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You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When... *you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. *You lick your coffee pot clean. *The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake. *You can type 60 words per minute with your feet. *You have to watch videos in fast-forward to prevent boredom. *Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. *You want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can. *You can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer. *Can jump start your car without cables. *You don't need a hammer to pound nails. *You buy sugar by the barrel. *You wear the finish off your coffee table. *You are so wired, you pick up AM radio. *You channel surf faster without a remote. *You are offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. *You short out motion detectors. *The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake. *The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. *Kramer of Seinfeld thinks you need to calm down. *You name your cats Cream & Sugar. *Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. *Your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale. *You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. *You're employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. *You chew on other people's fingernails. *You don't sweat, you percolate. *You walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. *Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. *When someone says how are you? you say "good to the last drop." *You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. *You don't tan, you roast. *You don't get mad, you get steamed. *You think C.P.R. stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." *All of your children are named Joe. *You go to an AA meeting just to get the free coffee. *Your T-shirt says Decaf Rules! *You are able to outlast the energizer bunny. *You get drunk just so you can sober up. *Your survival kit has a pound of coffee & a grinder. *You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. *You sleep with your eyes open. *Your hand is molded to the shape of your coffee mug. *You answer your door before anyone knocks. *You spend every vacation in Kona, Hawaii. *Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia. *You have your blood tested, the results come back in acidity levels. *Juan Valdez sends you a thank you card. *What do you call a cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated! A man walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress "How much is the coffee?" She replied $3.00. "How much is a refill?" the man asked. "Free!" said the waitress. "Then I'll take a refill!!" If your wife makes bad coffee that is grounds for divorce. I'm sure all coffee beans are juvenile. They're always getting grounded. A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," the psychiatrist said, "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"

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OMG.....some of these are soooo true!

Richter scaler here.....
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get drunk just to sober up
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