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My husband gets angry at very small things. He had a bad childhood with no love or hugs and kisses off his mum and he used to get belted by her. His dad drank all the time and they split up. My husband does like to have a drink. He can drink a bottle of wine a night sometimes. Other times he just has a drink at the weekend. I am confused because I don't think he is an alcoholic as he does get angry when he hasn't had a drink. He also likes everything to be tidy and all the cupboards and fridges neat and tidy and in rows. I was wondering with all these symptoms where related? Is there anything I can do? He never goes to the doctor as he is very fit. I don't know where to start as i feel it is mental abuse and I get really worried about it. He has never hit me but has smashed items and thrown items.

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Dont worry...I dont think men getting angry is related to his mother beating him.
There are many guys I know who get angry particularly at their wife and kids but behave in a very good manner outside.

Also - be patient. Do not reply/argue when he is angry.
please move away from him as he should not start hitting you.

He has a problem with anger management - but then there are many such guys in this world...and not everyone will admit that they have a problem or go for therapy.

so the best you can do is alter your behaviour.
try not responding verbally. maintain a calm/sorrowful face (pretend atleast). dont say anything.

does ur husband's anger reduce when you start crying/weeping silently then use that.

else move away from him...and pretend to be sorry...dont say anything
after sometime he will calm down (say after 4-5 hrs) then u say sorry.
even if you have not done anything wrong.
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Something is standing behind his anger, definitely. All you need to do is to figure out what. Actually, both of you! You need to find way out of this situation together. 

Together, you can make it!

I know that you just can't without asking yourself what makes person angry, what can you do about this if you are in the same situation? Was your fault?

It also seems to me that your husband is angry always because of his mom. He will never forget that, her behavior, he will never forget that she was beating him. 

But I do believe that this is a good thing in one hand because you do have a cause of his anger issues. 

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Your husband is bi-polar I went through the same thing. I finally figured it out when i kept reading online. The next time he was mean I left for two days . Then when he was begging for me to come back, I told him he would have to see a pscy, so they put him on seroquel, and he is so wonderful. It takes about three weeks, to kick in. Yeh it is a lot for visit but it will be the best money spent. Try to go to a doctor that has samples so u dont have to pay for meds. If you do decied u need to make sure he is taking his meds everyday!!! This is key, trust me it will work. Even if he is not bi polar the seroquel will help with his anger and will help-BIG TIME!
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I think that if you feel afraid of someone then you can definitely consider it to be abuse. If that is the case, then you should really talk to him about it. The way he treats you is not fair to either you or him.

I am not sure if the symptoms are related but if he does not seek help, you may want to actually leave him until he does. He will not get better if you continue to act as you have. Please let us know how things turn out.
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I think that it is absolutely ridiculous to advise someone to keep a calm/sorrowful face and to not alter behavior when a person is demonstrating erratic anger outbursts, seemingly geared toward the wife or children. I work in therapy w/ children and adults with several different mental disorders and anger is a common symptom. Your husband's anger could have come from his past in the way that 75% of all that we will ever know about relationships is internalized before the age of 5yo, per one family psychologist. It could also come from frustratration at the work place or that he does not feel that he is doing well either in the relationship or as a male. The drinking is merely a symptom of his pain. I believe that good strong counseling is needed for one or both of you to find your new path and decrease these outbursts. He is hurting, sweetheart, he needs some help and don't think that you are a failure for not being his savior here. Speak honestly with him and try to be patient, but also listen to your instincts and if it is time to protect yourself and your family this needs to be paramount until he can begin to heal.
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My husband sounds like yours.  I made him go to a psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD.  But the meds aren't working, I think he has biplor disorder and PTSD from physical abuse.  His dad was an alcoholic and did drugs and his parents went through an emotional divorce as well.

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just cause he had a bad childhood doesnt give an excuse to act like that and he should try and cut down on the drinking and tell him if he doesnt go see a doctor you will leave him not litterly but just to put a little scare in him
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Definitely he is hurting and his pain is a result of his unhappy childhood. During stresfull time his subconscious mind triggers his anger he learned while he was a child in a troublesome family and beeng rised by unhappy angry mother. His relation with his mom will always have an impact on relationships with women. Because he couldn't control to have a perfect mother he has a need to control other areas of his life for example to have everything very tidy around him. He wants things around him to be perfect which gives his subconscious mind some tranquility. If it is not tidy (perfect) he will get upset. Sometimes his anger is probably not reasonable at all. He is neat picking on small stuff. If it is not" this" he will find always something to be angry about. He has probably very litle tolerance for set-backs, mistakes or performances that are less than perfect. It is absolutely related to his relationship with his mother and his parents separating. Most likely he has an attachement and loss disorder (look for John Bowlby "Separation anger and axiety") Simply he must be unhappy not because of you but that unhappy little child in him is still hurting and is full of anger. It is very difficult for people who live with him. It really feels like mental abuse. Men ussually don't want to go for any type of terapy so it is difficult to even suggest them anything. Unresolved childhood attachment issues leave an adult vulnerable to difficulties in forming secure adult relationships. Patterns of attachment continue through the life cycle and across generations. New relations are affected by the expectations developed in past relationships. There is a strong correlation between insecure adult attachment and marital dissatisfaction and negative marital interactions. If an adult does not feel safe with others, he/she will tend to be either rejecting of their partner or overly clingy.

Kristina
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my husband has aner issues and when he gets mad he hit me and throw stuff at me what to do?

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We got married 4 years ago and we have 2.5 years baby. The first year of marriage was very much loving and peaceful but gradually he got angry with even very small things. I never argue with him when he got angry and be silent till he talk to me for discussion. Usually we discuss the matter he got angry, it is sure I have to say "Sorry" even I did the best at that time. At first times I was very calm and never got broken my own heart. He praised me to be patient and to save the love and marriage.
Those days I was trained to meditate and I had a great self confidence. Also never got hurt for the others behavior on me. But now I am very busy with the baby and studies, I am missing meditation and lost the confidence. So I was very sad and stressful but still be silent. I understood it. If I got angry with him and react same he will never come to peace. These are the things I did:
I played Damma videos to make him listen at home.
I gave a gift to him, it was a book of positive thinking for a happy life.
I am training my mind to be patient and kind as I was in the past.
I pates some positive quotes on some special places of home.
When he is happy and cool, I slowly tell him the matters I was hurt by his angry.
Amazing! he is changed. Not completely, But I trust on him.
The life is not the past or future, it is just this moment we live. If we want to change the world first we have to be changed.
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