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when I was around 23 years old my mother died of cancer.she had been a cleaning lady since she was 12.An old man that she worked for left her an old broken down plantaion home out in the woods of georgia.

shortly after that my dad said he would do the laundry.Our washer and dryer were in our big basement.i told him I would do it but see said no.one day he came in my room with the laundry basket and told me to take off my underwear and put them in the basket.later I went down in the basement and saw them laying on top of the basket.he masturbated in them.

looking around I found some really filthy magazines of his.The kind with no words and close ups of penises vagina's and semen.This is the part that makes me feel so guilty.First let me explainI first had sex with my boyfriend at age 15.when I was 20 we moved to the plantation house.I nearest neighbors lived about 7 miles away and town was 22.I had no sex for three years and I was very frustrated.

One day when dadwent to work I was looking through his dirty books and I had the radio on.He work at a rock quarry in town.he would leave at 8 o clock and if he didnt come back by 9:30 for something he forgot,then he would get home until 6 in the eveing.

Well I was looking through his books and there was a certain page that turned me on.I stupidly pulled up my dress and started masturbating.I must have been at it for about 10 minutes then I had a very intense orgasm that caused my whole body to shake.then I heard the basement door close.I almost had a heart attack and I quickly put everything back.when I went up he didnt say anything but he had this smug look.

the next day he told me to do the laundry.when I went down there the the dirty book that I was looking at was opened to the page I had mastubated to and he had puthis semen on it.I screamed.later he tried to have sex with me and i fought him.he chained me to and old tracker out in the woods in the middle of the night so I stop fighting him.

The first 2 or 3 weeks we had sex alot.he took time off work because of"moms death" and really abused me sexually.I think he had sex 7 oor 8 times a day.but i never had an orgasm.I cried every time.with some of the money he got from moms life insurance he got a prostetute and brought her some for to days.he told her i was a friend.the good thing was that he left me alone for 3 days.

Then he was masturbating on the couch he told me to watch.he masturbated then he grab my arm and told me to take off my panties.I screamed and he slapped me so I did what he said.after having so much sex then none I was wet for some weird reason.he put his finger in side of me and when he found I was wet he smiled and told me to get upstairs.

at this point he told me to get on top off him and ride him.I did it half heartedly and he put his hands around my next and started slamming me down on him.He said he would kill me so I did what he said.I was so angry I just wanted to make him finish quickly so I just decided to think of my ex.,But I ended up having a hughe orgasm and I lost my soul with it.I just gave up and started enjoying the sex.I even started innitiating it sometimes.

It got to the point the sight of his penis turned me on.I finally got away from him after 2 years.a few years later I met and married a wonderful,caring, gentle man.He dosnt know about my abuse.My father came to see our son while my husband was at work my dad pulled out his penis and we ended up having sex,and it wasnt rape.I mean he didnt force me.

The question I have is:is this all my fault?Am I a evil women?I want to just die and I feel so guilty.Is this normal?Have you ever heard of anything like this before and how can I stop it.?

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i feel sorry for u
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poor you it must of been hard
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You need to go into therapy immediately. You are a sexual abuse victim and what happened for a good portion of this is rape. It isn't your fault and it is something you can get past.
It isn't uncommon for sexual abuse victims to be weak to their abusers when confronted repeatedly, even after it's over and the victim is an adult.

After you've gone to therapy and with your therapists approval you should bring your husband in and start filling him in on the events of your past.
i'd advise you to honestly file a restraining order against your father if he's going to be coming around and doing these sorts of things again. You are his daughter, not his wife, his girlfriend, or who sex toy. What happened to you is very wrong and you need to get help to emotionally separate your feelings so you can understand how to say no to him in the future.
If he does this to you again go to the police and have a rape test done. At the very least that is your father's DNA and since this is incest he will very likely be convicted and won't be able to do this again.

You need to think about your future and if you want this abuse to continue, what if you have a daughter in the future? He might try to rape her like he did you and turn 2 generations into victims.
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Sweetie your dad sexually abused you to where it messed your mind up on the sex part
You need intense therapy and to talk with your husband about the abuse, You're not evil, just confused.
Also find a good Church and go there okay? Ask God to forgive you and let yourself be free! Remember conviction comes from God but guilt comes from the devil I will be praying for you! God bless! <#
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It's not ur falt

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