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Hi I have been reading this forum since yesterday. I am a 26 year old female, good health and whatnot. But I would like to share my story and maybe get some support. Lord God knows I am in so much desperate need of it.

Six months ago, I got out of the United States Air Force, my enlistment was up so it was time to go. A few days later I begin my journey with Mary Jane...

I tried marijuana for the first time because I had ran out of my anxiety medication Effexor. The first experience I had was with brownies and I ended up throwing up all night. I decided then I would try to smoke. My routine everyday after that was wake up, get baked, play video games, and watch t.v. I didn't even want to leave the house. There is actually an indention on my couch from where I was sitting there so much!!!

I have been smoking mass quantities daily (5-9 bowls out of a bong) ever since I started smoking, all together about 2 Os a month. The strain i noticed I was a bit paranoid was Sour Diesel, and it was pretty tasty, my stash ran out an month later and I go to my dealer to re-up. He had Platinum OG Kush, I was quite excited to try and new strain...

Three days ago (12 OCT 2012) things went for the worse...

I had been having a hard time sleeping and was going on 24+ with no sleep, so i decided that if I took a couple of hits (six huge ones) of Platinum OG Kush then I would feel the need to go to sleep. Little did I know that it would lead to the most frightening experience I had ever experienced in my life.

I was sitting on the couch watching 30 Rock as the high set in. I started to feel sad and a little depressed, so I went to my bedroom to try and lay down, the symptoms got worse. I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness, depression, fear, and thought of ending my life to stop the emotional pain I was going through.  AND the thought of suicide freaked me out. I was thinking "how could I think like this?!?!? I must be crazy, this is too much!" I then called my boyfriend in the room, I explained to him the panic i was feeling and the overwhelming feelings of suicide now. I even imagined taking a gun and shooting myself. I am no where this type of person so again, totally freaking me out with the abnormal thoughts. I then asked my boyfriend to take me to the ER because I was so terrified/sad/depressed.

I get to the ER and explain the situation. The ER is actually on a military base (I'm prior service) so you would think they would take this seriously. Because I didn't have a plan to off myself they pretty much told me to go home after talking to a counselor. It did not make me feel any better. When I got home that night I had another panic attack and was afraid to go to sleep in fear that I would have the same bad thoughts again, so sleep was horrible.

The next day I decided I would try and get back on my anxiety meds Effexor. I know it has a lot of side effects but when I was on it to begin with but it did keep me happy and in a good mood. I went to my Primary Care Doctor and they noted I was depressed and put the prescription in the system. The Doc then took me to Mental Health to talk to someone about the fear and anxiety I was having. They couldnt do much for me since i was a "walk in" so I decided to go to the Veterans Affiars Govnt Agency for help. I figured they would help me. I went to their mental health and the woman I talked to seemed not too concerned with me and more agitated. She told me to call the VA crisis Hotline if the feeling came up again. I was not too happy with this so on the verge of tears I went to the VA Primary Care and told them I needed to see someone immediately. I saw the nurse there and she went and got someone else from mental health. The woman who came and spoke to me actually looked like she actually cared. And walked me to the ER while explaining to the Airmen working at the counter that I was about to lapse in deep depression and I was needed to be seen asap. Well what happened was pretty much happened on my first trip to the ER. I had my boyfriend actually pick me up from the ER afterwards since I was emotionally unstable.

When I got home I felt like I was going crazy, random panic attacks, stomach nausea, pressure over right eye, and extreme fear of thinking like I was a few days ago. I talked to my boyfriend for a while, he tried to feed me but all I could keep down was milk, barely. I was so desperate to figure out what I was going through that a thought came to me, "maybe this is withdrawals from weed or a side effect?" I googled weed withdrawals and it lead me to this site. And everything became clear, I am suffering from weed withdrawls/overuse/the sh*t I was smoking was high grade allegedly. Since I have been reading peoples posts on this so I would like to make a timeline of symptoms and things I have been trying to do since I realized it was the weed.

Day one:  the beginning massive panic attack, head pounding, heart pounding, loss of appetite, inapproiate thoughts, depression, a feeling of emptiness, fear, pressure on right side of head kinda like a migraine but with no pain, just pressure, and . I gave up weed that night.

Day two: Same symptoms as day one except the panic attacks are not as intense but still unsettling to the point it stops me in my tracks and I gasp for air to calm the attack down, loose almost watery stools, loss of appetite. I started to feel like I was in a cloud (later I figured maybe depersonalization?). I try not to think about the bad thoughts, but they do end up seeping through. I called a good friend and asked for company so I am not alone, we then went for a walk. I walked until my feet were sore but it did keep me from thinking about the fear I have inside. I get back to my home and being in my living room made me have more panic attacks. (Probably because all i did for 6 months were, weed, video games, and t.v.) So I associated my home as a bad place because of the traumatic experiance I had. Lots of crying and mood swing, slight agitation.

Day three:I started Effexor, and I felt a little better for a short amount of time. I then discovered this website, and it gave me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I go out and about trying to get out and be social as scary as that was. I felt like I was walking in a cloud and that everything was very bright. Kinda like when you have a migraine and you see light and it hurts kinda bright. When I had panic attacks, I would tell myself "its just withdrawals, I'll be okay" but again I broke down in tears and cried.

Day four: I try and go on a fishing trip to Sacramento River to catch a salmon from this years run, fishing  I was still having the same symptoms, but not as bad. I was reading most of the posts on this website for the most of the day and it did make me feel better till my phone died (another thing is i get motion sickness and I didn't the entire time I was reading on the boat, strange). I had nothing to look at to make me feel at ease so more panic attacks came and I asked my boyfriend if we could go back to the dock and go home. When the boat started moving, I the wind on my face made me feel really really calm and soothed. So I rolled the window down on the way home and the anxiety was gone....till I got to my house and had panic attacks in the living room so I asked my BF to go on a walk. I tried talking to him and asking him how he is feeling with me going though all this drama, he filled me in and I let home know a little more about how I feel. The walk made my feet hurt and made me feel better that my bf and I were on the right page (communication is key, don't be ashamed of how you feel, the military says that it takes a hero to seek help, you too can be a hero) but again when I got back home, the panic attacks happened again.  My friend KT hit me up so I asked my BF if it was a good idea to go out and hang with her because of the way I feel. He thought it would help so I drove out to see her, and along the way, I had a panic attack agin. On the way tho I had a coffee, I didn't want to abstain from caffeine since I know that can have withdrawals as well so I decided to kick the weed first over caffeine. While I was drinking the coffee (vanilla latte, they forgot the sweetener but i was okay with that because I didn't want to be all jittery) I dont know if it was the caffeine or it being an iced drink but as soon as I got the drink in my the anxiety went away. (so im going to do a trial on the coffee aspect and see if that helps) Anywhoo, I probably walked about 5 miles with 4 different people today every-time I had an anxiety attack and felt sad and alone. I am trying really hard to be in public places but it gives me social anxiety. I only ate a banana and some apple slices today, seemes to be the only thing that I can keep down. Water is hard to drink, the smell of food makes me sick. I am craving fresh foods like apples, or lettuce etc. I bought an herbal supplement to ease anxiety called Gaia Stress Response and instant response drops. I haunt taken it since it was so late in the day, but ill let yall know how it goes.

 

Everyday is a struggle but I am trying to keep my head up, I wanted to share my story to let ya'll know you are not alone with what your going through, you'll really find out what type of person you really are when you have a experience so scary. I have restored my faith in God, and I started addressing things that I was holding bitterness towards. If anyone has any comments about what I'm going through or advice on how to cope because i am still having hard times please let me know. And keep it nice please, people are seriously ill or looking for a light at the end of the Tunnel....Keep your head up and I will keep moving forward

 

SYMPTOMS (what I have been experiencing): anxiety, loss of appetite, depersonalization, depression, racing thoughts, pounding heartbeat, shallow breath, sweats, loose stools, fear of fear, social anxiety, pressure over right eye (kinda tingly behind it), irritableness, insomnia, senses are heightened. Inner restlessness, possible PTSD from traumatic experience with the anxiety attack

 

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Hmm that's very wierd

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How are you feeling now? Did things ever get better?

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TabbiRas, what you've explained is ALL very similar to what I have went through myself. I just want you to know, things honestly do get better, I promise. Just think, sometimes we need "things"(possibly this situation that you're going/went through), to open our eyes to something more, something bigger. You will find peace, happiness,love, and positivity at the end of this journey of yours..and believe me, you are not alone. I'm currently about 2 months sober, and things have drastically gotten better for me so far, even more so to come. The ONE thing that truly helped me through this, was to rely and put all of my faith in God. I'm becoming more clear minded, aster thinking and more social believe it or not lol. And I must say, it feels pretty good. We are all brothers and sisters in this beautiful world, and believe it or not, whatever you feel, someone out there feels the same. So with that being said, I love you, and I'll be praying for you!!!
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Hey I'm on day 6 off being off weed. It's extremely difficult for me. I went off it once before for about three months and had severe depersonilastion... I thought nothing was real, it ended inaround five days and I was able to quit... I can't really remember how I got through it, but I relapsed 3 months later....Another 6 months of smoking it and 6 days ago I decided to quit again as I realized it wasn't helping...My anxiety is so high, I don't know how to get through it, I'm terrified my life will never be the same, the smallest things seem to send me into a full blown panic attack.... I had anxiety before I started smoking and in a way I was self medicating..... I smoked fags for about a year and a half and that helped me through it last time, but I don't know what to do.... I'm beating myself up over the smallest things I don't want to relapse but my anxiety is so high, I feel as though I'll never be happy... It's terrifying..
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