My girlfriend (from a relationship of almost 4 years) was abused by her uncle (adopted brother of her mother) when she was 4 years old. That disgusting animal made her touch his penis and stroke it. We both hate him for that, but her nothing was done by her family and he's still a good-for-nothing loser.
My gf and I both watch porn, and these days I have found a series of 6 videos in a porn site of a pervert spying on a 12-year-old that he calls "my niece". The body really looks like hers, and the bedroom is very alike her parents bedroom, not to mention the clothes, that I think she had clothes like that by that age.
We are 18 years old now, and I really need to know if that's her in that video, so that monster of her uncle can be exposed and justice should be done. If it is not her, that's ok, but if it is, I wouldn't want her to be even more hurt. But the only way to be sure is showing her and she then can identify herself or not.
Please, help me. What should I do? How should I show the videos to her to uncover the truth?
We talk about the incident sometimes and we have a very strong and trustful relationship based on truth. She also knows about the abuse I suffered from my older half-sister when I was younger.
Thank you already for your help.
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The first step is to talk to your girlfriend about what she would do if she had the opportunity to bring her uncle to justice. It's her decision whether to try to bring a criminal case against him. Going to court would mean testifying about all the abuse she suffered, being cross-examined. These events could be re-traumatizing and difficult for her and the whole family, so it's a very personal decision for her. That said, I understand why you would want justice, especially since you suffered abuse yourself.
Viewing the videos, and knowing that they exist, will likely be very difficult for her regardless of whether she is the girl in the video or not-- as you said, the circumstances are very similar. Understanding her feelings on the matter and what difficulties she may experience from dealing with this is very important.
If you feel strongly that this is likely to be her in the video (perhaps you can investigate a little more to be more sure, if you're comfortable doing so) and you feel from your conversations with her that she can handle the repercussions of viewing the video or knowing it exists, you may wish to take some steps to make her aware of the video. Make sure she has a strong support structure in place-- that she can count on your support (it sounds like she can), that she has access to a counselor or other professional support if at all possible. You may wish to talk to a counselor as well, prior to making a final decision about how to handle this possible discovery. It sounds like you and she have a close and supportive relationship, which I'm sure has already been helpful and will continue to be.
Above all, do your best to learn about and respect her decisions in everything related to the abuse she suffered. Her power was taken from her before, and she should have the final word in what happens now.
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