I'm going to try and make this short and sweet...if it all possible.... We have been married 10 years and together for 12, we have 2 boys...during the first year of our marriage I found charges on our cc for a webcam site. I addressed it and he promised he wouldn't do it again. After that I felt super insecure and really thought of it as a form or cheating. He of course said it is nothing like cheating. Throughout the years I never came across any indication of him accessing webcam sites but I know he watches porn every now and then, which I am totally cool with. On NYE 2017 I saw about $200 of charges in our bank statement for another webcam site. We went back home for the holidays and he had to leave one week ahead of us because of his job so he was home alone for an entire week. I didn't make a fuss, I was just clear, concise and to the point. I said,"I saw the charges, you told me you weren't doing that anymore. You are going to stop this sh*t right now and thats it." He didn't say anything but, "Yes". And I never brought it up again. That summer in 2017, he went out of town for a job and was going to be gone for 4 weeks. During that time I came across emails from an escort website. We live overseas and his job requires him to work in different countries within the EU... the country he was working in has legal prostitution. After I found these emails, I clicked on the links provided and it took me to an account that he set up. He sent at least 15 messages to 15 different escorts in his area and provided them with his hotel, room number and local cell phone number (he told me someone he was sent there with got a sim card for his phone and it didn't work so the guy gave it to him since it worked in his phone which I still don't believe that one bit, then stated he needed one anyway since he was the lead for the current job site and needed to be easily contacted in case of emergencies on the job site). In these messages he stated how he loved their bodies and wanted to do dirty things to them. From what I can see only 2 women replied but I cannot tell if anything was initiated or not. Once I confronted him with this I threatened to leave and that I was going to be gone by the time he returned. Of course he swore up and down he didn't do anything and that he was super drink when he made the account and hardly remembers even doing it (again I don't believe). After all this he was only there for about 3.5 weeks and managed to spend almost 3k his entire stay. Needless to say I was livid. From what I can tell about the escort there and the sex business in general, it was pretty cheap to hire a girl for the night or even a couple of hours. $20-$30 and hour to about $50 for the entire night. And the possibilities were endless as to what they would do and consider doing and what they would let you do to them. On top of finding those emails, I also found emails from 2 other discreet hook up sites and they were formatted near our area. The date they were created was during the time he came home before we did at the start of the new year. He made a profile for each site and listed his interests and demographics. They both said he was married and looking for a discreet hookup. I was hurt, crushed, etc, I felt betrayed, deceived, all of the above. I decided to stay after much, much deliberation and compromise.. so now 8 months later, he's in Vegas, of all places, for work again for 6 weeks... he wasn't even gone one week and I found emails from 2 different sites, one for webcams and of course, discreet hookups. So now I am torn. I love this id**t. We have been trying to work on things and then this happens again. When I confronted him of course he denies, denies, denies. I have decided that I am leaving when school is out for the summer. I will be heading back home to the US. But as for returning, I am on the fence. I told him the only way I would come back is if we went to marriage counseling. He refused marriage counseling and said we didn't need it. That we could work this out on our own. I refused and said its this or we don't come back. He said he'd go, but since he doesn't believe counseling is effective, he won't participate. BUT here's the other concern or issue I have: I find myself sexually aroused by all of this!!! It pisses me off, it kills me inside to even think about him wanting to have sex with someone other than me, but at the same time, when I picture him doing it, I get so turned on! What the hell is that about!?
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