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hi, from a young age, i have found myself to get turned on by bondage, when i was 6-7 i saw a movie of a woman being tied up. im now 15 and still into bondage, i dont personally have anything to do with it. i just get turned on seeing women tied up, the thing is though, i dont like it anymore, im scared that wen the time comes to have sex, i might not get turned on, as i like women tied up. i have seen porn videos but it hasnt seem to have an effect on me, where as if i watched a bondage video of a woman bound and gagged, i could easily get an erection.

please help.

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You have described a preferential sexual fetish. This means that since you can't get hard while looking at women who are not bound that you have conditioned yourself to only get hard while looking at tied up women.

This isn't good as when/if you do start dating what will you say when you meet a girl and then you both want to have sex "oh, by the way I can only have sex with you if you let me tie you up and gag you"? This isn't the best type of sexual fetish to have if you aspire to have a loving relationship with a woman.

Preferential fetishes are those that usually begin earlier in life and it simply means you HAVE to have the fetish item in order to get an erection. Some guys have foot fetishes, underwear fetishes, leather fetishes, red hair girl fetishes, older women fetishes etc.

If you are dependent on bondage to get hard this is a serious issue and you might want to talk to a very trusted adult about it or at least not continue to feed your fetish by viewing tied up women.

Good Luck
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do you think it would be possible to get rid of it by masturbating over a normal porn video, instead of over the bondage videos/pics etc ?
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Heyyyyy you can have a loving relationship with someone and still have this fetish as a component in it. Sure, it might not seem like it but (some of the time) the people engaging in this type of sexual act really have to Trust each other highly and respect each others boundaries.



And you could try swamping yourself with "normal" porn until it excites you, but I don't know how long that would take to work (if it does).



You could always seek psychiatrist or religious (?) help/guidance.
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Fettish preferences are set when we are very young.

In your case, you have associated sexual arousal with women being bound.

If you had experienced sexual expression with a different stimulus, you probably would identify with it now.

You may always have this special thrill for women being bound...
however, you may also outgrow it.

I think rather than panicing and drowning yourself in porn videos, you need to give yourself some time and experiences with ladies and experience sex without bondage.

Don't worry about not being turned on unless its bondage.

It is certainly possible to be aroused by other sights, actions, stimulation and experience. True, you may get a special thrill by the thought of bondage, but you don't need to share that with your partner. Maybe someday you will, maybe you won't. (Don't jump all over me, MasteroftheClaw...)

We don't share all our fantasies with our partners, but we sometime find someone who is supportive.

If you are troubled by this thrill that you get from bondage, you can speak with a counselor. I feel certain that a religious counselor will not approve, so I'd recommend either a couples counseling person or a therapist.

But it's important to understand that just because you experience bondage to get yourself off, it does NOT mean that you can't respond sexually to other stimulation.

You MAY want to reduce your dependence on bondage...that is, not use it as often or try some other forms of stimulation, in an effort to blunt it's appeal... but after several years of this, I think you've probably linked it strongly in your mind, and it won't be easy to suddenly switch. So I don't think I would try to do something sudden or go cold turkey.

You don't mention your age, so I assume you're still young. There is still time to experience a lot of other stimulation.
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Exact same circumstances for me... I have always had a thing for bondage. Ever since i was 6 and i watched an episode of hollyoaks where a woman was bound. I dont want to like bondage, but nothing else excites me. And btw, i HAVE had that embarassing situation where i couldnt get stimulated with a woman in the bedroom, and i was pretty embarassed. Help?
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Darryl,

It is entirely possible that your difficulty in the bedroom may have been due to another reason... nerves, bad smells, who knows.  It doesn't necessarily mean that it was because you enjoy bondage fantasy.  Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

However I am wondering why at age 6, a movie or TV show with a woman being tied up might equate to sexual fantasy at age 6.  I suspect there is something more going on. (I admit, I am not familiar with "hollyoaks" so I don't understand the reference.)

You can change your pattern of behavior. Just don't assume that everything stems from this bondage thrill, nor that you MUST have it in every sexual aspect of your life.  It takes time to learn a sexual response...and you can train and retrain yourself.  Give yourself some time and experiences to learn.

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Hi

I too have the same experience. Since I was a little kid, pre-puberty something has always aroused my loins at the sight of whether it be that Tointon girl in Hollyoaks bound and gagged, someone in the Red Hand Gang (the 1980s), TJ Hooker's assistant (Heather Locklear) frequently bound and gagged as was Wonder Woman and Krystal Carrington, abducted for ransom in Dynasty. I am sorry but in agreement with the two others on here and not the respondant, a memory from infancy can and does affect an adult's sex drive. I am at present trying to conceive with my wife. I'm in my late 30s. I am freakin out cos I just can't get it up in bed in a loving situation. But, when I sit and look at bondage on the internet its up to attention immediately as it always has. I don't think that you can counsel someone out of that kind of fetish and certainly not with "religion". That's BS. Disturbing though it is, it appears that TV damsels in distress have a lot to answer for in the psche of many young men - victims of popular culture? I have managed in the end to have sex this week at my wife's time of ovulation by using Viagra. I figure that as she isn't into the whole bondage thing (we have talked about it), I will just have to masturbate over fantasies and net images and try to live a decent life with a very caring woman at the same time using other means...

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i was actually considering viagra. though didnt want it to be my only option.
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I was in the exact same boat. I saw a girl get tied and gagged on a TV show when I was only 6, and didn't understand what was happening.

I never had a girlfriend until I was 27, since I was so scared of what would happen when we finally got to the bedroom and I couldn't get turned on in a normal way. I mean, I was turned on by women to some extent, but I would only fantasize about seeing them tied and gagged. I would never fantasize about just regular sex with them.

Finally I decided enough was enough, and I was going to conquer this. So I got myself in shape, got better at talking to and attracting girls, and finally the big moment came, when I had a very attractive lady in by bed, ready to go. Unfortunately, my worst fears came true, and I couldn't get it hard just by making out with her. We had both been drinking that night, so it was easy enough to blame it on the Alcohol, although I knew the truth.

So in desperation, I went and got a prescription for Viagra. It was a bit embarrassing, but I figured what the heck, I'll never see this particular doctor at the walk in clinic ever again. I explained truthfully to him why I needed it, and after a dubious look from him, he prescribed it.

Well it worked and it didn't at first. I'll explain.

I started dating a girl, we got to the bedroom, and I had no trouble getting it hard. even though regular sex didn't turn me on so much, all she had to do was touch it a bit, and boom, he was up there. My new nemesis, and likely your nemesis, was condoms. I can't stress this enough. DO NOT USE LATEX. use polyurethane condoms instead, unless you're EXTREMELY sensitive. I was getting hard no problem, and once inside, I should have had no problems, but with a latex condom, I was feeling absolutely nothing. She was enjoying herself immensely, since I could last literally forever, but I couldn't cum.  I much later found out about Poly-urethane condoms, which can slip off a bit easier if you're not careful, but actually feel like you're wearing nothing. 

So anyhow, fast forward about 4 years.

I am now married, happily, my wife knows about my little obsession, but she does not share it. However, we love each other a lot, and she willingly plays along from time to time. either tying me up, or vice versa. I no longer need Viagra, and I rarely use it, so I'm 100% sure that my problem was psychological. I can now cum without much trouble without thinking of bondage or anything, as long as it's been a few days since my last time. If you are worried that you won't be able to get hard, you will not get hard. it's the body's response to stress. So my advice is, if you're going to use viagra, just use it long enough to get comfortable with whomever your partner is, and you should find one day that you'll wake up beside her in the morning, she'll roll over and start messing around, and bam, he'll be ready to go, no viagra needed.

Also, I definitely wouldn't recommend keeping it from your partner. You may not necessarily find someone who shares your obsession, but if she's into you, I think you'll find most women are pretty open minded, and she'll be willing to participate to some extent.  As far as fetishes go, bondage isn't that far out there compared to some. Just wait a couple of months before broaching the subject.

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I have the same fetish, and I hear ya. Its not unusual, it is a very common fetish. Its almost mainstream to be a little into light bondage. 

The erectile dysfunction when you're watching porn that isn't bondage is not unusual either, its just how your brain is wired right now. Your preferences can change, but you don't have to be ashamed of it. To take steps with this, check out this youtube video, and these "no-fap" challenges. They'll help you be more aroused by normal interactions with girls, and be more alive, confident, and energetic as well. 

 

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Oh and there is nothing wrong with asking a girl if she'd like to be lightly restrained during sex.

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I have a diaper fetish, and it drives me insane. I dont know what to do, can you help me?

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I love bondage lol and im a girl
My boyfriend doesnt but he goes along with it loool
sometimes i wonder if im the only girl around here that does
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I have a similar problem. From a young age I used enjoy seeing things like the aforementioned on TV, but I think my liking of it really stemmed from a narcissistic tendency of wanting to save the girl and get the glory. This very slowly became an attraction to bondage. While I have never practiced it, it is the only porn I watch, however I have been able to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with girlfriends in the past.

I would advise people that don't wish to pursue bondage in the future with their girlfriends, but also do not wish to stop watching it on the internet, to view the two things with a very clear distinction. It's easy to do.

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I'm a girl and I don't let guys tie me up or anything, I have "normal" sex but I can only watch bondage to get off. So I don't think it's dangerous or anything. It's just a fantasy . (:
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