I was dating a guy for about six months now, things became serious between us probably two months into it. Everything seemed so great with our relationship. We had so much in common, had so much fun together, and got a long great. He has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and takes medication for it. He has been taking medication since he was in his late teens. He's now 27. Initially when we started getting together he said he was not ready for a relationship so things briefly stopped for a bit. He then came to me and told me he wanted to make things work between us and that he is just going to have to get over his fear of relationships. We fell completely in love, did so many fun things together, and began to grow stronger as a couple. He would tell me how happy I made him, how he loved being around me, and at one point he even told me how he thinks I saved him. This didn't strike me as anything at the time, however looking back on it, it now does. About a month and a half into our relationship, he lost his job, and began stressing about money and his life. Shortly after this he told me he needed space. I gave him his space, he went away with family for a weekend, and when he came back, he seemed back to his normal self where he was always wanting me around, was telling me how much he loved me and how much I meant to him, how excited he was about this relationship, and how I am one of the best people he has ever met and been with. He told me how much he missed me when he was away for the weekend, and how we would have loved to have had me there. He said he couldn't wait to spend time wit me. So things went back to normal, spending time together, being our happy normal selfs and he was always wanting me around. He was constantly telling me how much he loved me and cared about me. Then probably 3-4 weeks later, I noticed he started getting distant again. I brought this to his attention and once again said he needed space to figure out his life, how he is stressed about money and what he is doing. He even said how he thinks he might have bipolar (which one of his family members has been diagnosed with). He said he is just so up and down and can't control it. However during this conversation he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me just needs space to figure out his own issues. Once again I was willing to give this to him. Two days later we had a date night, things were great we had both been busy so we were both excited to see each other. Then probably half way through the night his mood completely changed, would barely look at me, talk to me, and just completely distanced himself from me. After putting up with this complete mood swing for about two hours, I asked him what was wrong. He then proceeded to say that things just aren't write between us, that he loves me so much but just sees me as a friend, tells me I'm perfect in every way, however that he just isn't happy with us anymore. During this time where he proceeded to say these things he did not show one sign of emotion, could not look at me, was on the breakdown of an anxiety attack. I was trying to calm him down, ask him if this is what he really wanted, and was saying how much I hoped this was just the depression talking. He just kept saying he needs to be alone, he can't do this and how I am nothing more than a friend, and that he thought he was in love with me. I am at lost what to do, haven't spoken or heard from him in a week. I feel that if he is suffering from depression and anxiety which he has been diagnosed with, shouldn't the pills which he takes on a regular basis help in his anxiety (which he constantly complains of being anxious) and not have him reach this complete lows. I know he is stressed about not having a job and being in debt however I am so confuse and just need advice what to do. I love this guy so much.
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I am going through the same thing.
Except he's never told me that he sees me only as a friend.
Though i know from guys, that they tend to say the opposite of what they mean when they are anxious.
So I guess the real question you need to ask here is "Do you really love him enough to wait for him?"
I know we don't want to wait for what is unsure or uncertain. But if we are not willing to try, at least for a long while... then we should ask some serious questions about our motives, and goals. Because if he's really the one, give him some space to figure out that you are the one. I mean... if he doesn't talk to you in a few months... you can send a text asking how he is, and allow him to pursue you from there. But don't pursue him, or try to make him feel even more out of control by telling him it's his depression talking.
let him figure it out. Cause if you have to do all that work... what are you gaining?
I completely believe in unconditional love. And totally get the bipolar/depression/anxiety thing. But it's really no excuse. At some point he's gonna have to fight back, and if you're worth it to him... he will.
It just may take him more time than you'd like.
So you have to make a choice... TO WAIT? or TO MOVE ON?
Cause to control... or pursue... are both the wrong choice.
Especially in this case... where he's feeling unstable.
he may be trying to protect you from him.
But in the end... when a guy realizes he's got the girl he wants to spend forever with... he'll never let her completely go.
So don't worry every little thing is gonna be alright.
I wish you the best.
Except he's never told me that he sees me only as a friend.
Though i know from guys, that they tend to say the opposite of what they mean when they are anxious.
So I guess the real question you need to ask here is "Do you really love him enough to wait for him?"
I know we don't want to wait for what is unsure or uncertain. But if we are not willing to try, at least for a long while... then we should ask some serious questions about our motives, and goals. Because if he's really the one, give him some space to figure out that you are the one. I mean... if he doesn't talk to you in a few months... you can send a text asking how he is, and allow him to pursue you from there. But don't pursue him, or try to make him feel even more out of control by telling him it's his depression talking.
let him figure it out. Cause if you have to do all that work... what are you gaining?
I completely believe in unconditional love. And totally get the bipolar/depression/anxiety thing. But it's really no excuse. At some point he's gonna have to fight back, and if you're worth it to him... he will.
It just may take him more time than you'd like.
So you have to make a choice... TO WAIT? or TO MOVE ON?
Cause to control... or pursue... are both the wrong choice.
Especially in this case... where he's feeling unstable.
he may be trying to protect you from him.
But in the end... when a guy realizes he's got the girl he wants to spend forever with... he'll never let her completely go.
So don't worry every little thing is gonna be alright.
I wish you the best.
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I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. It is the closest, most honest and loving relationship I have ever had. We love each other, have fun, laugh and enjoy being together. He is very affectionate, holding my hand whenever we are together. He told me very early on in our relationship that he had bipolar and was taking medications. He told me about the suicide attempt he had almost ten years ago. If he hadn't told me about his diagnosis and his past, I would have never known anything was different. After about a month into dating, he couldn't afford his meds, so went on a strict diet and exercise routine. Looking back over the last few weeks I can see something was bothering him. He doesn't sleep, so he works nights. But the last few weeks, he has only been sleeping a couple of hours each day. He wrote on his calendar how much he is dreading the holidays. He told me he can't concentrate, and when watching TV, can't remember what he just saw.
He lives an hour away from me, and I was getting ready this morning to head up for the weekend. He sent me a text that he was coming down to see me. I was confused. He was so cryptic, that I got a sense of dread throughout my body. I asked him if we were OK and he said that is why he wanted to see me. I called him, and asked him to at least tell me he wasn't coming over to break up with me. He said he couldn't tell me that. While I was waiting for him, I panicked, cried and was hysterical. I called my Mom and she said to listen to him, hear him and tell him that he could break up with me, but I wasn't going to break up with him. I know there isn't anyone else, I knew that he was probably going to try and shield me from the darkness of his feelings.
He came over and looked pale, sick, tired and thin. I walked over to him and without saying a word just held him close. I was quiet and waited for him to speak. We sat together on the couch, in each others' arms, holding hands. Then he told me he was unraveling, had been for weeks, and was paranoid and hearing voices. And that he was there to break up with me. I listened to him, held him and was very calm. I asked him if breaking up with me would help his problems. He said he needed to be alone to work things out; that he needed to go to his counselor and his doctor for help. I asked him if he still loved me. He does. I told him that even though we aren't married, our relationship is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I told him I was not going to let him push me away and that we weren't breaking up, but I would give him the time and space he needs. I told him that even if he didn't love himself or have faith in the future, I have enough of both for the both of us, and that I wanted to be his friend when he needs one. He agreed to my compromise. We are still in a relationship. I am still his girlfriend and he is still my boyfriend. I asked if I could call him in two weeks and if he would take my call. He said yes. I said that maybe after the holidays were past we could meet to re-evaluate where we were at. I told him I love him no matter what, that I won't let him push me away and that he can trust me to give him what he feels he needs.
Now I am just waiting, holding my breath, hoping he gets the help he needs and praying that we come through this stronger than ever. I am posting this, looking for some hope that everything can be OK again.
He lives an hour away from me, and I was getting ready this morning to head up for the weekend. He sent me a text that he was coming down to see me. I was confused. He was so cryptic, that I got a sense of dread throughout my body. I asked him if we were OK and he said that is why he wanted to see me. I called him, and asked him to at least tell me he wasn't coming over to break up with me. He said he couldn't tell me that. While I was waiting for him, I panicked, cried and was hysterical. I called my Mom and she said to listen to him, hear him and tell him that he could break up with me, but I wasn't going to break up with him. I know there isn't anyone else, I knew that he was probably going to try and shield me from the darkness of his feelings.
He came over and looked pale, sick, tired and thin. I walked over to him and without saying a word just held him close. I was quiet and waited for him to speak. We sat together on the couch, in each others' arms, holding hands. Then he told me he was unraveling, had been for weeks, and was paranoid and hearing voices. And that he was there to break up with me. I listened to him, held him and was very calm. I asked him if breaking up with me would help his problems. He said he needed to be alone to work things out; that he needed to go to his counselor and his doctor for help. I asked him if he still loved me. He does. I told him that even though we aren't married, our relationship is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I told him I was not going to let him push me away and that we weren't breaking up, but I would give him the time and space he needs. I told him that even if he didn't love himself or have faith in the future, I have enough of both for the both of us, and that I wanted to be his friend when he needs one. He agreed to my compromise. We are still in a relationship. I am still his girlfriend and he is still my boyfriend. I asked if I could call him in two weeks and if he would take my call. He said yes. I said that maybe after the holidays were past we could meet to re-evaluate where we were at. I told him I love him no matter what, that I won't let him push me away and that he can trust me to give him what he feels he needs.
Now I am just waiting, holding my breath, hoping he gets the help he needs and praying that we come through this stronger than ever. I am posting this, looking for some hope that everything can be OK again.
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My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship. We were friends for 4 1/2 months before making the decision to date. While we were friends he always went up and down in his commitment to his emotions toward me.. I told him once early on that i could see he liked me, then he denied it. I felt left in the dark, but didn't really believe him, so i took it calmly, and said... "Well, it was nice talking, i'm feeling a bit vulnerable, and i gotta get back to work anyways." Later that night, we couldn't sleep, and wrote me a LONG email telling me how much he actually did like me, and how he just wanted to keep it as friends for a while, cause he's not ready for a relationship. So we were friends for 4.5 months, and i went to go see him for my vacation time. After about 4 days he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said... that i didn't think he was ready, and wanted to just allow our friendship to grow for a while first. He said that he felt he already knew me, and knew how he felt about me, and knew that dating me was what he wanted. I told him to take the next day or two to think it over, and i would think it over too. The next day he asked me to talk with him, and i listened to him tell me that he felt alot of peace about being with me. He said that he didn't have everything figured out, but that he was confident that dating me was what he wanted. After i had space to think about it, i decided to accept that he knew what he needed more than me, and i can't be afraid of him maybe not being aware of where he is at, but needed to just trust him. I could tell he was still recovering from his ex gf treating him badly. But he was so hopeful and positive with me, and had been consistent for a while. I accepted. The next day he freaked out and said he's not sure that he made the right decision, and that he needed some space to think it over again. I was bothered, but told him "How about we don't talk for an entire day, and you can take all the space you need." I was staying at his place, since i live in a different state, so that's alot of time. Anyways. He couldn't even take the whole day, and came home and i was out, and asked me where i was and if i would come home to hang out with him. He told me he was just scared, and that he knows dating me is the right decision. For the whole 10 days i was there, he had me totally invested in all his family, friends, and acquaintances. He embraced me fully, and I got along great with him, and his family, and his friends. I fit perfectly with him, and in his family, and life, and etc. The last day i was there, he told me "I find that i am so proud to know you, to be with you, dating you, your friend, and to show you to my family, and friends." Later that day, about 4 different references occurred with him asking me to move there to be with him. He sat me down and asked me to stay, and not even go home. I told him i wanted to, so bad, but that i had responsibilities to take care of first, and also didn't want to jump the gun so soon. He then said that he'd come during christmas and then take me home with him. I wanted to just see how things rolled. We had fallen in love, but were seeking to be wise about what we said, so we didn't say "i love you" right away. After i was gone for a few weeks, it started to take a toll on us. He sent me an amazing birthday present, and made me a cd full of love songs. He got really scared soon after as if he was rushing the relationship too fast. I told him to just chill, and we could slow down if necessary. At the same time i expressed that i was growing more in tune with him about moving in December. As i did, he got more scared. A guy who wouldn't even let me get on my plane before i left, now acting like he wasn't so sure. Nothing changed in our relationship, or interaction... and no drama (other than him asking me to not call him babe, cause his ex did). I know he'll never be back with her, so i wasn't jealous of it, but i wanted him to get over the pain of the past. I've had to deal with that too, and it shouldn't affect the current relationship... as you forgive and forget. Anyways. He then asked me to come back for a family trip to the beach that they have every year. So i did. I went, and had a blast. Fell totally in love with his family too, and he totally encouraged me to get to know them deeply, and vice versa. He seemed so anxious and distant at times, and yet at other times so comfortable, embracing, and romantic and affectionate. We went to a concert and he held me all night in his arms, and laughed and danced with me. I told him that night that i love him, and he said thank you. Then the next day he acted somewhat distant.
Then the next day, he broke up with me. I was like "What?" I was so confused and in shock, i really didn't know what to think about it. I kindof didn't believe him again. Though he didn't say it when i did, i knew he loved me, cause he treated me like he did. I was like... what is he afraid of?? I was definitely the cool gf who respected, and loved him well, as well as was independent and strong. I always think of his needs, and seek to be understanding. Anyways. So i left him that day for a little while, and went to talk to his mom there about what happened. I told her how i didn't really understand what he was doing or why. When he broke up he said that he didn't really know why he was breaking up, but that he just felt there was something missing in him that he wanted to feel. When i was gone, he texted me and asked me where i went. I told him i was with a friend, and would be home soon. He then called his mom, and was crying to her... not knowing i was there listening. He cried more than i cried. I didn't cry, cause i didn't really believe it. I was still in shock. I cried a little, just not as much... until i got back later. I went back to him, and the first thing he said to me was "i don't want to break up, i just feel like i have to." I was like "who told you that? why do you feel that?" He said that he didn't know why he felt that, but that he felt he needed to break up. I accepted it, and told him that i would try to respect him in that, and that i felt the right thing for me to do was to wait for him to figure it out. To wait for him. After crying and talking... for an hour, he told me "I DO Love you! I DO. I know i haven't been that great lately, and haven't been fair to you." He also said "i feel like i'm gonna hurt you, and i don't want to." I was confused. He is telling me that he loves me for the first time... while being broken up with??? I mean... that's confusing!! I know him well enough to know he wouldn't say that just to manipulate me, or the situation. He genuinely was in love and loved me. I already knew that though, but hearing him say that then... was very confusing. So i asked him... "what is it that you want?" He then said.. "I don't want to break up! I am sorry! you are soooooo good to me! I don't want to lose you. Please forgive me for having doubts, and etc." I was like... "Man! that's alot of drama... but i love this guy, and want to be with him through this confusion in himself." I knew that it had nothing to do with me, and i think that's why i was so strong in it. I mean... he just would constantly tell me how wonderful i was, and how he couldn't believe we weren't fighting like normal people... and how we were being good to eachother while breaking up. I mean i think it made him love me more, and vice versa. So we were back together, and i had to go home the next day. That day... his mom asked him "do you feel better broken up, or together." he assured her that he knew he just freaked out, and that staying together was definitely the right decision. Two weeks later... he's emailing me (yeah... lame)... saying that breaking up is the right decision. I'm like "What?" again... perplexed. I asked him to have a real convo with me on the phone, and he did the next day. He told me that he loves me, respects me, thinks only good things about me, but he's just not "in love" or "feeling comfortable." I mean... i really don't understand how you're best friends with a guy for 4.5 months sooooooo comfortable, and he's telling his whole world about you... then dating him... and him head over heels in love... then nothing changed... no drama from me... no pressure... just the cool gf. And BAM! he wants to break up? I don't get it. I still don't get it. I really don't get why he told me he loved me for the first time while breaking up the first time, and then practically begging me to take him back. I have heard of guys saying that they love you again... when breaking up to make it easy... but why even bring that factor in at all? I mean i have no doubt he does love me, his actions toward me were nothing but love. I understand he's just not ready for a relationship, cause he's not feeling strong enough emotionally. Or something. But what i don't get... is what am i supposed to do over here? or even think? It's so hard to really know what to do. I mean i'm gonna wait for him, but as far as... should i talk to him, or leave him be? I mean... he's not being honest with himself. He says he doesn't like me, then that he REALLY does. He says he wants to date... then really wants to... then doesn't... then really does want to. (oh i forgot to say that before i went out there again... he made a point to let me know that he wasn't yet in love with me, and felt it was too early to be saying that... which really hurt. I wasn't expecting him to, nor did i say it). So he told me he didn't love me... then he does while breaking up... then he does still while breaking up again?
This is craziness. And sad.
I feel like if he were just a little older, or some time passed a bit more between me and his ex (more than 8 months)... than maybe he would have been a bit more ready for me when i came along.
Now i'm wondering... is he gonna just let me go like that? or come to his senses?
His mom is very confused. She said that he's never been happier than when he's been with me. That she's never seen him so FREE. She said... she didn't even know he wasn't free until she saw him free with me.
It's just strange.
And he wont talk to me right now, and says friends is not possible.
Why NOT?!
What is he so afraid of intimacy? of being in a relationship? You gotta take a chance.
I mean he did... then back.
He told me that he thinks he struggles with depression and bipolar behaviors... and i already know he's got an anxiety issue, and fears trusting a girl with his heart.
I just was so trustworthy, and he knew that... so i'm a bit perplexed.
any advice?
Then the next day, he broke up with me. I was like "What?" I was so confused and in shock, i really didn't know what to think about it. I kindof didn't believe him again. Though he didn't say it when i did, i knew he loved me, cause he treated me like he did. I was like... what is he afraid of?? I was definitely the cool gf who respected, and loved him well, as well as was independent and strong. I always think of his needs, and seek to be understanding. Anyways. So i left him that day for a little while, and went to talk to his mom there about what happened. I told her how i didn't really understand what he was doing or why. When he broke up he said that he didn't really know why he was breaking up, but that he just felt there was something missing in him that he wanted to feel. When i was gone, he texted me and asked me where i went. I told him i was with a friend, and would be home soon. He then called his mom, and was crying to her... not knowing i was there listening. He cried more than i cried. I didn't cry, cause i didn't really believe it. I was still in shock. I cried a little, just not as much... until i got back later. I went back to him, and the first thing he said to me was "i don't want to break up, i just feel like i have to." I was like "who told you that? why do you feel that?" He said that he didn't know why he felt that, but that he felt he needed to break up. I accepted it, and told him that i would try to respect him in that, and that i felt the right thing for me to do was to wait for him to figure it out. To wait for him. After crying and talking... for an hour, he told me "I DO Love you! I DO. I know i haven't been that great lately, and haven't been fair to you." He also said "i feel like i'm gonna hurt you, and i don't want to." I was confused. He is telling me that he loves me for the first time... while being broken up with??? I mean... that's confusing!! I know him well enough to know he wouldn't say that just to manipulate me, or the situation. He genuinely was in love and loved me. I already knew that though, but hearing him say that then... was very confusing. So i asked him... "what is it that you want?" He then said.. "I don't want to break up! I am sorry! you are soooooo good to me! I don't want to lose you. Please forgive me for having doubts, and etc." I was like... "Man! that's alot of drama... but i love this guy, and want to be with him through this confusion in himself." I knew that it had nothing to do with me, and i think that's why i was so strong in it. I mean... he just would constantly tell me how wonderful i was, and how he couldn't believe we weren't fighting like normal people... and how we were being good to eachother while breaking up. I mean i think it made him love me more, and vice versa. So we were back together, and i had to go home the next day. That day... his mom asked him "do you feel better broken up, or together." he assured her that he knew he just freaked out, and that staying together was definitely the right decision. Two weeks later... he's emailing me (yeah... lame)... saying that breaking up is the right decision. I'm like "What?" again... perplexed. I asked him to have a real convo with me on the phone, and he did the next day. He told me that he loves me, respects me, thinks only good things about me, but he's just not "in love" or "feeling comfortable." I mean... i really don't understand how you're best friends with a guy for 4.5 months sooooooo comfortable, and he's telling his whole world about you... then dating him... and him head over heels in love... then nothing changed... no drama from me... no pressure... just the cool gf. And BAM! he wants to break up? I don't get it. I still don't get it. I really don't get why he told me he loved me for the first time while breaking up the first time, and then practically begging me to take him back. I have heard of guys saying that they love you again... when breaking up to make it easy... but why even bring that factor in at all? I mean i have no doubt he does love me, his actions toward me were nothing but love. I understand he's just not ready for a relationship, cause he's not feeling strong enough emotionally. Or something. But what i don't get... is what am i supposed to do over here? or even think? It's so hard to really know what to do. I mean i'm gonna wait for him, but as far as... should i talk to him, or leave him be? I mean... he's not being honest with himself. He says he doesn't like me, then that he REALLY does. He says he wants to date... then really wants to... then doesn't... then really does want to. (oh i forgot to say that before i went out there again... he made a point to let me know that he wasn't yet in love with me, and felt it was too early to be saying that... which really hurt. I wasn't expecting him to, nor did i say it). So he told me he didn't love me... then he does while breaking up... then he does still while breaking up again?
This is craziness. And sad.
I feel like if he were just a little older, or some time passed a bit more between me and his ex (more than 8 months)... than maybe he would have been a bit more ready for me when i came along.
Now i'm wondering... is he gonna just let me go like that? or come to his senses?
His mom is very confused. She said that he's never been happier than when he's been with me. That she's never seen him so FREE. She said... she didn't even know he wasn't free until she saw him free with me.
It's just strange.
And he wont talk to me right now, and says friends is not possible.
Why NOT?!
What is he so afraid of intimacy? of being in a relationship? You gotta take a chance.
I mean he did... then back.
He told me that he thinks he struggles with depression and bipolar behaviors... and i already know he's got an anxiety issue, and fears trusting a girl with his heart.
I just was so trustworthy, and he knew that... so i'm a bit perplexed.
any advice?
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If there is no one else... trust that.
Wait for him.
It's really all you can do.
Maybe send a reminder, and stop by once (just once)... after a few months. To allow him to know he hasn't lost you already... but give him space to figure some stuff out first.
I'm sorry that you are hurting, and sad, and confused.
Some advice... don't try to keep him as your bf. Let him have some space, unless he says he wants to stay together himself. Don't tell a guy he "can't break up" that's a wrong decision. If he's gonna break up, he'll find a way.
All you can do... is stay true to yourself, and your heart.
Somehow... in the right time... things will fall as they should.
Just stay true to yourself. Don't allow yourself to be not valued.
Bipolar or not... you don't need to add your own personal depression along with it!
Best of luck :-)
Wait for him.
It's really all you can do.
Maybe send a reminder, and stop by once (just once)... after a few months. To allow him to know he hasn't lost you already... but give him space to figure some stuff out first.
I'm sorry that you are hurting, and sad, and confused.
Some advice... don't try to keep him as your bf. Let him have some space, unless he says he wants to stay together himself. Don't tell a guy he "can't break up" that's a wrong decision. If he's gonna break up, he'll find a way.
All you can do... is stay true to yourself, and your heart.
Somehow... in the right time... things will fall as they should.
Just stay true to yourself. Don't allow yourself to be not valued.
Bipolar or not... you don't need to add your own personal depression along with it!
Best of luck :-)
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Avoid him and don't bother with the nonsense. The longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it will be to get out. So you really want this erratic relationship for the rest of your life, or do you want to experience real love. I suspect that you have issues with your parents from childhood ad that is why you are drawn back to this behavior. For him to change it would take much talk and medical therapy and there is no guarantee that he will not just up and dump you or have affairs when he is manic. Run and don't look back there are many stable men out there for you to date and falling in love with someone doesn't insure a great marriage. Good luck
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Not sure why people sit around and wait for someone.. just a setup for more heartbreak. If you find another man, then he can come back and fight for you... just make sure that you are looking elsewhere. Girls think its a big deal for a week to pass.. (omg, am I dumped? should I call? should I wait 10 more mintues to call? omg! i have to wait a whole day? where is heeee?) Lots of these guys did nothing wrong to hurt you, you simply latched on and hurt yourself. Just a thought, cause I've done it to myself, and realised how dumb I am. -Ryan
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Run and run fast. I was in a relationship with a bipolar man and they will make your life one long hell. Dont do it for your own sake.
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I understand exactly what your goin through.. I am goin through the same ... it is soo hard to let go of love thats why you gotta hang in there ,,, all of us are askin why is he in love one day and the next day its bye bye ,, I want to be left alone ,, rejection ,, rejection is all we feel ,,, but he must be feelin even worse ,, its a vicious cycle but we love them so we gotta hang in there
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Really, some of these people just don't get it. You don't just run away. The first thing is to get help from a psychiatrist, NOT a psychologist. Psychologists can't give medicine to help. My dad commited suicide when I was just 10... He was bipolar, and he didn't take his medicine. He was the best father EVER when he wasn't loosing control. And my boyfriend also just left, only 3 days ago... I cried my eyes out for the logest time. I've always been there, supported him, loved him, and was never fake. With people with bipolar, you just gotta be YOU. Don't be false, they can pick up on it. You can say anything to them... It's really an amazing thing. I've known my boyfriend since 5th GRADE, and we're the BEST friends ever. But I'm hurt because he's been cold and numb... But he still says he loves me, even after telling me his love was gone now, and he had liked another girl. Then he said he didn't want her, and he wanted to be left alone. He's done this before, but without another girl. I give him a day and next thing you know he's in my arms crying and saying sorry, and I'm "the One" and his "soulmate" and he swears to love me forever. But not this time. But knowing him, it's just his condition, NOT a consious decision. I don't raise my voice with him, because he can't help it. He can't understand what's wrong, and he doesn't know he has a problem. In freshman year of high school he tried to hang himself... that's when everything got crazy. You gotta learn to keep cool and not add any more stress. But he's gotta know you care at the same time. It takes quite a lot of patience, treatment, and really some unconditional love to get through that kind of a relationship. I KNOW. It REALLY hurts with people like that, because you give all you got or it's not enough, but then it's so easy to loose it all. Don't doubt yourself, you're a WONDERFUL person to care so much. It takes a special breed of person to hang on like that. If you really love him, and make SURE that medication is available AND regularly taken, it can be the most amazing thing, but, I'II admit it. You gotta be willing to go through hell and back no matter what. Forgive, love, accept, and be there to help, repeat as needed. Stay strong. You're too good to break, and it might even hurt him to see you low and down. Show what you feel... but you never need to overwhelm him. Sometimes they get crazy paranoias and insane ideas and hold them to be true (example: he called me a wh0re and balled his eyes out because he doesn't want to loose me, though in reality I'm a virgin and he's actually my first boyfriend, and I've always been faitful.) But if he really wants you... He's not going to disapear for good. Above all else, TALK to someone, vent, let it all out, love, be patient, and know it's not his fault, or his choice.
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This was posted in 2010... and I'm facing something extremely similar with MY boyfriend. Any advice would mean a LOT to me, I've been lost...He claims to not want to have a relationship now, he's bipolar 2, and he's not yet on medicine. I love him to DEATH, and he's been so sweet and amazing and sometimes he would even try to protect me when he was "normal" by trying to avoid getting ME sad... but he still would always count heavily on me and he would cry and always want to protect me and keep me safe... but he lately has been cold and not talking to me, even though we decided we're not leaving each other and we'll stay friends, and he even admited to still loving me, but he says he cant do this, though all I've done is help and I have only ONCE, ever yelled at him... He cried so I hugged him and he was okay. He also has issues with paranoia and 1ce in high school attempted suicide for fear that I would hate him, he has low self confidence. ANYONE who's gone through this... I go through hell for that boy and I cry often. BUT, I understand VERY well now about how he acts, and I'm not crying NEARLY as often. (it was an every day thing, now it's just during the times he seems numb and distant, not very often at all.) He is ME in guy form, I can pour my heart out to him and he's so good about it... But sometimes he'll switch to "I hate you" and now even "I'm sorry, but this is the end. I don't know if I can come back to the pain..." And he's also a black belt. He has NEVER physicaly hurt me in ANY way, but ifhis condition gets worse... I have no clue what to expect. I knew him since 5th grade, we go FAR back, we both had our first kiss together, all that happy stuff... But now the bipolar is taking over, and it has been since high school and he began showing obvious signs in 6th grade. I'm worried about him, and I really want to know if I can get him back this time... He's never been so numb and avoided me like this, and I just want my best friend again... like good old times I guess... but I REALLY want the love back, and I'm afraid for him because he won't let himself believe he has a mental problem, he doesn't listen to his psychologist, hates medicine, and he cant go very far without needing more then what your average person is willing to go through for him. For SO long we've shared everything, never lied, (exept he didnt want to tell me he didnt love me at first because it tears his heart apart when I'm not alright) and we've been best friends. I'm trying to show him I'll be okay, and it'll be alright, I'm always there for him, and I love him unconditionaly... But I can't help but burst in tears sometimes and ask for a hug. He's good about it for the most part, but lately he's been cold, distant, and dispite him saying hes okay and not to worry I know something is off with him and he's holding back... Any help would make a huge difference. And, no matter what, I'm staying by him until I die, I don't abandon ANYONE, and I care about him more then I care for anyone. He's really special to me... And I can't replace him. I literaly never had a crush before exept on him, like, some of my friends thought I was a lesbian because I NEVER showed any interest in another guy in my life. I need help... I talked to me friends (who convieniently are in touch with him, as we went to school together and formed a tight group of 4) and they help, but... I'm reaching out now for someone who knows what I'm going through, because I guess I finaly hit my big braking point and I need someone who understands.
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I think I am too in a BP relationship with my boyfriend. I didn't realise it until reading up on it and joining this group. I have been with him for 2 1/2 years on and off. Starting in April 2010, we became very much in love straight away. I had know him for 35 years but we only got together in 2010. By June he went off, exactly the same pattern as you describe. It started mid June, got worse July/August and he was ok again in September. I had no idea hat was going on at all. he has a child that he has not seen since a baby despite years of trying to. His ex made it impossible. because his sons birthday is August I assumed this is what got him down - I know it triggers something. The child is 15 now. Anyway, September through to Feb was fine, not great and he was up and down but it was ok. February 2011 I felt him going off again and at the end of May he left my house saying he would call me the next day. he didnt and I didn't see him again. He left the odd message on Facebook, random messages, like nothing had happened. I never asked or brought his behaviour up. Last August I saw him in in car, he turned back to find me but I had gone. he text me, I replied, we did that for weeks and we finally made a date to meet up October last year. We met, he threw his arms around me and told me "you know I love you don't you" well no I didn't actually, not with his behaviour. I spent the weekend at his place we had a lovely weekend, we talked about our 'relationship' and agreed we should commit to each other. he couldn't explain why he did what he did. he said he just didn't know? So, since last October we have been fine, lots of loving, caring, the odd strange days here and there but he promised me he wasn't going anywhere again. he promised more than once. Mid July I felt him going again, short one word answers on texts, days where he didd't answer his phone. We were going away for a week 3rd August, taking my 2 kids. We went but I knew he wasn't right. When we were on holiday, he told me that he had had a bad week the week before, I told him I knew that because of his lack of contact. By the second day of our holiday he was ready to pack his bag and go home, he was picking on the kids and almost looking for a way out. We never argued at all, we were fine and he was telling me how much he loved me and we were planning future holidays etc. We ended up coming home a day early, he blamed my kids (normal 13 & 15 years olds who is usually very fond of and treats well). when we got home, he picked up his bags, told me he couldn't be in my house with my kids a minute longer. He was really quite rotten to my kids, and they were clearly shocked and quite scared of him. His anger was frightening. I have not heard from him since then. 7 weeks now. He has ignored every call, text, e mail even the front door. I sent him a text to tell him my mum passed away last week, he knew she was very ill and he finally responded telling me how sorry he was etc and that he was 'not in a good place at all right now'. that text could have been written by someone else, it was different, sort of formal? that is the only text I have had in 7 weeks. Last week, I was on Facebook and I put as my status "time for bed" within seconds he sent me a message on there "Likewise, just off myself!" that was it - I just replied "nite xx" that is it???? I was just reading on here where someone said it can be a seasonal thing, I am beginning to think so as this happens mainly during the summer. I really don't know what to do now. I think I will hear from him but I keep thinking is this it now, the end? I really do think he is Bi-polar, even he mentioned it once or twice. Any help, advice or just talk would help me right now, from anyone who is going through this.
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In 2005 i had a bi-polar girlfriend and things started off well but she made a habit of dumping me. I was told by a proffessional person that she will always be like that. When she dumpd me for the second last time it was very out of nowhere. I just couldn't go on sacrificing myself for the person anymore. We finally broke up for the last time not long after that and it hurt a lot to have lost the one who i loved so much.
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I have a boyfriend of two years who has always expressed love, admiration, gentleness and kindness to me. He and I had huge plans to marry and start a family. We had our disagreements and he would chase me and call me three times a day to make up with me if he sensed I was angry, upset.
He moved to a different part of a country, I had plans to find work there and move there with him after we were married.
I flew there to see him. I noticed something in him, he often became anxious quite easily and it raised his blood pressure significantly, giving him bad headaches.
There were periods in which he would smile kindly and hold me and treat me like a queen. Then, there were periods in which he would seem to sit still, stare into space without an expression on his face, and become very cold, refused to tell me if something was bothering him.
The night before I was going to fly home, I called him up, sensing yet another change in him.
I asked him what was wrong, was he hiding something from me?
He said he didn't want to stress me out. He said ' you want to know the truth? WE DON'T CLICK. WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.'That is the truth.'
When he said the words, my chest tightened and I felt like screaming but I could not. I felt my whole world turn upside down.
'What do you mean??' I asked hysterically.'We have known eachother two years, how are we not clicking and incompatible NOW?'
He said, he had been feeling it for a long time but was hiding it and we had 'nothing in common, NOTHING'...he couldn't even talk to me.
At this point, I could not say a word. My mind reeled. He snorted ' you seem surprised. You MUST have noticed it...didn't you??' He said.
I asked him if he wanted to call it quits and make it a clean break. He hesitated. He asked, why did I want to do that?
Then he said fly back home, just relax and we would 'talk' as we are two adults and then we'd 'finalize it all'.
The next few hours, I could not sleep. The next day, I could not bring myself to eat anything all day. My whole body was cramped, I felt nausea.
I flew back home, feeling sick to my stomach, sad, weak, alone and lost.
I called him when I got home. He broke up with me then. I asked him if we can work things out. He said he 'did not believe so, because it would just drag this on and on and on'.
The next morning, he texted me, asking how I am doing. I texted him back that I am doing fine. He texted 'cool'. The same night, he send me an email, outlining reasons why he was leaving me. He said we are two different people from two different worlds and I deserve to be with somebody who will love me unconditionally. He said, he will always remember me and will never regret getting to know me.
The next day, I lost control and almost went crazy. My family was watching me lose it emotionally. I begged them to put an end to my misery. I love this man, and I was losing him, I cannot bear the pain. Just as I was going through this, he texted me again, asking me to 'feel free to call him any time'.
He called me the next day, saying he wanted me to stop thinking of reasons why he broke up with me and it 'just didn't work out'. He said, he could not see a marriage with me working out in the future. We said our goodbyes. Again, he said ' feel free to call me anytime. If you don't want to call then that is your choice'/
Looking back now, I remember his moods would abruptly change from mr. sweet and considerate to irritable, annoyed, critical and cranky. His moods would change every now and then. He often did not remember things he said to me, his memory of events were warped and he got confused when I would point out to him what actually happened because, in his mind, he remembered things differently ( that is, he actually believed events occurred differently in his warped memory. He would believe another person made a specific statement when he, himself, said the sentence to the other person).
He is a very sharp, calculating person. I love him with all my heart and have been going through intense emotional pain since he left me, grief I did not even feel when a parent of mine passed away.
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My boyfriend just did this to me I have seven years we were together he emailed me at 1:45 in the morning saying that he could not trust me and I hurt him to much. But the thing is that I didn't do anything to betray his trust. He told one of our friends that he wanted me to email him and I did and asking why he said that and he has not responded back . He also told one of our friends that he will call me and he has not done that either . He did have some many pounds this month and he does tend to freak out when he has no money so I think this is the reason he is freaking out because he is not on his medicine right now because he has no money to afford it . He tell me that he will come see me at the beginning of the month but I don't know if he will or not because he said in the email that I cannot handle just being friends with him and I can . Awful and said to wait it out and see what happens but I can't wait it out because I'm going to be wasting my time when I could be trying to meet somebody else . But I do still care for the boy and I'm hoping that he will see that I did not do anything wrong . What should I do ?
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