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Hello there,

When i am going ot sleep with my partner she will often put her arm around me, on sides. after a while this starts to feel like a great weight and starts getting painful. i can feel like my muscles are tensing where the arm is placed and eventually i have to move the arm off me. i wouldnt say its pain to be fair but really uncomfortable. its also niot just my sides but my back or stomach. feels to me it may be a mental thing but its really annoying, any one have any ideas? many thanks

H

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As you say, and this doesn't make it wrong, but it may indeed be an attitude thing: I've experienced the same feelings, where I've disconnected from a partner, and feel alienated, and instead of feeling like a loving sense of companionship and warmth, it feels like a presumption, a bear hug.

The real issue is, if you have complete trust and openness with a partner, then you can move an arm and it isn't an issue. I once explained that I loved hugging, and I do, but eventually I need to move apart, because hey, how can you sleep with a beautiful sexy woman right beside you. Moving apart allows my body to cool down, and recentre on me, so I can sleep.

On the other hand, if you can't discuss issues, then everything kind of builds up like a blocked drain, and things that would have been and should have been trivial, are now reminders of everything else that you haven't dealt with.

So, could it be medical? Anything's possible, and my motto: if in doubt, check it out.

But I think you hit the nail on the head: if it occurs to you it's mental, and I can certainly give you the examples above for comparison, you may want to have a bit of a heart to heart with yourself, before you then think about perhaps doing some research in, say, a bookstore, before finally you begin to explore the kind of simple, effective, communication that this might need.

... or you can simply shove her arm off, tell her you need to sleep, and to back off. You wouldn't be the first. Just personally, I'd go with the sensitive first, and figure out how to be polite and compassionate. Women like that.
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