I've decided to write this because I don't know what else to do. I'm asking for advice, and also getting my thoughts out that have been kept in too long.
I have a very low sex drive. I'm a 24 year old male in good shape, and consider myself fairly attractive. My problem is that I don't think about sex at all. If I'm lucky I'll have a fantasy once every few months. This is a big problem for me. I want to be sexually active. I feel like a part of myself is trapped and can't get out. I don't feel whole without it.
I know a large part of it stems from an incident that happened when I was young. Maybe 13 or 14. I was living with a cousin who was several years younger than me, and I asked him to help me masturbate one day. I realize now how inappropriate that was, but up until that point my family had never discussed sex or puberty with me. I was going through changes, had urges and I didn't know what to do with them. In my defense I didn't know what I was doing was wrong- Until my cousin told his mother, who called my mother, who made it into a very big deal. I knew from her tone I had done something wrong, so I denied it. After a week she asked me more aggressively. I denied it again. A week after that I came home and a police car was outside the house. I went in and the only person there was an officer. He asked me to come with him to the station so we could talk. I was put in a room with a video camera and microphone and of course I broke down and told them everything that happened. They enrolled me in some sexual education classes, which were the equivilent to sex ed. It told me how things worked and what was appropriate, and what was not.
It was never discussed again by my family. She held it over my head any chance she got though, and treated me very badly for the following years.
That's the only traumatic experience to happen to me, and I think it's a large cause of how I feel now. I have a hard time letting myself become aroused, and my mind wanders so much during any kind of sex. Sometimes I can't even enjoy a blowjob. I rarely find girls attractive (or guys.. I have looked and tried). I don't know what to do aside from go see a professional, but I can't afford that right now. I don't know.
Has anyone had similar experiences that could share some thoughts? I would appreciate it.
I have a very low sex drive. I'm a 24 year old male in good shape, and consider myself fairly attractive. My problem is that I don't think about sex at all. If I'm lucky I'll have a fantasy once every few months. This is a big problem for me. I want to be sexually active. I feel like a part of myself is trapped and can't get out. I don't feel whole without it.
I know a large part of it stems from an incident that happened when I was young. Maybe 13 or 14. I was living with a cousin who was several years younger than me, and I asked him to help me masturbate one day. I realize now how inappropriate that was, but up until that point my family had never discussed sex or puberty with me. I was going through changes, had urges and I didn't know what to do with them. In my defense I didn't know what I was doing was wrong- Until my cousin told his mother, who called my mother, who made it into a very big deal. I knew from her tone I had done something wrong, so I denied it. After a week she asked me more aggressively. I denied it again. A week after that I came home and a police car was outside the house. I went in and the only person there was an officer. He asked me to come with him to the station so we could talk. I was put in a room with a video camera and microphone and of course I broke down and told them everything that happened. They enrolled me in some sexual education classes, which were the equivilent to sex ed. It told me how things worked and what was appropriate, and what was not.
It was never discussed again by my family. She held it over my head any chance she got though, and treated me very badly for the following years.
That's the only traumatic experience to happen to me, and I think it's a large cause of how I feel now. I have a hard time letting myself become aroused, and my mind wanders so much during any kind of sex. Sometimes I can't even enjoy a blowjob. I rarely find girls attractive (or guys.. I have looked and tried). I don't know what to do aside from go see a professional, but I can't afford that right now. I don't know.
Has anyone had similar experiences that could share some thoughts? I would appreciate it.
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i can understand why u feel the way you do.
sex is all in the mind, so maybe it has helped talking about it to us here.
its easy to say , put your past behind you and get on with your life,
but ultimately that is what you will have to do.
sex is all in the mind, so maybe it has helped talking about it to us here.
its easy to say , put your past behind you and get on with your life,
but ultimately that is what you will have to do.
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Hi. I think you need to see a counsellor, they CAN help you. As for the money issue, this will be covered under what ACC call 'a sensitive claims issue" and basically they pay for your counselling. All the best. Hope you're ok.
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