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Hi Emma, sending you lots of positive vibes! We just gotta power through this, one day we’ll be coming on here to speak about our recovery. I know we will. I cried at work today because I’m so frustrated after work I chatted with friends and kinda took my mind away from that headspace and it helped a ton. This is really such a weird experience!
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New Hope
13 posts
Hello Ladies, just looking for some input here. To start out...this is crazy that a tiny little pill can create such a mess. So sad and frustrating. Anyway, I have been off of Reclipsen since April of this year. In the beginning it was horrible, extreme anxiety to the point I was having panic attacks and uncontrollably crying.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Prior to stopping birth control he was everything that I ever wanted. I have always dreamt of getting married, starting a family, and all of that. Since stopping birth control my intrustive, obsessive, ruminating thoughts are just horrible. I am almost to 6 months off. 10.28.2018 will be six months off. Since then, I have only had 1 natural period, that was in July. I am getting discharge (sorry TMI) but I never actually get my own period. I have taken Vitmain B, D, female complex, Oceans 3, Maca Root, etc. My current cycle is on day 89. I haven't had a period in 57 days.

Also, my boyfriend and I recently got engaged on September 2nd. I was so excited when he popped the question, but now wedding planning seems to daunting. Like I am not excited for the wedding. I do not know if it is because of all of this hormonal mess or what. I can have a few days of clarity, like 3-4 days. Then my moods slowly starts to decline and I slump back into that numb, emotionally distant state.

Just looking for some thoughts. I had a really good past 3 days and now I am struggling again. I am honestly scared that I am still going to be having these obsessional ruminating thoughts when our wedding comes around next year October.
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Hi! First off congratulations on your engagement! What a beautiful thing, I’m sorry you’re going through this during such a special moment in your life. I’d like to start off by saying that I do not doubt that the hormonal imbalance is causing the lack of emotions! Planning a wedding can be a bit stressful and having to go through this whilst your body is trying to regulate itself can definitely take a toll on you. Have you spoken to your gynecologist regarding your cycle? I think the fact that you haven’t gotten your cycle just go to show you how hard your body is working to regulate itself. Also the spotting you mentioned sounds like maybe you will be getting your cycle soon, has that been a constant thing or recent?
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New Hope
13 posts
I have tried talking to my gyno. She completely dismisses that BC can be causing any of this. She wanted me to see a psychiatrist as she thinks I am depressed and nothing else. My APNP prescribed me buspirone for anxiety. I am taking 5 mg/day and that seems to cut down some of the ruminating thoughts. But, I still get the thoughts like "should I be with him", "should I be getting married" "do I love him enough."

As for spotting. I haven't had any spotting since July. I am only getting discharge, watery, creamy, or sticky (raw eggwhite) discharge. Nothing else. I have had a pelvic ultrasound and blood tests to test for pregnancy and PCOS, all of which have come back negative. My APNP wants me to wait until January to see if I get a cycle and if I do not then she wants to prescribe me Provera to induce a menstrual. I am not sure how I feel about that though, as I do not want to pump anymore synthetic hormones into my body.
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I am no doctor, but I’m hoping the discharge is a sign that your body is starting back up. I’m hoping it does because like you I never wanna hear about synthetic hormones again. Those thoughts can be so discouraging but hopefully wedding planning can serve as a good distraction for you. Really really hoping your cycle regulates soon but if your doctors aren’t too concerned and all your test have come back normal don’t be alarmed and don’t let that be another factor to feed your anxiety I know easier said than done but try.
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Does anyone else get a muscle twitch in the same place repeatedly for like weeks? I’ve had this twitch/ fluttering feeling in my left calf muscle which I’ve never had before for a few weeks now. I’m wearing thin guys, I don’t know how much longer I can take the anxiety, the jittery feeling and head spinning
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Thank you for your insight I really appreciate it. I am having some constant cramping in my lower abdomen and back today. I’m praying that I will be menstrating soon to start to recycle my body! Honestly never thought I’d be excited to get a period.
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Hey, I too think that your discharge means that your body is trying to ovulate/menstruate. Your hormones just arent at the right ratio right now to produce an actual period.
This whole mess has been HELL. Sometimes, my boyfriend acts a certain silly way and it reminds me when we were so happy together and it spikes my anxiety ans make me unable to respond the same silly way. I am overwhelmed with all of this. Its been too long... How am I going to return to how I was?! Anyways, Thank god for this forum... Its my safeplace when things are not going well...
strenght to all of you xxx
emma
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Hello yes! I had that above my right knee for about 9 months. The good news is, it does go away.
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New Hope
13 posts
I agree with you that I just feel like a different person sometimes. It is scary because I get worried that this is how I am going to be forever. Then there are days when I have doubts that this isn't all hormone related, but yet in reality it has to be because if it wasn't I would be menstruating regularly. Not only one time in 6 months.

I also get nervous/anxious then cry when I think that I might be like this on my wedding day. I want to enjoy my wedding day and not be nervous/anxious/sad/emotional.

Yesterday and today I have had some cramping. I have been excited awaiting my period, but unfortunately there isn't anything yet.
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Hello Emma!
I’ve been following your posts these last couple days and I just wanted to let you know that I relate to you very much. My biggest problem since coming off the pill has been intrusive thoughts aimed toward my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over four years and I’ve been dealing with this for about the same time as you! I was only on the pill for a couple months until I started to feel strange and that’s actually why I got off. Who knew that I wouldn’t be completely better to this day! BUT I just wanted to say that I know what you’re going through. It’s almost like you feel so weird towards this person and just want to end the relationship but something is making you hold on. This made me so depressed since I was experiencing that happiness from my boyfriend anymore, therefore I didn’t see a point in continuing the relationship. But I held on and I’m here today to say that it gets so much better. I know how bad it could feel in the moment. I was literally on this forum everyday for months searching for clarity when I was questioning every aspect of my boyfriend. I used to have so many bad days where the thoughts consumed my mind, but not my days are mostly good and just filled with a few bad thoughts here and there. If you ever want to talk I do check this board once in a while. Try to not let this board consume too much of your time too! it’s a safe place but it’s also a reminder that something is wrong. Stay strong xoxo
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I’m curious, for the past two months the second day of my period I’ve noticed my whole body goes into exhaustion mode, I cry over everything, and just feel super down. Does anyone else get this ?
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This is literally me about a week before my period, I feel like I don’t get enough sleep after a full nights sleep and I cry over everything, like any little thing!
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I honestly feel like I’m not gonna make it out of this alive, I’m third day of my period and the obsessive thoughts around death and dying are strong and I’m so scared. I want to go back to my normal self again. I keep waking up randomly throughout the night and my head hurts, also nausea. I’m at 8 months :(
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I am so sorry you’re going through this, I had those intrusive thoughts a few times and they were absolutely terrifying. Make sure you’re surrounded by a support system do not isolate yourself during these scary times. Keep the mind distracted. As for the nausea I am with you on that I get it pretty bad sometimes. Hang in there my friend you’re just one step closer to the end! Stay strong!
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