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Hi Everyone,
I really needed to release some of this sorrow from my heart.
I was 10 weeks pregnant, getting ready to go into the hospital for my first sonogram this week on the eighteenth. I began to have minor bleeding on thursday of last week, and decided to go into emergency. They took my blood, did an internal and an external sonogram, and the "regular" exam.
All of these examinations came out 100 % wonderful. Baby's heart rate was 175, and everything looked GREAT !!! They sent me home, with caution, and I was confident. The slight bleeding continued, and I thought it would be alright. Then I had slight cramping on and off.
My husband and 2 boys went out to dinner saturday night, with no thoughts about what was about to occur. I came home and felt gushes and discovered the massive blood loss, and headed back (with my husband) to the emergency room, where the bleeding became extremely severe. I was given intravenous fluids, as the labor began, and the cramping severely like waves. After the IV fluids were complete, the cramping slowed, and the bleeding also.
I cried, knowing what was happening, not fully understanding why. I went to a private room, where I delivered the amniotic sac with my baby. I knew full well what it was, sitting alone. I took the sac into my hands, and stared in shock. I didnt want my baby to just be discarded....my heart broke at the thought. So, the amniotic sac broke, and I saw my TINY TINY FULLY FORMED little angel, ALL 10 fingers and toes, blue eyes....just needed a chance to grow, a complete baby the size of my pinky finger. I sobbed, my heart was breaking and breaking. I held this tiny little miracle in my the palm of my hand.
I called to my husband, and asked if he wanted to see the baby. He said "Of course I do". He saw our baby, and cried in pain. and held me so tight. I touched my precious baby's fingers and toes, and gently propped up my baby's tiny head. Baby was the most incredible thing I have EVER seen.
My husband left to get a nurse, I put my precious baby gently in tissue, covered ... and as quickly as it happened, the nurse came and whisked baby away.
Please don;t think I am strange, but my first thoughts were.."My tiny little life, is no longer in the safety of my womb, and is going ALONE to the coldest place of this hospital. I just wanted to scream "Leave my baby alone".
My husband and I held each other close, in shock. The took my baby, did blood work and exams. I intend to find out the sex of my baby, and some of the nurses that I know informed me that I would possibly be able to get my little ones hand and finger prints. I intend to name my child, and hold a little service possibly. I feel pretty numb right now, not exactly sure how to feel.

I have counseled many women in crisis pregnancys, and NEVER imagined I would hold that tiny miracle in my own hand sobbling. Baby was COMPLETE....looked completely like a newborn, just needing time to grow bigger.
I am thankful that I was able to hold my angel and see the miracle, though my heart breaks. I am at peace knowing that my angel is now in the hands of my precious Savior, and that I will see again some day. I feel like the world is standing still at times during my day, but I will be ok.

Thanks for "Listening",
Hizgrace

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Hizgrace,

I am so very sorry for your loss, and I hope that some of the comfort you have managed to provide for people in their time of need will come back to you and your family ten fold.

An angel wrote in the Book of Life
Your baby's date of birth
Then whispered as she closed the book
"Too beautiful for Earth"

casig x
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Oh my gosh Hizgrace, i am so sorry. You have helped me a few times to try and straighten out my head, i am here for you now if you need to talk. Again, i am sorry for your loss.

bbfeet
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bbfeet,
You are a precious precious person, dont you ever forget that

Hizgrace
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Casig,
Thank you for the poem. Interestingly enough, at the end of your poem, you mentioned too BEAUTIFUL for earth. WELL.... I had all but decided 4 days before, that if it was a girl, we would name her Bella, which means beautiful in Italian. Thank you for your precious words.

Hizgrace
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