My husband is a good provider, funny, helpful. But he doesn't have friends, doesn't wants friends. Neither want people to come over our house. He is always worry about the if's: If people throw themselves on the couch instead of seating down nicely; what if they kick the dining table legs instead of keeping them to themselves. An on , and on......
He likes to visit few family members, but at their place not them coming to ours. It is so stressful, so sad. I love my husband deeply, but I need to have friends. Currently, I'm afraid to make friends. Because friends visit each other, and I know that will be a big issue.
Sometime people ask him if he is ok, because he doesn't smile. He gets very angry when someone ask. Believe me, he does have a beautiful smile. But if you come across with my husband somewhere, you'll think that he'll jump over you. He looks angry all the time.
I'm not asking, what am I going to do. I'm asking, what is wrong with my husband and how can I help him? Thanks,
Firstly, your husband sounds like a wonderful guy. Secondly, to me it sounds like your husband could be suffering from Social Anxiety.
Social Anxiety can be an awful thing to deal with. I'll list some things down here and you'll have to see if they sound about right for your husband's behavior.
Social anxiety is more than shyness. It's an intense fear that doesn't go away and affects everyday activities, self-confidence, relationships and work or school life.
Many people occasionally worry about social situations, but someone with social anxiety feels overly worried before, during and after them.
Quoted from NHS Social Anxiety webpage:
"You may have social anxiety if you:
- dread everyday activities, such as meeting strangers, starting conversations, speaking on the phone, working or shopping
- avoid or worry a lot about social activities, such as group conversations, eating with company, and parties
- always worry about doing something you think is embarrassing, such as blushing, sweating or appearing incompetent
- find it difficult to do things when others are watching – you may feel like you're being watched and judged all the time
- fear criticism, avoid eye contact or have low self-esteem
- often have symptoms such as feeling sick, sweating, trembling or a pounding heartbeat (palpitations)
- have panic attacks (where you have an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety, usually only for a few minutes)"
To get a diagnosis/help with dealing with this he would have to see his Doctor unfortunately. Depending on where you live, there may be other options available for help. For now, you could ask him if he could chose a close family member to come over for dinner and part of this dinner plan would be that you state a fw ground rules to try to make your husband feel more comfortable.
I hope that I've helped. Just to be clear though, I've worked in a Pharmacy as a Dispenser for years. I've talked to many different people and dealt with many different mental health issues during that time. I'm using my experience and profession to make a suggestion on what I think could be wrong. This doesn't, however, make me correct. He would need a diagnosis from a Doctor; and that is what I am suggesting.
Take care and all the best,