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Me and my friend, Kimmy, were best friends for two years even though we were a lot different. I soon found out how different when someone told me about how many guys she had slept with. Me, being a virgin, didn't want a bad reputation for just hanging out with her but I wasn't going to stop being her friend just because of what someone said. Once we went on vacation together, she told me how many and I was shocked...we still hung out after but not as much. She put that off as we soon both got jobs and became too busy to do our usual sleepovers and such. Then one day I heard she overdosed on NyQuil. i traveled to see her in the hospital twice before I heard the news that she died from brain damage. the optopsy determined that she probably didnt know she was taking too much so it was ruled an accident. For two months now I've been suffering depression and have up days and down days. Last night I dreamt that I had wrote a letter about how i wasn't her friend anymore and she did it because of me. How am I supposed to cope so that I'm able to move on and get over depression without seeking professional help

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It's nearly impossible without professional help. I thought I could beat all my disorders without professional help but it only made everything worse. Please seek outside help, it's the only way.

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Hey SaraJeanA,

 

Even though this sounds horrible- what you're going through is actually normal. A really, horrible part of normaility that we have to deal with, but normal anyhow. You are grieving and with grief comes a lot of emotions that we don't neccesarily understand. As dreams are our brains way of organising emotions and events from our day, it makes sense that your dreams would be a vivid interpretation of what's going on in the recesses of your mind.

 

I don't think you need professional help- you need time. BUT if you are feeling suicidal and your depression goes on for more than six months, it would be the best to seek help. Or I would suggest you contact a grief counselling service.

There are 'stages of grief'- 1; Shock & Denial, 2: Pain & Guilt, 3; Anger & Bargaining, 4; Depresion, reflection & loneliness, 5; The upward turn, 6; Reconstruction and working through, 7; Acceptance and Hope. How each person goes through each stage and how long it lasts depends on the person and their relationship with the deceased. 

Just know that what you are going through is a part of the process and won't last forever.

 

In the meantime, when a guilt thought occurs- notice it and try your hardest to replace it with a good memory. You have nothing to feel guilty about- your friend's death wasn't in your control and there's nothing you could have done about it. You have to try and remember that. Hard, I know.

I lost a childhood friend earlier this year and went through a similar thing to yourself. I felt guilty for not being around in the few years leading up to her death and had unrealistic thoughts that if I'd stuck around, she wouldn't have died. Those thoughts were in no way true- she was a heroin addict that had been using all kinds of drugs since the age of 11. If I had stuck around, I could have been the one dead at 36. She'd led a very tragic life and had lost her daughter to cystic fibrosis exactly one year and 15 days before she died. We had been childhood friends- I'd known her since we were two years old- but at 16, our lives went in different directions. We still kept in contact and stayed friends until in to our 30's. But a few years ago, I stopped to say Hello to her in town and she was drunk (it was about 11am). She tried to humiliate me in public and then called me 'stuck up' (because I didn't have track marks, I suppose!). After that, I went out of my way to avoid her- if I saw her out & about, I ducked in to a shop. I stopped visiting every so often and completely avoided her family members too. Seeing her there that day, in that state, scared me. She wasn't the person I knew from our childhood.

 

When she died, I went through a few months of bad dreams, feelings of guilt, etc, but a chat with another old friend of ours helped me put a lot in to perspective. Now, I just want to remember the good times. Perhaps chatting to a mutual friend?

 

Whatever you choose to do, good luck & give yourself time. These feelings will end.

 

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baby know it was not your fault
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Violet_Ivy is right, what you are going through is normal. They're all part of the grieving process and everyone goes through it, depression can last up to 2 years, but in some cases it may turn into an abnormal depression called dysfunctional grief, with symptoms such as extreme sadness, insomnia, anorexia, and weight loss. If these symptoms are worst after 2 months the best thing would be that if you start to seek prefessional help.
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Hi,SaraJean  nothing to be upset here. I have a proper consultation for your situation. First of all start thinking from now  that all that happend was in it's natuarual way there's no fault of yours. And try to get close with other friends whose company will help you much to get rid from it. Thanks

Stay Happy

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