I don't know what to do with my mother. She became so annoying since she had grown old. She is very difficult to be around, so negative about everyone and everything, verbally abusive to my husband in our home, and then played the victim when he told her to mind her own business. My husband is angry but understands. I want to have a healthy relationship with her, but it's hard, so please I don't know what to do.
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Is she very old? I know what you mean. My mom just turned 70 and she severely annoying. All her friends passed away and she expect from me to sit all day long with her and do nothing. I am considering some home with medical care for her to be honest.
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Yes, my Dad became annoying yesterday, so I gave him a jigger of Vodka and told him it was perscription tonic. He seemed okay with that, but now he is plastered and is running naked around the house, all lathered up with soap and singing show tunes. All the booz is gone too, this is so annoying.
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Annoying Parents or is it.... annoying Children?
It is my sincere belief that we need to communicate with our parents at a different level as they age. You are no longer a child, but in their eyes you are. They will want to correct you till the day they go to glory. However, we must recognize that fact that they are sensing a loss of control and complaining about things is one way to get it out of their system, not that it helps. Just listen, and then change the topic if you can.
I have also observed that if a person has been somewhat obsessive about things before old age sets in, then these obsessions become even more pronounced. Some good examples of this are persons who may have been extremely good at something such as financial matters or gardening or housekeeping, may find that they are unable to keep all the balls in the air. What needs to happen is a releasing of responsibilities for them. As people age, they need to get their affairs in order and have their will and personal directives set up in such a way that they can relax and know that it is looked after. They need to make these decisions when they are of sound mind. This way, those who look after them (family and powers of attorney and guardians) can regularly reassure them that they have made good decisions about their financial affairs and they can relax and enjoy life.
Talk to your parents about how they want to live the next 10 years. Maybe they want a smaller place - help them with that. Realize that not everything needs immediate solutions or decisions.
I also believe that opening up a small discussion with your mother or father about their behavior will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy. Take some time and have some fun with your mom and dad - go for icecream or a scenic drive to admire your community. Let them talk about stuff and ask them questions about their childhood. Encourage them to go out and make friends at a local church or Ladies auxiliary. This will keep them active in the community and lesson their need to be critical because they are doing something about the state of the world.
If you make a habit of talking to your parents daily while growing up and having your own family, don't expect that habit to change when they are older! In fact, I would recommend that people do not call their parents daily, but rather wait a few days or even a week to talk to them. Then you have some news and they have some news, and they don't feel like they are being checked up on all the time. Let them know your schedule (print it and give it to them), and suggest regular times when you will call them. That way, they can run out and do stuff and not worry that they miss your call.
Encourage them to have people come in and help them - like with lawn mowing or house cleaning, even while they are still able. Make sure the people coming in enjoy their company, and perhaps have time to visit and have a snack or lunch with them, that the senior can prepare. This goes a long way to keeping them engaged with others besides their family. Sure it might cost a bit to have the house cleaned, but it's the fun and friendship that is the key.
Make sure they are healthy too, because I've noticed they don't like going to the doctor, and UTI :$ are common with older people, making them very disagreable. Suggest a checkup and followup with them to make sure they took the doc's advice.
Finally, pray for them and love on them. They won't be with you forever. :'(
It is my sincere belief that we need to communicate with our parents at a different level as they age. You are no longer a child, but in their eyes you are. They will want to correct you till the day they go to glory. However, we must recognize that fact that they are sensing a loss of control and complaining about things is one way to get it out of their system, not that it helps. Just listen, and then change the topic if you can.
I have also observed that if a person has been somewhat obsessive about things before old age sets in, then these obsessions become even more pronounced. Some good examples of this are persons who may have been extremely good at something such as financial matters or gardening or housekeeping, may find that they are unable to keep all the balls in the air. What needs to happen is a releasing of responsibilities for them. As people age, they need to get their affairs in order and have their will and personal directives set up in such a way that they can relax and know that it is looked after. They need to make these decisions when they are of sound mind. This way, those who look after them (family and powers of attorney and guardians) can regularly reassure them that they have made good decisions about their financial affairs and they can relax and enjoy life.
Talk to your parents about how they want to live the next 10 years. Maybe they want a smaller place - help them with that. Realize that not everything needs immediate solutions or decisions.
I also believe that opening up a small discussion with your mother or father about their behavior will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy. Take some time and have some fun with your mom and dad - go for icecream or a scenic drive to admire your community. Let them talk about stuff and ask them questions about their childhood. Encourage them to go out and make friends at a local church or Ladies auxiliary. This will keep them active in the community and lesson their need to be critical because they are doing something about the state of the world.
If you make a habit of talking to your parents daily while growing up and having your own family, don't expect that habit to change when they are older! In fact, I would recommend that people do not call their parents daily, but rather wait a few days or even a week to talk to them. Then you have some news and they have some news, and they don't feel like they are being checked up on all the time. Let them know your schedule (print it and give it to them), and suggest regular times when you will call them. That way, they can run out and do stuff and not worry that they miss your call.
Encourage them to have people come in and help them - like with lawn mowing or house cleaning, even while they are still able. Make sure the people coming in enjoy their company, and perhaps have time to visit and have a snack or lunch with them, that the senior can prepare. This goes a long way to keeping them engaged with others besides their family. Sure it might cost a bit to have the house cleaned, but it's the fun and friendship that is the key.
Make sure they are healthy too, because I've noticed they don't like going to the doctor, and UTI :$ are common with older people, making them very disagreable. Suggest a checkup and followup with them to make sure they took the doc's advice.
Finally, pray for them and love on them. They won't be with you forever. :'(
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o.O
Dear Guest,
This forum is called "Steady Health" for a reason, and insulting the contributors is not helpful.
The worst thing that we can do in life is not listen to wise counsel. While I may have gone a little overboard on the advice to help our aging parents, it was given with the best of the intentions. It is one thing to come on these sites and drop bombs about our terrible lives and situations, it's another thing to be honest and see if we have tried all we can to improve our lot in life and that of our parents.
Telling people to shut up on a health site is rude, but I forgive you and hope that if I have offended you, you can be woman or man enough to actually use a login that is not "guest", to discuss why the advice angers you.
Perhaps the advice is too pie in the sky, perhaps it's idealistic, perhaps you've tried it all and it didn't work.
People have a problem brainstorming and sharing - they would rather tell people to shut up than change anything in their lives. Or perhaps because the truth hurts. I don't know. In any case, you've hurt my feelings, and if you treat your parents this way, it is no wonder you find them annoying. Maybe it's you that has the problem, and not them.
:'(
Dear Guest,
This forum is called "Steady Health" for a reason, and insulting the contributors is not helpful.
The worst thing that we can do in life is not listen to wise counsel. While I may have gone a little overboard on the advice to help our aging parents, it was given with the best of the intentions. It is one thing to come on these sites and drop bombs about our terrible lives and situations, it's another thing to be honest and see if we have tried all we can to improve our lot in life and that of our parents.
Telling people to shut up on a health site is rude, but I forgive you and hope that if I have offended you, you can be woman or man enough to actually use a login that is not "guest", to discuss why the advice angers you.
Perhaps the advice is too pie in the sky, perhaps it's idealistic, perhaps you've tried it all and it didn't work.
People have a problem brainstorming and sharing - they would rather tell people to shut up than change anything in their lives. Or perhaps because the truth hurts. I don't know. In any case, you've hurt my feelings, and if you treat your parents this way, it is no wonder you find them annoying. Maybe it's you that has the problem, and not them.
:'(
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ma mom is really really really annoying since she was 30 she says really crazy sh*t :-@
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With all due respect, whoever you are, you sound like an evangelical. I just know that you are. I can sniff one out and recognize their language from clear across the other side of the world. Please, no evangelicalism on this forum. This forum is not about religion; it's about people who are struggling when it comes to coping with elderly parents in their lives. Your sappiness is offensive to people who may genuinely be struggling with this issue in their lives.
You do not sound like one who has known battle in this regard. You come across as one who likes to read a lot of contemporary religious books about different subjects and then give advice to others in Jesus' Name about what you have read, yet never experienced.
Yes...you are that transparent, and it is beyond offensive to those of us who have the discernment to recognize this.
You do not sound like one who has known battle in this regard. You come across as one who likes to read a lot of contemporary religious books about different subjects and then give advice to others in Jesus' Name about what you have read, yet never experienced.
Yes...you are that transparent, and it is beyond offensive to those of us who have the discernment to recognize this.
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this guy is obviously an old person im guessing like 60 because they no how to type long ass message
and i think this person has proved alt of points i the others messages
and i think this person has proved alt of points i the others messages
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ok um what? like seriously they said nothing about religion...but you did? that makes no sense and our society is what it is today because there isnt enough people like this person to be nice, instead there are people like you who just tear down others. if you didnt want help then why did you post anything in the first place. i know this isnt what this site is about but reading this just made me wonder why would you just want to be rude? and judging from this i'd probably say that it's not the parent that is annoying it's you
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I know that this is a old post but I am in need of help right now with my husbands mother. So I truly feel your pain!!!!She is annoying, miserable, negative, disrespectful etc. She has absolutely no life of her own and is looking to my family to feel "needed" well the truth is, we don't need her and because of her actions we definitely don't want her either. I have told her over and over again to focus on her own life and if I needed her, I would let her know......she is desperately waiting and hoping I will need her for something .... smh. I have come to really despise this woman..any suggestions?
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This sounds like my mum. Dad died 18 months ago.... They were together for 55 years and she never learned how to have her own life. As a young girl I was very frustrated with her and used to complaints her and Dad about the fact that she didn't have her own mind. I left home when I was 15 because I couldn't stand it. Now I'm 41 and she's back in my life big time. I've only just learned how stop rebelling against all if her mindless philosophies in life that were drummed into my head as a child. I am married with three grown up children and my mum now lives with us most of the time. I haven't got the heart to challenge her on her ways, because she is too stupid and will cry and freak out. I'm also looking for answers this is a tough one.
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WoW I can't imagine having my annoying Mother living with us and our children. I'm sure we'd be stressed out and fighting every day! And probably also divorced after being married for 36 years. I have a very critical 78 yr. old Mom. She's also narcissistic so nobody and nothing is ever good enough for her. Since our Dad died 4 yrs. ago she's been very dependent on my husband and I. I have 2 brothers that have very little to do with her. They work & enjoy their families & let us do it all. If we didn't she'd have nobody else but this is getting to be too much for us. We've been trying to get her to move into Assisted Living but her Senior friends talk her out of it. They tell her negative things about the places we take her to look at & she believes them not us. All we can do is pray for her and wait for her to fall and break something before she'll be approved to move into a Government subsidized Care Home. She has spinal stenosis but won't accept that so she's in a wheelchair full time. We understand that her life is difficult now but her personality has gotten really bad & she's very ungrateful. I live with guilt because I had such a strong relationship with my Dad & because he was appreciative I did anything for him!!
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