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Everyday is the same i wake up go to school do my work. But i fell like i am a different person i don't fell like my self i feel like i'm just trying to make everyone laugh and make my self happy with the people around me. After  school is over i go home and feel different, not the same guy as i was at school. I go to my room and open up facebook and other pages. i start looking up weird stuff and watching videos of so many random sh*t. I look at picture of dead people with bad injures and torturing killing suicide and lots more. but when i am watching this pictures and videos i don't feel anything not disgusted scared not a single thing i can go all night looking all this sh*t. and then i start thinking why i don't feel such thing. and then school problems come on mind my parents are divorce. i don't really want to live any more. but i still don't want to just die. i don't know what i am felling or what going on don't feel depress either . what do you people think is going on?

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I also google the most random sh*t online mainly out of curiosity, like what has happend to certain people, who did this to them and why? Sometimes I think when we go through something really intense in life and than seeing people get hurt, all we can feel is our disturbing pain that it is hard to feel theirs. When I watch scary movies its basically like a quilty pleasure. You wanna see it( out of curiosity) but know if you do you will feel digust. I know I do. I am skitzoprehnic, and severly depressed. My thoughts and images have gotten so intense because of how intense things got for me and the distubring words people have said to me.. here, I'll explain. When your depressed your mind comes up with more ways to torture yourself through thoughts and images in the brain( not on purpose ) example..you watch a scary a movie than you over think it and think what if that happend to my family or friends and you put the image in your head and you can't get it out of your mind when you really want to( google it and youll see why you can't get the images out of your head ). By the way. I know many people who google random stuff and stuff like you do and they aren't bad people at all. It's just curiosilty.

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but if you can go on all night looking at people being hurt, than that could be a problem...I have a friend named angela who is a beautiful person inside and out and the only movies she will watch are horror movies. hmm

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and why did you post this under a physical symtpm rather than mental health...hmm

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Yes!! I do it for curiosity but more like because i kind of like to see what out there and its been mouths and i laugh at stuff that is not suppose to be funny and my friends ask me " why are you laughing at people who are dead or just died" and i don't know what to answer back but i still laugh.
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Don't really know i though it could fit on mental. I'm 15 i don;t get much stuff
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Yeah I've never laughed at anyone who has passed away..so I don't know what to tell you. Sorry.

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