Im a 20 years old and i really dint like myself. i really hate to complain and talk about my problems cuz i believe the more a person speak or think of their problems, the more they continue to persist. But it has gotten to the point where im can't hold it in anymore and im highly confused as to what to do.

The problem is that when you really think about it, i have no problems but the ones i create for myself, which is why i hate myself for creating problems that aren't there in the first place. okay, soo... when dealing with people.. i tend to be soo flippin emotional, i take things too personal, get angry often, compare myself to everyone (which is the one i hate the most)..i even compare myself to my younger bro.i began to wish why aren't i well emotinally balanced like him, why dont i believe in myself and my intuitons like him, why arent i normal like him. and then i get all depressed becoming envious of their personality, things, and girls they have. what has been bothering lately is that i start to look into my future and become afraid of loneliness. The fact is right now i have a girl who technically is my girlfriend, but i do not acknowledge that because i feel like i want more and a better looking one, even tho she's quite good looking. I have about 5 good close friends who loves me dearly but i feel as is i dont have any friends or i dont have enough. I am very good at playing the drums (according to people) but i feel as if i'm a talented worthless piece of sh*t, i am good looking (even get complimetns saying you're cute or handsome or good looking, i dont like compiments like that cuz i feel like i dont know to handle them, i noticed i get cocky, i dont know how to control it so i started to not even accept the compliments so i wont feel cocky) but yet i walk around as if im the ugliest person on the planet, i think eveyone is better or higher than me in some way, i apear and seem like a cool guy and lots of people come to talk to me but them i push them away because i give this awkward aura.

i tend to care too much of how i'm percieved by other people, i used to be very sociable and easy going but now its like i believe im weird, i now find it hard to make real connections with people cuz i come off as trying too hard, i also instanly think a person or everyone dont like me so i start to look at people with the "f*ck you, i dont give a f*ck look/attitude". i was suprised the other day when a soon to be boyfriend of a very close friend of mines told my "girlfriend".. "i like that joseph dude (me), we're boys now so you better know im watching you cuz anything u do im telling him".(he said jokinly)..i thought to myself wow here i thought no one likes me. I also feel like i'm lacking in my social life, i mean i hang out with my friends now and then and a few good people in my college but i feel as if i need to go out more like a regular college kid. i always get invited my a few of them to come out and do things with them and their friends but i start to fear being the 3rd will and the odd guy and that i might have nothing to say.so i never show up .

So my question is how do i go about this issue, and what is the issue i have, and why do i keep self depracting myself to the extreme ??  im confused as to what to do. i just want to be free (from myself/the damn self destucting voice in my head that puts all these ideas in there) like everyone else and be able to go out, live life and have fun without thinking about all these damn issues.i"ve started to read alot of self help and personal development books, and started to learn NLP, and also listen to guys like Neville Goddard, Dr. Wayne dyer, Anthony Robbins, Rhonda Byrne, and Robert Greene.. hopefully what i learn from them works.also i have jonied our local toast masters club..