Okay, let me just assure you that not all hope is lost.
The one thing you never do in life is give up hope....and i feel like that's what you are trying to say, love.
Pills can help you to feel better temporarally, but the emotional pain you are feeling now, lasts forever.
Forever, for this type of pain, can be limited though...if you work with me here. Depression is a deep feeling of hopelessness and inadequacy, and let me tell ya...depression has taking it's toll on everyone now-a-days. It's easier to, not deal with, but, eliminate depression from your life if you found what the source of this deep emotionally pain is.
Personally, the depression that i use to have, started in my younger childhood(like 5/6 years old) with all of the things that happend in my life...that's why at times i feel depressed. But depression does come from many different type of things, issues, problems, and tramas
I'm not sure where you depression is coming from, as i do not know you, but I'm sure if you find what hurts about your life the most right now...then you can work on ways to deal with you depression to where it's not as deep and overwhelming feeling as it is now.
I believe you can get through this, I believe you are more than what you think, and I believe you are very strong...now if only you'll believe the same:)
Life is a hard obstacle everyone is dealing with and facing right now at this moment, positivity helps so so so so much, believe me. Try looking at things in every aspect, try being positive even when things are so negative. But don't get me wrong, everyone feels depressed sometimes, but if you know how to get through it...then depression will just be another obstacle you'll have to face in life. And you never have to face them alone...theres always help. And i make sure I'm avaliable as support and as a friend if anyone needs me.
Now no pill can teach you that, eh? lol!
Goodluck and Godbless<3
It certainly sounds as if you might be depressed. Feeling hopeless, despondent, angry & aggressive are all characteristics of depression. I'm assuming you were prescribed the trazadone by your doctor/GP? Did they diagnose you with clinical depression?
Go back to your doctor. The trazadone are not doing the job they were prescribed for, so you need to either have a different dose or a different kind of anti-depressant. There are different types of anti-depressants; SSRI's, SARI's & Tricyalics are amount a few that work on receptors in the brain concerned with serotonin (a neurotransmitter that is related to depression). Yours is a SARI (a serotonin antogonist and reuptake inhibitor), so it may be that the kind of anti-depressant you are on isn't the right one.
Mental health issues are not easy to treat. It's not always as simple as taking a pill, even though the pills can help for a while. And it's not always easy to get the right medication. Everyone who suffers with depression wishes there was a pill to make them feel 'normal', but that's not realistic. There has to be a combination of medication & mental strategies to manage/beat mental illness.
First off- remember- you are NOT hopeless. You have reached out & you are ready to start fighting back & regaining your life. If you weren't ready- you wouldn't have written your post.
Secondly- Get back to your doctor & tell him/her that you are having side-effects from this medication. How long have you been on them? Do you take them with other medication or drink with them? Most anti-depressants don't work when taken with certain other medications or when drinking alcohol regularly. If you don't drink with them & you are not on other medication, suggest to your doctor that he/she prescribe you something else.
There's an approx. period of time when one anti-depressant is coming out of your system & the other is taking effect. It can be around 2-4 weeks. Expect slight withdrawal symptoms- people differ on how they experience this period of time. My own experiences were varied- but then I did try quite a few types of anti-depressants in my years of 'trials'!
The next presciption may also be a dud. It can take quite tries to get the right kind of medication. What other ones have you been on?
I never really did find it & instead, turned to cognitive-behavioural therapy, which I found worked extremely well. I'm more in favour of the 'Therapies' for depression, bi-polar & personality disorders. Although the psychotic disorders don't neccessarily respond well to the therapies, so medication is more often not a 'Need' rather than a 'Choice'.
The biggest characteristic you mentioned was the hopelessness- this is one of the most relevant factors in depression. Hopelessness is lack of control- lack of control enhances lack of motivation & a bigger lack of control. You've lost your confidence & you don't feel as if you make an impact on the world around you- you don't feel as if you matter. You feel insignificant & excluded. Yet you also feel that you can't do a damn thing about it!
BUT you CAN.
When you get angry- you are trying to grasp back at some control. Anger is latent & mis-directed energy, that occurs because of own thought-schemas. Do you notice how some people can never get angry? I have a friend who is literally scared of anger & instead of bursting in to flames when something pee's her off- she gets away from it. It doesn't bubble & spew like mine.
She's not completely mentally healthy- she suffers from social anxiety- but she's quite a mentally balanced person, so I try & take inspiration from her. Her little secret is meditation. Every morning, she focuses on the bigger picture- the grand scheme of Life. She sees anger as something that can be 'absorbed' and thrown out, so every morning- she meditates on protecting herself from those types of 'vibes'. When she sees it coming or feels it being directed to her- she gets out, breathes & takes a moment to reflect on her meditation.
It's all quite Hippy-trippy & while I aspire to it- I don't do it. My 'bigger picture' is my garden, with my camping chair, morning coffee & fag (cigarette)- and if raining, my garden parasol. I sit for the time it takes to have the fag & look up to the sky- the birds chirping, the cats climbing the fences, the sun shing/rain pouring- and I realise that no matter what happens in my day; it doesn't get much bigger & better than that moment.
I have that moment. People can piddle me off, I can feel out of control- but that's Life & I do feel lucky to be a part of it. I find my solace in Astronomy & astro-physics, and I've found this to be my 'mental meditation'.
Beating or living with (as it is for some people) depression means a lot of hard work. If you choose to see a therapist (or can afford to see one), CBT (cognitive-behavioural therapy) has got a very good success rate for alieviating depression, but only if the client is active in their role to learn how to beat it. CBT looks at why you think certain things; how these thoughts impact on your behaviour & encourages you in ways to change how you think- thus impacting on how you act. It teaches you how to take control over certain situations in your life & encourages empowerment & self-learning.
There is usually 'homework' involved from sessions of therapy. For example, if your session is on how negative thoughts impact on how you plan certain situations in your life (feelings of hopelessness=not planning for dates with your girlfriend); you may make an agreement with your therapist to make a 'life plan' and goals that you have always wanted to achieve (eg;good relationships/ buy a house/travel to India, etc). In the next session, you would go through steps as to how you would achieve your goals. You would discuss steps & then go on to smaller goals, etc.
When you start to feel relevant in your life, your personality & demonour will change. Confidence & being content in ones life attracts positive energy & thus, enhances that feeling of 'happiness'. This is what your girlfriend means when she's says you need to have a positive outlook on life.This has only been a realisation that has been with me for a short time. I have been where you are- for many years.
And it was hell. I don't wish it on my worst enemy.
However, it can change. I still have my days & moments, but they don't stay for long. I can finally reason with the negative thought-schemas & turn them in to something productive. I have found that what I eat & drink has an impact on the way I think. I can only a few coffee's early in the morning or else I get frustrated & angry at little things. Getting angry gets me no-where (does it anyone?), so I know it's not neccessary- no matter the situation.
The hopelessness is the same. The cr-ppy sensation & heavy head- so desperately wanting some escape from the voices telling me that everything is going nipples up. It can be overwhelming & depilitate me for a while, but I'm learning to let it go. I now know I control most aspects of my life; I have a mind, I have skills & I if I can't go through an obstacle- I can find away to go around it.
Life is full of obstacles & that's pretty much what it is. We are no more than asteroids in very busy universe. There is no ultimate happiness & perfection- there is no mental peace- so I don't strive for it anymore. What I do actually do, is live- rather than compete. We are all important, relevant players in our own lives- but we have to start living it & taking control of what happens to us.
A big factor in depression is the feeling that others expect certain things from us that we can't deliver. And because we can't give them what they want- we feel guilt. We then punish ourselves for not being good enough. The punishment part is where we act out. We jepodise potentially 'content & happy' situations that would benefit us. We act out by leading an unhealthy lifestyle & by pushing people away. We honestly think that at that moment, the person would be better off without us.
What the depressed person is doing, is they are making the decission for the other people in their lives. Due to excluding significant others from making relevant decissions, they push them away & write their own misery. Reconnect with your girlfriend- plan a night where you think about her- talk to her and tell her how you are feeling & why you think you feel that way. Tell her you are taking steps to change this, because you know it's something that can be changed. Then listen- ask her who was the person she fell for & see if getting 'him' back is on the cards- could this be an 'overall goal'?
You need support. Depression is best battled with friends & family, if possible.
Good Luck & my best wishes to you.