bad OCD and anxiety problems since I was 13 also it runs in my dads side of family schizophrenia and OCD but anyway so yeah I started feeling awful then I noticed I couldnt shake off this gay feeling in me feeling I liked my own step dad who is not attractive and like my father from a kid hes been like my dad man and it hurt me so much but I couldnt dismiss it then after having sex I then noticed my gf stopped wanting sex and started avoding me and coming to see me and was acting unfaithful to she started emotionally hurting me and I just got worse and the gay obsession over my step dad became to feel real like I loved or wanted him when it is disgusting and I would never go near him! so yeah I have been suffering for months over this and it makes me feel I cant fully feel feelings for my gf but my gf has hurt me so much and I think cheated on me to so I dont think I love her anymore she also avoids me to much and has treated me bad when all I have done is be so nice to her and she is now 17 years old and she herself was claiming to have slept with girls and said sexual jokes on her guy friends and on fb I saw unfaithful convos so yeah its weird and recenetly I meet a girl online in newcastle I went to see her yesterday and ended up having sex with her and I am not with her aswell as my other gf who has no idea of this I also have no job and I have noticed my HOCD will interfere in anything like if I think about applying for a job I will feel I cant do it cause I am gay or feeling depressed over the weird gay obsession but I have recently taken up CBT and I was on clompramine meds but stopped taking them due to side effects I really need help I want to get on with life at first I thought I was gay but then I sort of realised that it is HOCD after reading about my symptoms and understandings so yeah I now have 2 gfs and tbh I am probably going to pick the one from newcastle as she is so loving and I also had unprotected sex with her to I only am attracted and love girls not my step dad or any other guys I dont find guys attracted yet I have worried for so long and been bothered about this also have a great anxiety around my step dad which is so sad

Please help me I am 100% sure this is HOCD as I am comfortable with my sexuality its just I seem obsessed over this also getting hurt a lot by my gf made this HOCD feel real and get worse I assumed my gf was cheating on me for being gay please help me I need to be explained more on HOCD I do not know a lot of it also it isnt really an attraction with my step dad its a anxiety feeling and i get bad thoughts or words in my head over it but lately it has got a lot better for me but it still is a problem could having sex of made me become obsessed with HOCD also the girl I have had sex with yesterday it felt really good and right and I am pleased I have done it even if it means ive cheated I have been avoided and neglected and not sexually loved for to long I had to do it

regards

james