Hello,
I am 24, mother of 2 (5 & 2) recently married, stay at home mom working on my bachelor degree. This past summer (august) I had surgery to remove my gallbladder, which put me out of work. As soon as I had the surgery, my life changed.
I began to have constant anxiety attacks, even waking up to them out of a dead sleep! (I dont usually dream, if I do I dont remember so I couldnt tell you if it was a cause of a dream or whatnot) I have only had anxiety attacks one period before in my life and it got so bad that my limbs would go numb and I couldn't breath, physically stopped breathing turned blue, the whole nine yards.
Well the day I had the surgery, the meds they gave me in the hospital and the prescription did absolutely nothing for me. It did not limit the pain, I still was unable to move and barely able to breath. They told me to take it for a week and see if it helped...well that wasn't an option. So, my mother offered a couple of her morphine tablets. She has been on instant as well as time released for 20 years (the instant relief is 30mg, the time released is 50mg, she takes about a combined of... maybe 12* a day prescribed by her doc?) so I began to take them and of course felt instantly better.
I kept on them, maybe taking one of the time released a day or 2 of the instant a day, never more. I was on them for about a month and a half (the length my doc had me out of work) and never having been addicted to anything before I stopped cold turkey. I began having my anxiety attacks even worse then before. I asked my doc about it and he said it wasn't his "area" and couldn't tell me a thing to do about it except find someone else. Which having no insurance, I couldn't do. I was still experiencing the pain from surgery off and on, so I would still take them.
I began to get extremely depressed and just not myself. I would cry for no reason, I would snap at my husband or I would just sit in the corner and not know why I was acting this way. I had nothing to stress about, and I'm normally I happy person...well beyond happy. I've always smiled at everything.
So I began taking the instant morphine for anxiety and to just put me in a better mood. I know it was stupid, but it was the only thing I had and I couldn't live like that.
Now, I want to get off it. I have gotten down to half an instant morphine a day for about a week, but I just cant cut the rest. I have tried the 1/4 and I'm dying (my arms physically hurt from being so cold and covered with goosebumps yet sweating my ass off, and crying because I just dont know what to do) I cant be like this infront of my kids. I need something to help me.
I have never been addicted to anything before(dont like alcohol much, never smoked ciggs, weed, never been addicted to any other pain meds even though I have had two c-sections before) and I cant go to the hospital for it, a doc, or the free clinic because they all drug test. As soon as I show positive for it they will not listen to a word I say because I got the morphine illegally and was abusing it.
What are some things that I can get to maybe ease the symptoms, also the anxiety just until I'm clean enough to find a doc for it?? I need to be clean to find a job when my schooling is done with in May. Also, I cant publicly get help because once my ex finds out he will take me back and try to get custody of my son from the courts. I know I have made mistakes and I'm really trying to get this taken care of, but I dont know what else to do at this point. I got so stressed today that I took a time released (which is also 12 hrs) which I havent done in quite some time, so I prolly just set myself back... I'm so lost right now. I dont want to be like this in front of my kids, for my husband. Please help me.
I apologize for the length.
I am 24, mother of 2 (5 & 2) recently married, stay at home mom working on my bachelor degree. This past summer (august) I had surgery to remove my gallbladder, which put me out of work. As soon as I had the surgery, my life changed.
I began to have constant anxiety attacks, even waking up to them out of a dead sleep! (I dont usually dream, if I do I dont remember so I couldnt tell you if it was a cause of a dream or whatnot) I have only had anxiety attacks one period before in my life and it got so bad that my limbs would go numb and I couldn't breath, physically stopped breathing turned blue, the whole nine yards.
Well the day I had the surgery, the meds they gave me in the hospital and the prescription did absolutely nothing for me. It did not limit the pain, I still was unable to move and barely able to breath. They told me to take it for a week and see if it helped...well that wasn't an option. So, my mother offered a couple of her morphine tablets. She has been on instant as well as time released for 20 years (the instant relief is 30mg, the time released is 50mg, she takes about a combined of... maybe 12* a day prescribed by her doc?) so I began to take them and of course felt instantly better.
I kept on them, maybe taking one of the time released a day or 2 of the instant a day, never more. I was on them for about a month and a half (the length my doc had me out of work) and never having been addicted to anything before I stopped cold turkey. I began having my anxiety attacks even worse then before. I asked my doc about it and he said it wasn't his "area" and couldn't tell me a thing to do about it except find someone else. Which having no insurance, I couldn't do. I was still experiencing the pain from surgery off and on, so I would still take them.
I began to get extremely depressed and just not myself. I would cry for no reason, I would snap at my husband or I would just sit in the corner and not know why I was acting this way. I had nothing to stress about, and I'm normally I happy person...well beyond happy. I've always smiled at everything.
So I began taking the instant morphine for anxiety and to just put me in a better mood. I know it was stupid, but it was the only thing I had and I couldn't live like that.
Now, I want to get off it. I have gotten down to half an instant morphine a day for about a week, but I just cant cut the rest. I have tried the 1/4 and I'm dying (my arms physically hurt from being so cold and covered with goosebumps yet sweating my ass off, and crying because I just dont know what to do) I cant be like this infront of my kids. I need something to help me.
I have never been addicted to anything before(dont like alcohol much, never smoked ciggs, weed, never been addicted to any other pain meds even though I have had two c-sections before) and I cant go to the hospital for it, a doc, or the free clinic because they all drug test. As soon as I show positive for it they will not listen to a word I say because I got the morphine illegally and was abusing it.
What are some things that I can get to maybe ease the symptoms, also the anxiety just until I'm clean enough to find a doc for it?? I need to be clean to find a job when my schooling is done with in May. Also, I cant publicly get help because once my ex finds out he will take me back and try to get custody of my son from the courts. I know I have made mistakes and I'm really trying to get this taken care of, but I dont know what else to do at this point. I got so stressed today that I took a time released (which is also 12 hrs) which I havent done in quite some time, so I prolly just set myself back... I'm so lost right now. I dont want to be like this in front of my kids, for my husband. Please help me.
I apologize for the length.
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I would suggest switching to ultram it will help with withdraws and is non addictive. and stay strong for your kids, they need you
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ultram is addicing, its hard to get addicted, but its possible, and if you take it for awhile you will experience some type of withdrawel syptom, mainly insomnia, and flu not as bad a morphine, ive been on er 60mg x3 a day for 3 yrs i lost my leg in iraq, and have schrapnel all over, and it tears at the muscles when i move, they cant remove it, in fear of nerve damage, but id say slowly cut down, and your last week, go 24 hrs on nothing, i know it will suck, but sy on monday stop, then tues night take one at night, and one at night for 4 days, then 24 hrs without, and 1/2 at night for 5 days, then just stop, the syptoms will last for about...... 3 days, the mental cravings are the worst, you need a trigger that will prevent you from giving in, like youir kids, or something you truly love, good luck, email me ill help you, _[removed]_
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