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Based on the evidence and the word of my mother, there's no mistaking that my father sexually abused me when I was little (around 5). This came to light when I was a teenager and was told about it (and shown evidence when I didn't believe what I was being told).

I'm 32 today and I still don't remember a thing about the abuse or the counselors or therapists or anything from when I was young. It really puts me in an awkward position every time I speak to my father. I don't like him deep down, but I pretend that everything is fine. We only speak every other year or so, but I talk to his kids and wife all the time. SInce I have no memory, to me, it's as though it never happened.

I have been reading a lot of articles about how people get these "repressed memories" that are sometimes seen as being false. But, what happens when it's the other way around? When I have evidence that something has happened but don't remember it? Could this be affecting me subconsciously? Should I just pretend it doesn't exist and go on with my life and awkward relationship with my father? Or is there some type of therapy for discovering the truth?

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Well, I will say that this COULD be affecting you subconsciously and on a cellular level. What I mean by cellular level is, when trauma happens to us, our body has a tendency to remember, even if your conscious mind does not. It can lead to certain symptoms such as depression, paranoia, etc.

I can certainly understand the odd relationship with your father. I would feel extremely awkward in that situation, too. I know this would be weird, too, but have you spoken to your father about this? Tell him how you feel about it. Tell him the evidence you were given and how it makes you feel. Tell him that things are awkward. Just let him know. You can have an open discussion and this may help you heal, help you understand, help things not to be awkward, etc.

If you're going to do this, be sure to inform all those who gave you the evidence first. He may get angry and want to talk to those people, so I'd give them a heads up first. Of course, you can refrain from mentioning any names. Perhaps that would be for the best. Just something to consider.

If you are worried about repressed memories and trauma, I suggest you consider something called "Body Talk." It's a bit in the "voodoo medicine" realm, but I've used it and so have friends I know and each of us have had very positive experiences in healing. I use it currently to help heal my chronic acid reflux and post-traumatic stress disorder. After approximately five visits, I already feel that most of my PTSD is gone. I don't experience the depression and anxiety so much and the memories aren't very traumatic anymore. I also feel it's gradually helping my acid reflux--it's not as severe as time goes on. You can try this to help any trauma that may be there on a cellular level, as I'd mentioned before. Google "Inner Connections" and go to their website. Look up a specialist near you.
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