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How Do You Find A Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Partner?

Many queer teens find themselves in the position of wishing they were in a relationship and wondering how they can get there — first off, by finding people they're attracted to who are also attracted to them. While you'll have to decide for yourself what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with, here are some possible steps that may help:

*These tips apply to situations where being openly queer is not a great danger*

  • Have you ever had a crush and wondered if they could be a potential date, but you weren't sure if they were also gay? Well, you're not alone. Someone else might be asking themselves the same question about you. If you're comfortable, come out (if you haven't already). This is going to make finding a date or getting into a relationship an awful lot easier. 
  • Join a group for LGBTQIA+ teens if there's one available. If not, consider starting one or looking for a group online.
  • Online dating is an option, but beware — it's not always fun or safe, something that applies to everyone regardless of sexual orientation. Someone's online persona may not represent who they are in real life. (In fact, that cute teen may be a much older predator.)
It's gonna take some practice, but in the end, you'll get a better feel for who might like you back. Don't be too worried if you end up in some awkward situations, because that happens to everyone. 

The First Time: Sexual Exploration For Gay Teens

When it comes to sex, there are two ground rules:

  • Keep it safe
  • Keep it fun for everyone involved

"Keeping it safe" primarily means preventing sexually transmitted diseases (though it can also mean not using sharp veggies as sex toys). Remember that any genital-on-genital contact can cause the spread of sexually transmitted diseases like genital warts and chlamydia, and that oral sex can facilitate the spread of STDs as well. 

You might want to:

  • Use condoms where appropriate, including on certain sex toys if you're going to be sharing them. 
  • Use barriers such as cut-open condoms for vulva-on-vulva sex. 
  • Use dental dams for oral sex. 

Keeping it fun means two things — making sure you're both cool and consenting by talking about the sex you're having, and making sure you're both enjoying the sex, again by talking about it. 

Generally speaking, teens exploring sex for the first time, or anyone in a new relationship or having sex with a new partner for the first time, will want to start with kissing, cuddling and exploring each other's bodies, and move onto oral, digital and genital sex later down the line. 

You may enjoy penetrative sex (with a penis or a toy, depending on who you are), you may enjoy giving and receiving oral sex, you may enjoy anal play, you may enjoy digital stimulation, you may enjoy mutual masturbation... and it's up to you and your partner to find out what you both enjoy, at the pace you both enjoy it at. 

That might sound a bit clinical, but don't worry — a lot of that will just come naturally, with a few (or more) awkward moments thrown in. Sex, like most things, gets better with time and experience. There's still something special about the first few times though, and hopefully you'll be able to enjoy them without stress (or worrying whether you'll fart, whether your body looks good, and so on). 

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