I can't decide my sexuality.Extremely moody, and even having suicidal thoughts.

Well Hello there.Prepare for a long post about me.

I'm 15 years old.I'm 6'1, and even though i shouldn't say this myself but i'm pretty smart.I'm the guy who stays up all nights during exams and then scores the highest marks.The relevance of this information will be clear soon.

Now, let's begin with my sexuality.Up until 11, i came across a gay porn video on the net.It was a spam link by someone.And as a boy of 11, i was pretty innocent, and that kind of shocked me to say the least.However, i shrugged it off.Cue me turning 13.The hormones started to flow, the hair started growing and erections came by soon.When i first came in contact woth porn, my first instinct was to go and watch the same thing i had seen when i was 11.It's been 2 years now, i love watching gay porn - although i can't say it's the only one i like, since i haven't seen much others.But here's the catch - i have a girlfriend.And she's the best thing to happen to me.I love her.

Firstly, i don't know what orientation i have.At times i wish i could have an experiment male buddy - or sometimes i feel i wish i could even bring up sex to my girlfriend.Sometimes, i really stay up all night thinking what it would be like to give/receive a blowjob.Sometimes i feel sick to my stomach for even thinking about giving one to someone.This cuases me to be depressed, and adds to another problem.

Moving on to my academic life.As i said i'm the king nerd, if you will of my class.But wuth every tests that come and go, i feel as if i'm just not good enough.As if the world wants to pull me down into the ground and kill me.Even though i do well, i just feel as if i'm not worth anything.This feeling combines with my confusion above, and well i tried suicide the other day.Although i couldn't do it, something stoppedd me.I don't have anyone i can really talk to about all this, because there is a huge gap between my siblings and me, and while my parents try the best to keep me happy, i just can't.No one knows about my suicide attempt - should they know, i would most certainly go through with it just to stop the embarrasement.Help me.