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Hi, I’m 35 years old and i was addicted to morphine instant release and the 60mg. I took it for about 7 months. I started because of a back injury that I recieved from falling off a horse and the pain is excruciating, so the Dr prescribed morphine. I didn’t care at the moment because not only did I suffer from pain, but also depression and anxiety; morphine was my happy pill. I thought it was my savior, but oh was I wrong. So, as time went by I started to notice depression and tolerance to the 60 mg. morph's, but I would not up my dose more than 90 mg, no matter how much pain I was in, just to not become more tolerant to the pill. On mother’s day, I took 1 60mg in the morning and felt something wrong. I think I was actually dying, it was crazy because I could not even see my pupils ( they were the size of a pin needle.) I don’t know what happened that day.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I stopped completely and dumped all the pills, called the doc and told him enough with these crappy pills. I told him " I’d rather be in pain” and he told me not to quit cold turkey, oh but I did. I’m not up with methadone or subox, I’d rather tough it out.

 Day 1 without morphine was crazy, if hell exists I think I experienced it that day. Day 2, 3, and 4 were the worst. I felt cold, cold, cold; it was never warm enough. Around that time the depression really took a turn for the worst.

Anyways, today is day 18 of being clean of morphine. I’m having troubles sleeping, however thanks to seroquel I am now able to sleep but, I’m still only getting about 5 hours of sleep. I’m wondering if I have long term brain damage because I just have the grey cloud over my head. Clonopine, haldol, etc. does not work on me nor my restoril. I just feel very down, hopeless and unmotivated. I can’t feel happy no matter what I do. Thanks to wellbutrin XL, and seroquil for sleep, I have actually felt my best. I crave motivation, natural endorphins, just to be happy. No matter what I will never take a pain pill in my life again, even with the pain I have. I will suck it up and hold pain, and look for another alternative for my back problem.

I’m wondering how long this depression / anxiety can last? I’m eating a ton of fruit, cranberry juice; I’m going to turn into a fruit.

I do feel much better from the past 18 days of grey cloud but this depression is exhausting. Taking advil for pain, is a joke but that’s all i will touch in pills.

How long is this going to last?!?!?

 

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I hope you get better, stay strong and never give up
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Hi, I empathize with what you are going through. I started with heroin when I was 20 years old snorting then shooting it. I would break away and go to the methadone clinic from time to time. I quit for a little over a year at one point then dibble dabbled around on and off for years. In my 40's i became very addicted due to the depression over a recent divorce and some money i came into and was shooting 300 dollars a day in heroin and cocaine ( speed balling) for months. I finally went and got on a serious methadone maintenance program since I couldn't kick that on my own. I ended up stuck on methadone for 10 years... When I detoxed i was doing 100 mgs a day. During all these years I have used at times morphine sulfate in various forms and developed a very healthy respect for pharmaceutical opiates. The addiction happens faster and is far more painful than the kick of street opiates. My most recent encounter now that i am in my 50's is when i needed a hip replacement and was made to wait for 8 year before getting it ( another story another day) The ever increasing pain and inability to walk drove me to finally break down and take morphine to get through until i had the operation i so desperately needed..I am now post surgery almost a year and am almost off the morphine. I chose to take it slowly since I am older and have commitments i cannot let slide ( I am caretaker for my very ill husband) and because after so many years and so many times I just can no longer handle cold turkey.. partly psychological partly physical I am giving in because I do not deserve to be punished for having been in pain.
This is what I found to be true through 30 years of use, abuse, detox this way and that and more cold turkey than anyone could possibly deal with and not lose their mind.
Everyone is different as there are three factors that figure into how fast your body and mind recovers . your mind is in essence your body as the reasons for the depression is the chemical imbalance created by the sustained opiate ingestion and subsequent tolerance and addiction.
If
You maintain a healthy diet high in vitamin C I cannot stress this enough Vitamin C is key to speeding up your progress with all of it. May I suggest a particular form of vitamin C - "sodium ascorbate" ( sold in powdered and capsule form through health food stores and naturopathic supply places.) google and read the entire report compiled by "Alfred A Libby". and you will find dosages and other helpful info . He is now passed on but was a wonderful man who discovered something most people do not know and was stifled by his peers because opiates and methadone in substace abuse treatment is BIG money and Vit C - is not.
The depression lasts sometimes for a year maybe more but it is entirely dependent on
your makeup genetically and if you have suffered from depression in the past and how severe. the more often you have suffered depression in the past will make it harder to recover from this withdrawal induced imbalance. much like being over weight is hard to get away from if you have been fat and lost weight over and over in your life. it is very similar in theory.
You may have permanent neurological damage to a small degree but I doubt it. Pharmas are pure clean annd can be effectively cleansed from your system. street drugs often leave residuals that take a long time and sometimes never completely leave your body. You may find that you will always be more sensitive to pain than before or more than other people.
Beware. Pain in itself if chronic and severe can cause depressions sometimes iit comes on people in ways they do not recognize as depression ( odd as it may seem this is true)
If you do not notice major improvement between how you feel now and say about 6 months from now there is another cause for your depression or something is holding back your body from realigning and it is time to seek help in finding out what the cause is as it should no longer be from the opiate withdrawal or any lingering after effect of the addiction.

You are conquering something that the majority of people once ensnared never escape from entirely. Stand Up and be counted you are a as strong Special Forces rangers and airborne. a GLADIATOR. YOU HAVE ESCAPED SLAVERY.

THINK ABOUT THAT NEXT TIME YOU FEEL REALLY DOWN.

Believe me I truly understand - it does end and when you finally feel like yourself again it is actually a high in itself.
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