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I was raped when i was little
the first time i was 7 and that was by the neighbor, the second time I was 10 and that was by my cousin. Now im 16 and I still cant stop being paranoid when im near a guy. I cant hang out with my friend that are guys without my chick friends being near me. I freaked out when My best friend Kris snuck up behind me. I cant have friends touch my back and then I still wake up scared at night. I have a bf and Im probably weirding him out too because I cant help but push him away. It makes me hate myself because when i thnk about it I feel like trash. I started cutting myself but now Im finally stopping, its hard not to hate myself.

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I am glad that you came to this website. It is normal for you to be paranoia after you have had such horrific experience. I would suggest that you enroll in a martial arts class and learn some self defence. This will give you the confidence you need to face the world. I don't know what the statute of limitation is for rape, but I think you should report the 2 incidences to the police. This is the best way for you to deal with it psychologically. Whether or not the perpetrators will be prosecuted is secondary. I think you should also talk to a rape counselor. Get your best friend to go with you.
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First and foremost, I want to say how sorry I am for what happened to you, but know that it is not your fault and there's nothing you could have done differently. Second, I would say it's a good idea for you to talk to a psychologist or a therapist about this because they can help you understand your fear. Is that something you'd be able to do?
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I told my mom about both instances and the cops intervened. I could talk to a therapist but it hurts talking to someoneface to face about it. I told my mom about having a hard time cutting and she got me an appointment with a therapist. I feel like i should have seen it coming though. I had been scared by our neighbor but i still wasnt as scared of guys. I should have seen what was happening with my cousin.
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Don't blame yourself for what happened in the past. It's not helpful and you couldn't have done things any differently, okay? I know that talking to a therapist is hard--trust me, I had to tell my therapist some very painful things. But you know, therapy helps. A lot, like more than I ever thought possible. And if you want to get better, there's nothing else more effective. I hope that you'll consider it. Do you think you'd ever go?
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I want to be better. I want to be able to live like everyone else and I dont want to always be afraid. I will go in a few days actually for my appointment. Im tired of feeling alone, and Im tired of feeling like everyone will leave me. I always feel insecure and I know it drives people away. I dont want to be alone just because of fear.
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I totally understand. As someone who as actually gone through something similar, I want to share some insight with you. Unfortunately, you don't have control over your feelings. If you don't work on this through therapy, you will always feel afraid. You will always feel like everyone's going to leave you. And you will always feel alone. You have to work hard on it. You don't control your emotions, but you do control how you react to it. You won't be alone because of fear if you realize that you're afraid and then you work with that emotion. Does that make sense?
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I understand. I will do my best then. I want to get better so I will work with the therapist. I wish I could control my emotions sometimes it would make everything easier. thank you for your help.
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Believe me, I feel the same way. And you know, it's like a muscle. A year ago, I had virtually no control over my emotions. And now, this year, things have gotten a LOT better for me. The more work you do with the therapist and the harder you work on yourself, the quicker you will get to reap the benefits. Let me know how it goes for you okay? I really know that you can do this, and please, feel free to ask me if you ever have any questions or concerns!!
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Why do they expect you to talk about the things you would rather forget? I dont like remembering what happened but the person I'm seeing is always asking about it. I dont see how talking about something that makes you hurt like every bone in your body is being crushed is helping. I cant stand it, I dont think the dude even gets it.
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I don't think everyone does. Frankly, I get that it's a traumatic event and I wouldn't bring it up unless someone asked me. I think perhaps this person you're seeing is a bit slow...and you might want to consider either telling him off for asking or dumping him. What do you think?
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I would be happy to dump him
I would need to find another therapist
I have another question, this has been bothering me and I dont know what to do.
My dad isnt around and now I look at everyone else and in the school i go to most people have both parents
It never bothered me before, but why is it bothering me now?
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I think you might be hitting that point in your life where you start to question everything that's ever happened. It happened to me when I was in college too. It sucks, but just be aware that it's sort of a phase you go through. THis is a good time to be seeing a therapist and talking it through with him or her. My dad isn't around either--but it didn't bother me until I was in college. I felt sad and cheated and robbed...but then I realized that that was just one way of looking at the situation. ANother was to think how lucky I was that I had such a great mom...You see what I mean?
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Yeah I can see what you mean.
I hated his guts before anyway though
So its confusing to want him around now.
He always promised to come see us but there was always something more important
It wasnt great when he did pick us up either, he would drop us off with his friends or just leave us out in general if we came along.
I dont like the thoughts that go through my head, it would be easier if everything would just stop.
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I totally understand that. But you know, after awhile, it's less productive to hate someone...and at that point, you're doing worse than they're doing after having done whatever they did to you. You have to learn to forgive so YOU can move on. Have you seen a therapist about this?
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