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I've been married for almost 3 years. My husband and I have been fighting a lot more that the "occasional fight" lately. Started about 3 months ago, we got in a HUGE FIGHT and I said something really hurtful. I've appologized sincerely again and again. I don't know if he's still mad about that or what, he won't tell me, but I know that ever since that fight there has been extreme tension in our house. Every little thing sets him off. If the house isn't spotless, he's mad, yet he doesn't do a fair share of the household work. If I'm not home and cooking dinner when he walks in, he assumes I've been out cheating on him (doesn't say it, but definitely implies it). He refers to my guy friends as "boyfriends".... He's also starting to try to control who I am friends with, when & who I can hang out with. When I try to bring these issues up, even in a calm voice when we're not fighting, he feels like I'm attacking him and he immediately goes on the defense instead of trying to work though our issues. He's also recently become a huge health nut and goes to the gym 3-5 times a week. I HATE the gym, always have, and he gets mad when I refuse to go. But I've never enjoyed it, so why must I start because it's HIS new thing? He also is mildly controlling with other areas as well, from not letting me drink and have fun when we go out (while he gets plastered) to not letting me choose the radio station in my own car! He loves his family and talkes to them every day, especially his brother and mom. I like them and talk to them as well, and I consider them part of my family, but he makes no effort to talk to my family at all, and when it comes time to visit them, he always tries to make up reasons for not going. My sister's wedding is in September, and I didn't give him a choice on whether or not he could go, because last time I went home without him, my family thought it was kind of shitty he didn't come, so I lied and told them it was because he didn't have any vacation time (which was the same excuse he told me, eventhough he had tons of days saved up). It's just like every little aspect of out marriage is falling apart seperately. I don't know where to start to fix these problems, and he certainly won't discuss any of it with me. What can I do?

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Hi -


I am from India. Indian men are control freaks (not all of them though)
You know the best advise an older woman gave me is "treat him like a puppy" and that works.....trust me.....
My husband has been an only child (parents divorced,) coming for a well to do rich family mothers side). He is a big miser. Wants every calculation. I am very careful spending as we had very hard days.
He is very jealous of my family and the bonding that I have with them.
You know girl. He has been rude to me and I have learned to just treat him like that puppy dog...thats what he is worth...because no matter what you do for them....we are always their doormats.....

good luck...hope this works...
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This is the saddest reply I've read! I, too have been married for nearly 3 years. And my husband, too, has become mildly controlling. At first it wasn't obvious because he would convince me to always do the things he wanted, or said he was looking out for me, but now that I am trying to do things on my own, like find a job, or even go to the groceries store without an escort, he gets very upset. He's faulted almost all of my friends and some of my closest family members, and convinced me that they are bad friends and I should stay away from them, and like an id**t, I believed him! Also, I have Multiple Sclerosis so being more dependent on other people than healthier women doesn't help my cause (I need a cane to get around short distances, and a wheelchair to get around longer distances... ever tried carrying a 115lb electric wheelchair? Ok, now try carrying it while suffering from weakness in your legs and imbalance...). But I am a beautiful, wonderful woman. I'm kind, and I try to always make people smile, and share the love. And I don't want to be anyone's doormat! :_(
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You can first start with "I" messages such as "Can we chat? Lately I've been feeling a distance between us and I'm concerned. I love you and I want to get back on track. Is there anything I can do?" instead of a "You" messages like "You seem distant". If he is already hurt, he may be to vulnerable to hear anymore criticism, even if you deliver it calmly and kindly. If that doesn't seem to work, next time he blows up at you, simply say "that hurt me" and walk away. Don't talk to him anymore until he apologizes. It's not ok to just keep blowing up at your wife and if he does, treat him like anyone else throwing a tantrum. Tell him how it made you feel and then give it zero attention. If he isn't willing to talk to you with respect, then he doesn't get to talk to you at all.

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