Severe anxiety has taken over my life.

I am in my 40s and experiencing severe anxiety attacks, depression (been diagnosed with major depressive disorder) and post traumatic stress disorder. This past year has been horrible but the past 6 months or so my mental status has been out of control even though im in counseling. someone very close to me has terminal cancer. AFter seeing this person shortly after a major surgery last year, my brain shut down. I was numb but carried on through the summer and into the fall. I started having flashbacks to seeing him in recovery, we were not prepared for the blood and tubes we would see. Well, this started manifesting itself in my period cycles. At the sight of my own blood I have horrid frightening flashbacks to that day seeing him in recovery. I get this every month so much so that I fear having my periods and the anxiety is so bad during that time I wont leave my house or my bed. I dont get dressed I dont eat (so Ive lost alot of weight with this going on every month) Im fearful for some reason that Ill bleed to death even though my flows are normal and not heavy and last for 4 days or so. My cycles are all over the place. Gyn I have managed to be able to see says im under way too much anxiety. I try to work on this in counseling some things have helped others have not. This problem has taken over my entire life. I was on medications but I lost my state aid and cannot afford it on my own. The meds were helping me at least have a life not confined to the house. I have also developed instances where I always think I have cancer. No matter what it is. I spend hours on Google looking up stuff trying to apply it to every pain and ailment I think I have. It has consumed me. I know it isnt good to do that but I cannot stop doing it Im ashamed and very very frightened by all of this. I went to the Dr for myself for routine checkups and I go into such a panic that I start to cry and shake uncontrollaby. This I found out thorugh counselign is because the person with cancer and I have gotten horrible news at the Dr so when I go for myself Im terrified beyond words. Ive lost alot of weight like I said because Im not eating so that in turn makes me fearful I have cancer. I mean, I feel hungry but the intrusive thoughts are so horrible I cannot sit down long enough to eat a meal. I can go all day and eat nothing at all event though my stomach growls and I know I NEED to eat. I just dont. Im suffering in silence. I dont go to church anymore and I gave up a very productive ministry in the community that I very much loved and still have desires to do, but the intrusive thoughts and fear has shut me down. I know this is alot and Im just so ashamed by all this---its not me. Its not who I am. Im debating whether I need hospitalized but with no coverage Im stuck. I can only get to counseling because of a free program in my area. I know this is alot but Im just trying to reach out here and need to know if anyone out there has experienced any of this to such a severe level? I just want to feel happy and normal again.