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Me and my boyfriend are deeply in love. When we first got together he wanted to have sex all the time but due to lack of confidence after a bad previous relationship, it took me 3 months to finally feel ready to. He was romantic, sweet, loving and made me feel really wanted and appreciated. Shortly after we began having sex, he seemed to start to go off of me; doesn't really touch me any more, only has sex with me after I either give him a hand job or give him oral and ignore him moaning at me to stop all the time. He doesn't act like he wants me at all. We then have boring sex because he doesn't want to do anything fun or exciting and then afterwards wants to talk about something, go somewhere or sleep; no more intimacy at all. I'm pretty sure this isn't down to him losing interest in me sexually becuse I'm an attractive girl and have a decent body; I'm almost certain he isn't cheating because he doesn't look at other girls, watch porn etc out of respect to me and I know he loves me more than anything. I have tried to ignore this issue for months now but it's getting to the point where I don't really fancy him any more because he never turns me on or makes things enjoyable for me; I'm never sexually fulfilled and would never, EVER cheat but am starting to fantasise about meeting a guy who wants me and gives me good sex. PLEASE can someone help me out as to what is going on and what I can do to sort this out?! Ohh and I have spoken to him about this so many times, been so open about my feelings and he never understands how I feel, just says he will try and change but it never happens!

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Unfortunately love isn't enough too keep the two of you together anymore.  He needs to show you more interest sexually or he WILL lose you (or I hope he will) as you need to move on for yourself so that you can be in a relationship for the emotional, physical and mental which he is not fulfilling for you.  You are and have done more for him and your relationship by trying to engage him sexually and physically (relationships are not just about the sex you need to have communication as well).  Trying to talk to him about it is a start but with him continually pushing you away is not doing anything for you or the relationship, his lack of communication says more than anything right now - he's not interested.  Is he a video gamer?  What has him so preoccupied with his time right now that he has no time for you at all or no interest in you?  Do you walk around him naked at all?  Do you guys masturbate in front of each other (this is a huge turn-on for me and we are married)?  Do you have any children together or from another relationship?  Do you have any similar hobbies that you used to do together and don't anymore?  Anyways, just trying to get you thinking about him, the relationship and if it's worth saving.  Good luck and hope this helps

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Health Ace
6884 posts

You're spending too much time analyzing it. You're no longer enjoying the relationship so get out.
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Hi Lauren, I am really sorry you find yourself in this situation. And you may not want to hear this but I tend to agree with the others. I was in a similar relationship for 22 years and it never got better, no matter what I tried, and I tried everything. It was completely soul destroying. There is some hope but only if he is willing to do the hard work (though why making love is hard work is beyond me) to improve the sutuation AND get counselling. This can't be done without professional help. Personally I would leave him and find someone who truly shows that he cares. Love is a verb. He has to take action to change things and demonstrate his love through his actions, not empty promises. if you had been in a committed relationship for a long time or if you had children ny answer might be to get counselling with a time frame for improvement in mind. But if those don't apply then cut your losses and move on to someone who can be deeply intimate with you. It is so lonely being in a relationship devoid of intimacy. Even though I am now in a relationship with a demonstrably loving, caring, affectionate man and we have a wonderful sex life the trauma of my marriage and 22 years of neglect and loneliness continue to haunt me. There was actually a time when I thought is never be able to let go of the pain of that. I just don't want you to experience what I have been through. I am sorry I cant be more optimistic but differences in sexual desire and needs for intimacy are very hard to resolve. I really feel for you and wish you all the best. There will be a man out there who can love you completely. Don't settle for one who repeatedly shows that he can't.
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