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My boyfriend rented a porn and when I came home I thought I'd take a look. The video was 1 hr 53 mins in. Does this mean he's masterbating for 2 hrs? Is this normal for men? Also, I like to have sex at least every second day but sometimes he'll still masterbate and then he has to really work up to an erection. Is he not interested in me, selfish or interested in porn more than me?

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As far as I know, men masturbate no matter whether they have girlfriends or not. Sure it bothers us but the sooner you come into terms with this, the better for you and your relationship. They will masturbate anyway.

As my friend once said, it has nothing to do with sex with my girlfriend and our relationship. It's just me and my pleasure.
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I'm coming to terms with the fact that he will no matter what. I try talking to him about my concerns and he gets angry. I understand embarrassment but he's 29 and I'm 27! And the last four times we've gone to bed he hasn't been able to keep a full errection. I wonder is this cause he's masterbating or is it he can't keep it up b/c I keep trying to talk to him about it and he now he no longer finds me attractive. I told him that it was affecting our sex life if he's masterbating to the point where he can't keep it hard like he used to only 2 weeks ago. I feel like such a loser when he can't keep it without obvioulsy trying when we're having sex that I don't enjoy sex. I feel like a failure. I feel unattractive.
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588 posts
I think I understand how you feel. It must be frustrating. Men can be so selfish sometimes (I apologize if I offended any man)....

What I have noticed with my husband is that he seems much more interested (and harder :-)) if there's some kind of visual foreplay before actual sex occurs. For example, if I masturbate in front of him, he gets really interested and keeps him interested the whole way.

Have you tried anything like that?
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Well, you did, and here's why:



Is it more selfish to satisfy your own desire for sex when your partner isn't available--or you just feel like exploring your own sexuality for a change--or to set limits on what another person can do with his or her own body?



To me there's something fundamentally unfair about telling your partner he or she can only have sex if it's with you, and then tell him or her that you "don't feel like it" or you "have a headach" or you're "too tired" or "too busy" or you "just took a shower" or "just made the bed" or... whatever!



What if you had a friend who got insanely jealous whenever you went to the movies without them--or even rented a DVD--but then every time you ask them to go to the movies with you they give you some excuse? Wouldn't you start to wonder if this friendship was worth never seeing another movie again?



I have to be honest, any wife or girlfriend that told me I had to choose between her and a sex life would be an ex in a New York minute! Does that make me selfish? Well, if it's selfish to want a sex life, then, yeah, I guess that makes me selfish. Too bad.
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Are you less attractive now than you were before this whole thing started? Why are you torturing yourself like this? This problem is all inside your heads. It's feeding on your insecurities and driving you both crazy.



There are two sure things that will kill an erection. One is talking--unless you're talking dirty, and acting it out at the same time (give that a try sometime) and the other is obsessing about whether he's getting hard or not. Sex is a mental game. You don't need a hard-on to play it. Just ask any lesbian couple.



Try living in the moment for a change. If he puts his hand on your breast, your mind should be totally on that--responding to his touch. How are you going to respond to his touch when your mind is fixated on the erectile state of his penis? You're focusing on the wrong thing and putting too much pressure on him. Nobody can perform under that kind of scrutiny. (Well, I can, but I don't want to boast. :-)) But when he sees how you're responding to his touch, his caress, his kisses, and he's driving you mad (I'm not saying you should fake it, by the way, just go with it. Get caught up in the passion. Let it fill your senses!), he's going to start doing a little responding of his own. I guarantee it!
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,Well my husband is 44 and im 28 he hasnt been able to keep an erection during sex he has told me that im not attractive anymore and he spent all day 2 full hours masterbaiting to porn lock in side our bedroom and he dont touch me much during sex but i tryed everthing a guy would dream is he mental or something
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