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Oh well, still no BM, in spite of my best efforts. Tried prune juice, more Milk of Magnesia, and what the heck, threw in a stool softener for good measure. Don't particularly feel the need to go, but starting to get concerned that something is growing inside me that will require a bunker buster to remove ;) Never got a call back from the surgeon's office, which is really beginning to irk me to no end. I mean hey, you pay some guy thousands of dollars to butcher your most sensitive area, the least you could get is a phone call for the expense! When I finally come out of my drug induced stupor I might just write up a nice little nasty-gram for his office, but only after I am pretty much healed and ready to get back to business.

Speaking of a drug induced stupor, I can't seem to stay awake for longer than about 15 minutes at a time. Suddenly around 4am I become fully awake and ready to take on strenuous activities, like walking up stairs and taking the heavenly sitz bath! My wife, however, fails to be amused in the least with these sudden onsets of wakefulness. For someone who sits at a computer all day long and types like there is no tomorrow, it has been a bit bizarre to type a few words, doze off, then wake back up and wonder what the heck I was typing. Once I finally get a hold of a medical professional who could care less about a patient, I plan on asking if I can cut my dosages in half, perhaps then I can type an entire paragraph without wandering off into lala land.

My wife caught me stumbling around on the driveway yesterday afternoon, in a green robe, with a loaded shotgun. I saw a car drive up, and where I live, cars simply driving up is a highly suspicious activity. She says the car was silver, I said it was a green Cadillac. Apparently lortab, valium, a berserker dog, and shotguns are not a good mix. Reminder to self, if left alone in the house for even 10 minutes, have someone hide all loaded weapons ;)

Well, going to sign off now. I am going to attempt to attach pictures of what will probably turn out to be my favorite technological advancement of all time - a bidet that attaches to my toilet and a handy dandy little travel bidet they threw in for free. Well worth the investment of $124 ;)

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Finally had enough of this waiting around business and paged my surgeon via the medical exchange. He called back within 5 minutes. Bitched him out a little bit, turned out he was in surgery all day Friday, oh well.

He told me the magnesium citrate probably cleared me out Monday/Tuesday, and that I should start eating "normal" meals, which would probably stock me back up ;-) So I need to eat normal for the next 48 hours and call back if nothing interesting happens. Asked about cutting off the valium, he said the valium is more specifically for spasms immediately after the surgery, or for problems sleeping due to the pain. So it looks like I will be able to cut the valium out completely, yay!
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Living life on the wild side now! Took the surgeon's advice and ate some "normal" food. A couple of sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits. If that doesn't get things moving, nothing will. Took a nice two hour nap in a sitz bath and I am starting to feel a little pressure down there. Hopefully big events are coming!

On a side note, considering the fact that I have nothing else to do other than take baths and surf the internet between passing out periods, I managed to find an iphone app that is suitable for scheduling medication alerts. It is a free app called Chronolite that allows multiple timers to be entered. The app must be left running for the alerts to work, but the iphone can be put the sleep, which is a combination of features no other app had... Here are some screen shots...

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Hi badpenguin,
If I understood correctly you are getting better. I am wondering when did you have your surgery? If you already mentioned it I must of misted it. Sorry. :-)
Have you gone of the Valium? Are you using something else if you experience pain?
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Dark, I had the surgery on Tuesday, November 3rd. He prescribed 20 10 MG doses at every 6 hours "as needed", with no refills. I have no idea if they are actually helping or not. I can only assume they are since the main purpose of them was described to me as a way to prevent rectal spasms, which I am told are incredibly painful. I was also prescribed 40 500 MG loretab, to be taken every 6 hours "as needed" for pain, again with no refills.

I was concerned that the valium prescription would run out over the weekend so I paged my surgeon. He explained to me that the purpose of the prescriptions was to get me over the initial pain from the surgery and that they were not meant to be continued on after they expired.

Although I have felt very little pain or discomfort as long as I am laying down and being still, nothing has seemed to make one iota of a difference when it came to my first BM. Afterward I took 400 MG of ibuprofen and a two hour long sitz bath, which managed to take the sharp edge away from the pain.

As far as the loretab and valium, my main problem has been that I cannot stay conscious while on them. I don't feel "high", I just can't do anything, anything at all. Can't type a sentence without passing out before I can complete it. Can't make it though more than about 10 minutes of a television show. This was a godsend at first, now it has become and extreme annoyance. I do not like the complete loss of my mental state. It is so bad I will start asking my wife a question and will forget what the heck I was asking before completing the thought ;-)

Another thing about the loretab, you can't take more than prescribed because it has acetaminophen (Tylenol). Overdosing on acetaminophen is extremely toxic to the liver and will produce death. So I can't take anything else with any acetaminophen in it.

Currently I am attempting to cut my dosages in half and rely more on ibuprofen, primarily so I can stay awake, and secondarily so I can find out what it is going to be like when I run out of my prescriptions.

The one thing that has pissed me off to no end is that my surgeon would not prescribe me a lidocain cream that can be applied locally before a bowel movement. I have no idea if it would actually work to relieve the incredible pain from a BM or not, but I sure would have like to find out for myself. Of course my request for the lidocaine cream was relayed through his nurse, so I got absolutely no explanation why the lidocaine cream was not prescribed. A word of advice to anyone considering this surgery, make sure your surgeon will personally take the time to answer your questions and explain things. I am paying him, probably 10's of thousands of dollars, the least I can get is a little hand holding.
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