I started smoking bud on and off last autumn, and up until recently I've always seen myself as someone that's just neutral to it who just does it as something enjoyable to do with mates. Thing is, I went on holiday a few months ago with some friends and had a full-blown burnout - "destruction in its purest form" - and since then I've been doing it regularly. Over the last month I've been doing it about 3, once 4 times a week, and its only over this phase that I've started to encounter side-effects: insomnia and inexplicable paranoia and fear during the night, being a retarded hypochondriac, alienation from people I usually get along with, reputation as a stoner, which is actually quite funny but irritating in the long run.. questioning myself, others and people as a whole on levels that are too deep to be healthy, general depersonalisation, difficulty concentrating and some weird visual stuff like thinking normal places are too bright/dark/sharp etc. These symptoms have pretty much appeared and become stronger over the last few weeks, and to start off with I didn't know what was causing them so I thought I was losing it.

I want to know myself without the constant need to alter/play with reality through weed and drinking, reality's too cold to deal with 7 days a week but being dependent on anything is weakness.

Thanks for reading + letting me vent :)