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 I'm now in my third year of college but every year has been a struggle. During my last year of school i found out my mom had cancer before she'd even decided to tell me. I kept it to myself for months and pretended it wasn't true, spending most of my time trying to study for my finals. I had always been a very social person, and was surrounded by lots of close friends. Nonetheless at the time all i really wanted was a fresh start, i wanted to move country, and forget about everything. Going into first year of college i felt very lonely but at the same time had no motivation to see anyone. i spent many days in bed, or would go into colg for an hour and walk home again. there were a few things that kept me sane, i gradually started seeing a girl that im now still going out with and i did try to socialise the odd time, often on weekends when i could hide the fact i was only just barely attending college. most of this socialising centered around drink tho. somewhere along the way i feel like i lost the ability to talk to my friends and feel comfterable around them, i stopped finding much of anything funny; conversations became forced. When people would tell jokes id find myself waiting to laugh when others were. In a sense i know whats wrong but i feel like there's nothing i can do about it. I have always had a terrible relationship with my mom, but as a single mother shes all i have and im all she has. most of my worst times were after fights with her, where i'd forget about all the things id love and feel like life wasn't worth the struggle of living... i do really feel damaged by her, but this could also just be the fact ive been depressed. it's almost 3 years since this started and though i feel certain parts of my life are more balanced there are still frequent times i dont feel much better. i'm starting to wonder whether i'll ever be back to myself without the help of medication; a route i dont overtly want to go down. in many social situations i feel like my mind is stifled, and i have nothing to say...and thats with my once CLOSE FRIENDS...sometimes its worse with them because i used to be so social and easy to get on with, relaxed, and even funny...(sorry it really sounds like im blowing my own trumpet)..i often become self conscious of silences when im around people; thinking that they think i'm awkward...and this annoyingly makes me awkward...sometimes,very rarely though, i feel like i briefly recapture my old self with people..and sometimes when im drunk this happens a lil more ofen bcuz i feel less nervous...im not expecting some miracle solution but i...i dont know what im expecting to be honest...i just want to be better.

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I think your depression is bad enough that you should seek professional help.

If you don't want to take medication, I suggest two methods.  First, see someone who's into alternative medicine.  They may suggest hormones, flower remedies, and other supplements to help fix your body chemistry and uplift your mood.  Second, I suggest hypnotherapy.  This is a lot like therapy, but is a great natural method of analyzing phobias and depressive moods to eliminate them.

I also suggest you get into exercise.  Get a beginner's yoga video and do that often, if not every day.  When I was suffering from depressionyoga helped immensely.  It got me exercising and it was also extremely relaxing.
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thanks for taking the time to reply, i'm very grateful.do you think it's possible one day it might just fade away, does that ever happen?
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I don't know.  I don't think anyone can say if it will go away without seeing you and I'm not qualified for that.  That's why I suggest you see one of the professionals I suggested.
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darklight wrote:

 I'm now in my third year of college but every year has been a struggle. During my last year of school i found out my mom had cancer before she'd even decided to tell me. I kept it to myself for months and pretended it wasn't true, spending most of my time trying to study for my finals. I had always been a very social person, and was surrounded by lots of close friends. Nonetheless at the time all i really wanted was a fresh start, i wanted to move country, and forget about everything. Going into first year of college i felt very lonely but at the same time had no motivation to see anyone. i spent many days in bed, or would go into colg for an hour and walk home again. there were a few things that kept me sane, i gradually started seeing a girl that im now still going out with and i did try to socialise the odd time, often on weekends when i could hide the fact i was only just barely attending college. most of this socialising centered around drink tho. somewhere along the way i feel like i lost the ability to talk to my friends and feel comfterable around them, i stopped finding much of anything funny; conversations became forced. When people would tell jokes id find myself waiting to laugh when others were. In a sense i know whats wrong but i feel like there's nothing i can do about it. I have always had a terrible relationship with my mom, but as a single mother shes all i have and im all she has. most of my worst times were after fights with her, where i'd forget about all the things id love and feel like life wasn't worth the struggle of living... i do really feel damaged by her, but this could also just be the fact ive been depressed. it's almost 3 years since this started and though i feel certain parts of my life are more balanced there are still frequent times i dont feel much better. i'm starting to wonder whether i'll ever be back to myself without the help of medication; a route i dont overtly want to go down. in many social situations i feel like my mind is stifled, and i have nothing to say...and thats with my once CLOSE FRIENDS...sometimes its worse with them because i used to be so social and easy to get on with, relaxed, and even funny...(sorry it really sounds like im blowing my own trumpet)..i often become self conscious of silences when im around people; thinking that they think i'm awkward...and this annoyingly makes me awkward...sometimes,very rarely though, i feel like i briefly recapture my old self with people..and sometimes when im drunk this happens a lil more ofen bcuz i feel less nervous...im not expecting some miracle solution but i...i dont know what im expecting to be honest...i just want to be better.


Hello:

Strange feelings come over us when we are in a state of depression.
For many years, I had panic disorder, and depression.
I found out that I was deficient on vitamin D3.
After treating this deficiency for just a few weeks, all my mental problems vanished.
Have the blood test done for vitamin D3.

Best wishes,
Ali
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