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Hi, In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day. The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other sh*t that’s been hard to deal with. Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that BS f*****g pot. I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, am going to do the Linden method, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell. I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time. Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I screwed up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again. Please help me. I’m desperate.

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is this a joke haha it's the ssri's that f**k with your head. I didn't smoke when I was on celexa and celexa made me feel depressed. Maybe your tried the wrong strain, I've had panic attacks and terrible anxiety weed induced and non-weed anxiety before and you just have to put it behind you and surround yourself with good people and things that make you happy even if its little things trust me it helped me a lot. Anxious thoughts get you no where try to think of when a anxious thought has ever really happened and it probably hasn't you're just trying to predict the future so if it is bad you know what to expect. Worrying clouds your mind with bad thoughts and no room for good thoughts trust me it may sound like i'm weird but this is honest advice and it helped me i went to a psychologist and deeply reflected on my life its not the weed that's causing all this stop using that as a scapegoat and honestly as harsh as this sounds just try to get over it with the stuff i said it really helps focus on the good and not the bad. The two times before i bet you didn't have a bad high it all depends on the type of weed indica (couch lock stoney high good for sleep) and sativa (happy energetic high good for alertness and depression) and there is hybrids which is the mix of the two not just 50-50 but all different kinds, maybe weed isn't for everyone but you can't blame it for your problems when there are various kinds of strains saying "weed is bad" is a general statement because you have experienced different strains before.

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