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I'm heartbroken.... In love, but alone... Questioning my own wrong decisions?

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Hi Marcella,

My name is K., 25 y.o,  and i just want to say welcome. Why are you heartbroken? Can i help you somehow, maybe you just need someone to talk to? I'm also heartbroken, but by my choice. Broke up with my gf and we were together for 2.5 years.

What exactly is your education?

Hope to hear from you soon.

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Ah, you are so sweet K......?
Anyway, I am much older than you, 53, and I am working in the Middle East in a war zone. No, I'm not Military.

Everyday I come to work, all dressed up, supervising an office, and do my work, smiling, but, inside I am dying, just existing. Not my choice, although I knew from the begining what I was letting myself in for.

He was with me for a year, he is younger, he is in an arranged amarriage. He is in a worse state than me now, he has had a taste of life outside India. drinking, dancing, joking, walking on the beach late at night , we went to Red Hot Chilli peppers in concert, we went to Coldplay in Germany. I was never so happy, and he never felt more alive.

Now, all over, he is in bits, crying down the phone, e-mail,,,,,,what to do??
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Oh, i see. It's never easy letting someone go. Although i am younger than you i think i can understand how you feel. Like you said, you do feel down and everything but you knew what you were letting yourself in to. I did the same thing and my gf was also crying and begging me.

 So let me get this straight. It was your decision right?  And now he is begging you to get back together?

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No, he had to go back, not my choice or his. We just cannot be together! Why is life so unfair. 

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oh. i see. is he going to come back anytime soon? is there anything you guys can do so you can be together?


what do you think the solution is?

yes, life gets harder as we get older , so i've heard. what does he say about all this? does he have any suggestions ?
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Not a chance, no way. He never get this opportunity again. I could travel to him once or twice a year, at great expense. He married and now in Kashmir for few years. I'm committed to work and my own family. It's a no win situation. 

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K.........is it any harm to ask why you broke it off? If you are heartbroken then you must still have some feelings for this girl, right?
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I think you know the answer to this situation. But i will say it anyways.

All you have to do is give it some time, time heals all the wounds. It's great you are committed to your work and family. That will keep your mind off of him. It was just a passing fling , and i think you know it. It may sound harsh but i am only saying this because i think you need to accept it. You will be going through 5 stages now:

- Denial

- Anger

- Bargaining

- Depression

- Acceptance

So, my friendly advice to you is to accept it as soon as possible. It will make your life easier. You should put yourself and your emotions in the first place, not him. You are the most important to yourself.

Yes ., it may sound like a no win situation but look at it this way. You learned your lesson, you are moving on. Maybe you will appreciate some other, more important, things in your life.

You have a job, you have a family and many people in the world would give everything to be in your place. So do not question your decisions, stands strong behind them because otherwise you might fall into a bottomless pit of depression and indecisiveness. 

I can only imagine how you feel. Just give it some time and make priorities in your life. Your family and your work should be in the first place. You seem like a nice , intelligent and well educated lady . All you have to do now is be strong.

If i were you i would break any contact with him. There's no point in keeping any contact with; moreover, you will just extend your misery and make it harder for both of you guys. 

Sorry if this sounds straight forward and a bit harsh but i thought you needed someone to say this to you. i hope this helps,

K.

 

 

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No, you can ask , i don't mind. It does sound weird that I broke it off , and i am also heartbroken. I mean. I have invested emotionally and physically in a relationship for 2.5 years , it would be weird if i did not feel anything after leaving her.

I still do have some feeling, but i have made my decision and that's it. It took me like a month to decide. I wrote all the good things on one side, and all of the bad things on the other side and i came into conclusion that it would be better for me and my life if i leave her.

I do not regret my decision, but i do feel sad from time to time. And i am aware that i'll need couple of months to get back to normal. But hey, that's life. We make decisions in our lives, not someone else , and we should stand behind them and not question them. That is my philosophy.
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Very good focused reply............great insight for one so young,,,,,,,,want a job as staff counsellor ??? LOL

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Thanks! :) i hope i helped you a bit.

Staff counselor? lol. Well i majored i HR :)

What exactly do you do for a living? And you said you are in the war zone?

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Can't say on a public forum. 

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Hi Marcella,

Just wanted to say whats up? How have you been feeling lately? Any news or changes in your life?

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USERK, thanks so much for checking in.

Well, I did as you advised, I cut the contact, actually I was rude, telling him off for being abrupt.

I'm missing his messages and calls, and I feel like an id**t in the evenings checking my messages.

What to do, I'm at work everyday, thank God, I am busy.

Only time will heal me. How are you? getting on with life also?

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