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Ok... I'm 22years old, I am lucky to be with someone i've known  all my life, he wants a baby girl sooo bad. But we're still in the process of becoming engaged, building a small apartment...and we're very much furthering our education, to get better jobs and benefits....... I am sorry to say that I am NOT ready to have any baby and things are too stressful.... I am thinking of getting an abortion, I have been researching.....I KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES, PRO'S & CONS...... SHOULD I TELL HIM..... EVEN THOU HE TOLD ME RECENTLY HE DOESN'T WANT ANY BABY NOW IN OUR LIVES.....BECAUSE WE NEED TO GET SETTLED PROPERLY.....

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW CAN I HAVE A NATURAL MISCARRIAGE INSTEAD OF HAVING AN ABORTION.... PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME.....EVERYONE HAVE DIFFERENT LIVES....AND CHOICES, THANK YOU FOR ANY ADVICE

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Hi

First thing I'm going to advise you is do not attempt any home miscarriage, In this day and age there is simply no need.  It's dangerous as if it's not successful effected by anything you tried to do, not only that you are risking your own health or even life.  Abortion is easy to sort out and free (or it is here so I assume it's much simpler in the US) So why risk it.  If anyone gives you advice on how to bring about a miscarriage I strongly urge you to ignore it

OK with that out the way, You've explained you have known your partner a long time, so you know his opinions and thinkings on abortion, how is he likely to take it?  You also seem to indicate he does not seem ready for a baby either.  I think you need to consider, as you have when deciding whether to have an abortion or not the pros and cons of letting him know, such as.  Does he have a right to know as it's his baby too, but your body.  If you need support or physical help after who would you turn to if he didn't know.  I'm not going to write you a for and against list, simply giving you some ideas what be important to think about when making your decision; as like abortion this is a decision only you can make.  Sure listen to what others have to say, but don't allow anyone to make up your mind for you.

I don't want to try and talk you out of abortion if you have made your decision, as I believe it is the right choice for some people, again only you know that.  I just wanted to mention you've said some of the reasons you want this done is because you have a small apartment, want to continue your educations and get better jobs, although it takes some effort this is all still possible with a baby, however if this is not something you can manage you know the best decision for your own situation.

I hope this helps you<3

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Thank you for taking time to reply.............Firstly, I am not from the US, I am from the Caribbean.....and I actually just a little while told him. I am going to take a test tomorrow morning to make sure and simply go to the doctor right after. So we can to get proper options..... We're both going to take this one step at a time and see what's best for our situation.
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Hey, Sorry I just assume most people are in the US that use this site. I think you have made the right decision in involving him, I just didn't want to put pressure on you in my previous post by suggesting it. I also think thats a god idea knowing your options as soon as possible, the more options you are aware of will help you to make the decision thats right for you all. I really dont know how things work in your area financially, but if this was something you decided to do, ad money was an issue, is it covered by health care, or do you have like a family planning center that can refer you for free, even some charity's may help. I think it would be a good idea to write down any questions you may have for when you see the DR, as its so easy to forget. Sorry I couldn't help more with your area, let me know if you ever need talk further. I can aways pop back, even if it takes a few hours some days :)

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Hi guest, please do not try to induce a miscarriage. It's really dangerous. If you decide to terminate your pregnancy please do it at a clinic. Make sure you get good medical care. Now, on to your boyfriend. It is your choice to tell him or not. But it is a huge secret to keep. Relationships need to be built on trust and if you plan to spend your life,that's rely important. Also, he would feel betrayed if you go behind his back and he finds out. Lies have a way of destroying relationships. That said, its your body and ultimately your decision. It may be hard to have the conversation, but the consequences of going behind his back are that you will always live in feat of him finding out. Wishing you all the best
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Please do not abort.  You can consider an adoption solution. 

 ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** inappropriate posting*** Please read our Terms of Use

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Cutedeethunter,
I agree in some situations a mum may want to consider adoption as an alternative to termination, However I would suggest anyone considering adopting their baby, or seeking a child to adopt only does this through the legal system. I understand as you get older or for whatever reason some adoption agency's wont consider allowing you to adopt, however this is not an excuse to try and bypass the system. The adoption system, although it may seem a giant pain and very unfair to some who no doubt can provide a loving home, has been set up for good reason. Children adopted/fostered outside this can end up in all sorts of situations, some can be very unfortunate or even the simple lack of support and medical history can cause problems, and when the time comes when they may want to contact their birth parents it can be harder to trace them, having no support and records kept. It's just never a good idea for either party to make arrangements outside of the system.
Perhaps this was not your meaning when you suggested "I might have an adoption solution, my daughter may be interested", but my comment would still be relevant to any other woman who may have an unwanted pregnancy or anyone considering adoption.
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