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I lost my sister to suicide on October 7th 2012. I watched her jump in front of that train and I will never get that image out of my head. I feel so guilty because I was running after her for so long to try to stop her but I just wasn't fast enough. I don't know what to do or feel anymore. She was only 17 :( Help.

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Allyson, my heart goes out to you. First thing, please don't blame yourself. She knew you were running after her, but it was what she wanted to do and that is why she didn't stop for you. Stop blaming yourself, I'm sure your sister would not want you to live with that and that is not what she intended to do By killing herself - leave you blaming yourself. Please go on with your life and pray to your GOD. Pray for peace in your heart and the courage to be able to live guilt free. Cherish the memories you have and shared with your sister. You can't blame yourself.  

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Hi Allysan, I am so sorry that you lost your sister. I can not imagine what was going on before and after she died with in yourself and family. I feel that right NOW you need professional help. It will take outside help to help you. I sincerely don't know if you will ever forget but I know for SURE that it was not your fault. Your sister, no matter how fast you ran and even if you caught her was going to do what she did. You can't do or feel anything, you are in shock. Please Allysan save yourself and get help. What you went through is just to much for you to handle on your own. You are both in my prayers. Save Allysan, your sister is fine now, but what she left behind is not fine.
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So tragic I'm sorry to hear this happen to your family. If this is really hurting you maybe you should talk to a professional. Don't let this tear you up inside. Why did she do this ? God bless you and your family

dejolane
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THANK YOU to all that have replied. I'm slowly getting used to her not being here no more but it's hard every time I see her face in pictures or on the news or on her facebook profile which is still up but not active. I just haven't had the heart to delete it yet (she wrote me email & password hours before).  I'm just so lost without her. I'm just thankful my other lil sister is there for me as I am there for her. They were never close, more like strangers really, but I was close with all my siblings. It's so hard.

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PS. It posted before I was done writing -_-

I've not been seeing any professional yet because I never was a real believer that they could actually help but, after receiving so many messages on facebook and here I think I will. I think so far I've done pretty well in coming to terms with her being gone but now that christmas is almost here I know I will break down. Christmas was always awful thanks to our parents but she will still be missing. And my sister killed herself because she was sick of our parents mistreating her badly. Our father was a cruel, evil horrible man who did the most horrible things to her. I wish it would've been me instead of her. But now as of January he will be stuck behind bars for 9 years for the things he did to her. And our mother will be joining him in February for 2 years.
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Wow you have been through alot. I just hate people who hurt their kids.They have no right to live in this world. I hope you get through the next few years without be so fraglie. Good luck. If you want to talk I'm on Facebook add me. ( Debra Lane) When my dad died 1995 it broke me down so bad I needed help.

dejolane
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Thanks so much. It's hard for me to find people so if I can message you my link (perhaps we're already friends?) then you can inbox me? I'm sorry for your loss too.
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