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hi there all, this is my first post and I really want to say that reading here other posts and answers have helped me a lot already, but I still want to hear ur opinion about something. i'm in my late twenties and I was widowed 2 years ago. I had a great husband, I always try not to idolize him or our marriage, but he was a great guy I and we were great couple. I miss him much and love him forever. when he died I was saying i'll never date in my life again, I realize no one is born to be alone and that many people do recouple, but for me it's very hard to live with my loss. most of my friends are not my friends anymore for the simple reason... I was young as they are, I was grieving and still am, and they wanted to party so they stopped calling me out, or calling me at all, or if they did they kept saying "we're having a party but we understand if u don't want to come" so I didn't. I gave my best to stay sane and alive, to accept the fact that I need to rebuild my life from scratch and to make something out of dust, but along the way I lost all feelings. I have new friends and I kept going day after day but I don't have any normal feelings anymore. the only feeling I can define is fear I developed. fear for health of my family and my own health. besides that i'm a robot. this is a bit long, sorry for that but I needed this intro so I can point out what I need ur opinion about. even I said I won't date, since I have all new friends, some of them don't know about my loss, and they met me when I changed so much as a person. being widowed at such a young age after 7 years of marriage changes u as a person so much. I grieved loss of my hubby, loss of our unborn children, loss of my own personality... some of them asked me out and some of them were flirting. I know that's normal, it was happening even before because people usually wouldn't guess i'm married so young, but then I would go home and laugh about it with my husband. now i'm numb about everything. after seeing one friend couple of times he openly said he finds me attractive. nothing happened. I came home and I knew that for me he's just a number. a guy i'll never fall for. but everytime he calls I go out, he know's I don't have any feelings at all and that's fine by him, he likes my body, he's not in love with me. he noticed I need hugs so he hugs me from time to time and I accept it, we're using each other for that... couple of weeks later after couple of more walks and coffies he kissed me. I didn't kiss him back at first but eventually I did... it was like I kissed any object, I even tried to kiss him myself couple of times, and still I felt nothing. nothing. nothing at all. and he's a good, great looking guy. i'm just numb. I don't care about guys, or anything, I quit working, don't study, don't care....
I noticed I call my friends by nicknames me and my hubby had, and that sometimes I talk using the same words we used to use. when I look at his picture I feel butterflies like the first time I saw him, I just feel numb about everything else. I know i'm not ready for a relationship, but i'm so sad I became like this... I was so passionate about life and things before. I used to walk the street and smile at people and they would smile back to me, now when I walk the streets I think of people as of numbers... and I don't care about anything anymore. I can kiss that friend, or any other guy, I can have sex, and feel nothing, I can do anything normal people do, and I do it but I don't care. I don't even hate it, just no feelings about that. I don't even get nervous, or angry, I DON'T CARE :-( but I care that I don't care... now diagnose me please :-(

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ohh sweet heart I'm sorry for your loss,but where ever you husband is right now he is very proud of you. That you still love him soo much that you just can't feel love for any one else. It just happens once.  But your story is just like the movie "P:S. I love you" Your husband will  never would have wanted you to be alone and not have babies. You just have to take things one at a time..Relax you have already gone through too much. take care..

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