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Hi. I’m 20 and overweight. So far I’ve never had a boyfriend and I don’t think that I soon will. I’ve only been mocked. Why do men not like overweight girls?

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Dear, don’t be so discouraged cause some men do. As for the American men, they usually don’t prefer overweight girls is because of God knows why. I think models and actresses have some influence on man’s opinion. They see all those ladies on TV (and, by the way, they are usually the abnormal ones) and jus expect their girlfriend to be like them. But, in reality, most women are at least a size ten. Your best time is ahead of you so just be happy with you and you'll get a good guy. Take my word for that.
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Hi I can understand where you are coming from "why is weight such an issue?" My response based strictly from your letter is this. How we present our selfs truly reflects on who we are. The fact that you acknowledge that "yes" you are overweight and feel that it is affecting your dating life is a great step and that your making. An action that is producing a reaction. I hope so far that makes sense. And that last statement applies to many diffrent aspects in our lives. There are many conclusions that people can assume when looking at someone who is overweight....the main one is lazyness. People assume based on science....the less physical activety you get the fewer calories you burn which causes weight gain. From a guys persepective if your not making it to the gym going for walks what are you doing all day??? Do you work out watch what you eat??? Probably not if you are overweight!! Besides the obvious health reasons beinging overweight can affect peoples relationships. Lack of motivation, low self esteem, unhealthy diets. Your lifestyle makes who you are. Would you want to date a boyfriend who is physically out of shape by his own fault?? Maybe, but would you benifit from his poor habits?? Definetly not!! Your body is your image and how you view life and what you do with it!! Start waking eating healthier you CAN control your weight issue and stop letting it affect your sex life!! YOu are tooo young to worry about these issues. Deal with them NOW so that your mind can start thinking about other things!! Good luck in your life and hopefully you start making postive changes and write back that you found a great boyfriend!!
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Respect lena, nice post!

;-)

However, for me ladies with too much fat have no chance in comparison to "normal-sized" one! It's no matter where are you from, everywhere are the beauty standards almost the same. Don't look on those girls on celebrity on TV. That's show-biz and they live for this moment, and believe me they prepare for TV interviews 5 days before :-) Herewith I don't want to discourage overweight people, but I must say that they need to think different and choose another way, mostly in burning their calories :-)

Many of my close friends are FAT, but I like them because they're good people, so I'm not one of fat-haters. Yes, you heard well. There are people out there who really hate fat people, and I don't know why???

Anyway, live the life you wanna live and be what you wanna be. If you feel food as fat person, then enjoy your life, when not try to be more active to burn all that calories.
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Ok i just wanted to let you know that there are many men who prefer women with girth! I currently am in Mexico on an island near cancun. Isla Mujeres (the island of women) We get all types of people here ffrom around the globe, they come to vacation some never leave (like me) I love this little island for many reasons but the best reason is that there is not a single one body type that is "sexy"
I am a male photographer, i specialize in bikini photography for mens magazines (NOT porn) I lived in the states for many years and photographed the same blonde fake boob superficial models If the pay was not as good as it is i would have quit many years ago! Too much drama!
Ok to the gist of my point, larger is better down here! The skinny waif model types are simply over looked! Yes the bigger the boobs the better but skinny is not the norm, actually i have found this only with the women.
I am not a skinny guy, i look like a retired football player got a little keg vs a six pack and it seems that the women do not pay me attention down here at all, back in the states I had a date every weekend down here 2 dates in six months! Ok so you ask why i am telling you this its becouse...I had to make a change in my life, do i change mybody to get dates? this seems like BS right? Why should i have to change the way i look to get a date?
Ok to put this ramble into a clear POV:
Guys like girls who will make good moms, do they look like they can have children without complications? Do they look like they can run after a small child? I know that not every guy who dates is looking for his mate BUT its an instinct so the primal man takes over. Only the strong survive.
Guys like women who are in charge, self confidnet, secure most men want a women who is like his mother. (I found this on the island to be true, not one wife on this island is normal to under weight, they are ALL overweight, the island is VERY small so yes i can make an "all" statement.
BUT here is what you have to figure out yourself:
Do you want to change to get a man?
Do you want to feel better about you?
Do you want to change?
Ok so now my rant is done feel free to comment on this.
Kevyn
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Hey, First let's clear up the concept of "overweight"

Personally there's obese, and overweight and I don't use the 2 interchangably.

Overweight is anywhere from 5lbs to 25lbs above your ideal body weight based on height, bone structure, and muscle mass. (Yes ladies I said muscle mass, for it accounts for on average 40% of your body weight. So if you have a very physically demanding job you probably have more muscle than someone who does not.)

Obese is more than 25lbs above your ideal body weight based on the same criteria as listed above.

An overweight woman and an obese woman are not unattractive to men. Now I know that statement will get me lots of furious denials and frustrated "You just don't get it!"

But I do indeed "get it" For I have been at both spectrums of the scale, I am 5ft even, and have been 94lbs with measurements of: 36C 23 37 and been 150lbs with measurements of 38D 33 40.

To be perfectly honest, I have had a great deal more sexual and romantic interest directed my way with the larger measurements than the smaller ones. And yes, most of the men were more attractive (by my standards) with the latter measurements than with the former.

The "secret" to attracting male attention is not magically found in the size of a woman's dress, but in her attitude! NO that's NOT a fool's dream or just something your mother tells you to make you feel better. It's the truth.

See men check out the entire outer package when they first meet you, but it's more than just measurements, it's how you stand, how you hold yourself, how you chat with them, and with other people, how you smile, (if you don't smile alot) if you have an "animated" or "vivacious" personality, and yes that is noticed in the first few seconds. Are you lively and engaging in the conversation? Do you lean into people a slight bit while talking? What do you chat about with them, as well as other people? Are you always griping or b*tching about various things? (That's a HUGE turnoff no matter how amazing you look!) Are you kind in general to people? That kindness shows up in the way you act in so many small ways and it's a huge indicator to men on if your going to be kind to them, NO man wants someone who's rude or heartless. Do you show your wonderful, unique, confidant, witty, sensual personality off to it's fullest? Men would far rather a woman like that, that than a thin, snarky, dumb, b*tch that uses sex as a reward system for IF they feel the man "deserves it"

There is a massive difference between being thin and being Attractive The trick to finding a boyfriend isn't in being thin, it's in being ATTRACTIVE.
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I loved your post it really made me think.. It was amazing. I HOWEVER have a little problem. Some wemon are not afriad they cant get a man becasue there overweight, I dont have that problem at all and I am overweight. Its just some of us want to be rail thin like those models and actresses for the good of ourselves. I look at myself in the mirror everyday and ask myself how on earth a man could ever be attracted to this. I am only 16 years old and yes have alot to learn but my mom is 43 and 5'2 and weighs 111 a perfect weight. her body is amazing and I have not met one person yet who thinks different. I am short. I have what some would call a "spare tire" my stomach is wide but doesnt stick out from the side. yes some people would call me "volumptious" i have a big bust size and thighs and a butt I wont lie. But i honestly would much rather look like a nicole richy type than what i do now. I find peeople who think im cute to be sick in the head, i think im gross. So thats why I want to lose weight. Not for others but for myself.
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It is not that men don't like overweight or obese women. It is the fact that most of the women that are overweight or obese, think negative of themselves. Growing up I was always slim, then when in college, I started gaining weight. At first I thought it was because of changing my lifestyle and eating habits to that of a vegan. So I change back to my old ways. Well, it was not what I was eating entirely. It took 6 years for a doctor to finally tell me that I had PCOS ( polycystic ovarian syndrome), which in some women make you produce insulin more than an average person and you body does not use the insulin as a source of energy. So imagine going from a size 14 to a size 32 in less than 4 years. I still exercised and watch what I ate. I went from 176lbs to 393lbs. Now since 2002, I have lost 110lbs, went froma size 32 to a size 20/22.

But one thing that I have to say. I have never had any problems having a boyfriend. I have had more boyfriends that I can count on my hands. Some were serious relationships as others only lasted a few months. But I can be on the bus, and I will have a guy check me out, then come and sit next to me, to ask me if I want to go for coffee. I guess because I have always thought of myself as being a hot sexy gorgeous women. Even at my heaviest. When I asked a few boyfriends what attracted them to me, I was told that i had a positive posture, that I looked happy with myself. And to be quite honest I have always been happy with myself. Yes, of course there were days where I just wanted it to all go away, but then i look in the mirror and said that with the right research and knowing how my body works I will find the solution.

To all you ladies who want to lose weight, there is no such thing as a DIET!!!! You have to find out how your body works. The best thing I ever did was to have a food diary. Right down how you feel when you eat. right down the time. And most importantly, to boost your metabolism, eat. You need the calories to start. Then once you start losing the weight adjust to your body's need. I snack all day, I eat on average between 1800 - 2200 calories a day. I eat what I want, when I want. I also walk 15 minutes everyday. If you are unhappy, then do the research and you will see results. Don't go on a diet. Remember the first 3 letters in diet is D-I-E.

So remember ladies, good posture, smile, and a positive attitude will get you all the men you want.
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I think that a lot of the attraction is based on evolutionary principles. The idea of survival and successful reproduction are always in a man's subconscious mind. When a man is presented with women who are obese, it implies a decreased physical health, therefore making them less attractive as a mate. Obviously men are rarely consciously thinking of bearing children with a woman when they glance at her in the mall or whatever, but as I said, its subconscious. Ive often used this as an explanation to girls who are baffled why men are so obsessed with breasts. A woman with larger, firmer breasts can have no real physical or mental advantage over a woman with a small chest, but breasts are a sign of fertility to the subconscious and although men dont realize it, they associate them with sexual prowess and the ability to raise strong healthy children. so there is more at work when a man see's an obese woman than simply vanity. and then there are the more apparent reasons... lack of athleticism, stamina, increased body odor, dangers of suffocation, fear of having to be in public with them, awkward sex, rolls, it all is just very unappealing. also, high fat levels imbalance the hormones in a woman's body, increasing estrogen and subsequently testosterone, leading to very unattractive attributes such as increased facial hair. basically all the same reasons that women find fat, hairy, smelly men unattractive.
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Though the psychology of the subconscious mind of a male is as the previous post says, that doesn't make it right in these days of comon sense and reason. Men are more intelligent now and as one i won't let what i am mess with who i am.
To start, I'm a 17 year old male and theres a possibility that my views might differ from the guys most girls are after, seeing as how I'm not a jerk. My view on extra weight is very positive, but I've also been known to fall for girls who have a slim figure as well. What truly counts for guys, is common interests and your personality, as previously mentioned. If i find a girl that i can stand having a conversation with for more than thirty minutes and get though it without wanting to stab myself, i say alls good. Though i can be attracted to almost any body type, overweight girls are usually more attractive than the scarecrows that are usually considered gorgeous. Though i hate hearing girls worry about being big and having a girth in their figure, i love being the one to assure them that they're not unattractive.
Don't get me wrong. I'm saying that the perfect figure isn't the skinniest, but if you're almost as wide as you are tall, i suggest you DO something about it. though it isn't for everybody, and its very risky, My friend had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight. He's very content with himself now, though the whole ordeal was hard on him.
But to explain my earlier statement about my views being different from most guys, i mean most of the guys women go after are all manipulative pretty-boys that think they always deserve better. Also a lot of them don't have interests to relate to. Empty husks that require little to no deep thinking to understand. They're the types that obsess with the "ideal" female body, rather than what is truly beautiful.
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I am 38 yrs old I weight 245lbs I am 5'3". I did way 263lbs, but started takeing phentermine. I just want to change for my health, and my kids. I want my life back, I want to Jog, every day, without fear of hurting my knee, or my breasts killing me. I am trying to loose weight but I get so discouraged, and get in such slumps that I want to die. I feel like I could cry all the time. I look at skinny gals, hate myself even more. I am married to a nice looking man. How I don't know, I think its because he dosen't have anything, Just an x wife and three kids to pay childsupport on for the rest of his life, I can't even let him see me naked. We have been married going on 3 yrs. I am so ashamed. I don't have much money, so its hard to eat good foods, when they all cost so much. With the phentermine, least I don't eat but once or twice, a day and not much then. I try to do these workouts like Turbo Jam, I get frustraited and give up. If it wasn't for haveing to raise my girls, like I set a good example for them anyway. I believe I would just crawl off somewhere and waite to die. I am trying for gastric bypass surgery, because of my health, I had a kidney removed in 95, and uterus, removed 2003, bladder tied up along with cystolcell repair. My left knee, is bad, I dislocated it in grade school, since then dislocated it 13 times, finally had surgery to fix it,in 2000. Doc, says i will need knee replacement if I hurt it again. I ache all the time. Then in november 2006, I woke up with bellspalsey, the right side of my head and face is affected. Its better now but pain and some muscle drawing when I get stressed bothers me. The Insurance company I have will cover this surgery, if I do all the things required of me. I was denied the 1st time, because of needing 3 months supervision under a licensed dietation. This is my last month, I have gotten letters from doctors saying I would be a great candidate for this surgery, If they deni, the 2nd time, What hope do I have left? The phentermine, is just a short time thing with my health, its not helping much now, anyway. I can't afford to pay for it out of poket, even If I could get a loan. I have spent so much $ in the past on diet stuff, and it dosen't work, like 6 week body makeover, well if I, could afford to eat, what he says to, and stick to it It would maybe help me. then the Doc says that is too much protein with one kidney, to eat his plan. I tried medifast, after I purchased the 2 weeks $145.00 worth, on the way home they called and said, I couldn't take this product, after looking into my kidney prob, so I went to my kidney doctor, he said NO!! The medifast was non refundable. I only drink water have for years, but I just get bloated, because I can't urinate, like I should, due to all the surgerys. Is my life worth, the pain and hurt I put myself through? Will I ever be happy? All I want is to just once stand infront of a mirror, and smile, even a partial smile, will make me happy.
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I am married and overweight... and something that I have heard from a lot of men is that if you take good care of yourself, even if you are overweight that is a plus for you, also the mroe self conficdence you have the more interested men will get in you.
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i have to say there is a huge difference between someone who weighs 150 lbs and someone that weighs 280 lbs. Sure if you are 5'3' and weigh 150 lbs you are considered obese. However. if you are 5'3" and weigh 280 lbs, you are morbidly obese. I scoff everytime i see so called plus size models on tv who are size 12. To me size 12 is thin. Up until about 3 years ago I had a great personal outlook.. Guys would come up to me and talk to me and even tell me how great i am.. but no one would ever want to date me. after so many years of that happening, of course i start to feel negative. Im 25 years old.. Ive only had 2 serious boyfriends back in my early 20s and havent been on date in probably 6 or 7 years. when i go out with friends, i smile and act very positively. I make myself look as good as i possibly can. I smile and flirt and often get flirted back with but no one asks for my phone#. I can go out with my thinner friends and they will have 2 or 3 guys calling them a week later. I have never had a guy ask for my number. I dont think its just in your attitude. I am working out 4-5 days a week and trying to lose weight now.

janie
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So I didn't read alll the replies but I read a few and I'm a plus size woman myself. I'm 23, I wear a size 26 and my breast are 46DDD. SO as you can see I'm considered "OBESE", but that hasn't stopped me from getting men and keeping them. I use to think that was when I was in high school, but as I grew older i realized that yes there are some guys who don't like over weight women but the ones that do, don't want one who has low self esteem. They want a woman who loves and respects her self. All I'm trying to tell you sweetie is that its all in the way you carry yourself.

Goodluck!
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i know plenty of people who are fat admirers, but i think this obsession with weight is going too damn far.....



i have dated a overweight girl before, sure i got mocked about it but i did not give a F***.



hell i would even date you if i felt like it.....
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